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Being blamed for reporting child abuse
February 10, 2010
5:04 am
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gettnthere
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Well I am being attacked for going to authorities and reporting child sexual abuse that I had to deal with as a child. I did this because my child made a comment about the same person. Apparently it's too distressing for some to have to think about and I am being resented for it. I am really pissed off. Any advice?

February 10, 2010
7:46 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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I am glad you reported it, but I do know when you do do that, you lose family and friends and they then blame you and call you a liar and hate you for it.

You did the right thing. I think now you need to focus on you and your family and keeping things as calm as possible while you both get some help.

I am sorry. Barefootgirl

February 10, 2010
10:15 am
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Lanigirl
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Gettnthere,

Good for you for going to the authorities. Your child will feel validated.

Go ahead and be pissed off. I'm assuming, correct me if I'm wrong, that some of these people that resent your actions are the same that did nothing to support you before.

Just like you can give yourself permission to be pissed, allow them to be responsible for their actions. Poor souls have some wires loose. Any sane person would want a sexual predator locked away.

February 10, 2010
10:26 am
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fantas
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Yes, feel free to be pissed but keep it moving. Someone should have reported him along time ago. It saddens me that most of society doesn't see this as the emergency issue it is and are more concerned about social pressures and keeping up appearances. You child is very fortunate you have the courage to report. You are very supported here. If you can, let go of your thoughts on these other people and take care of your family. They can let him around their children if they want.

February 10, 2010
11:28 am
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atalose
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I guess If this were me, I’d feel proud of myself for doing the right thing by reporting it. And distance myself from those ill thinking people who resent me for it.

Some times anger can be a sign of not being able to control something or someone. It must be extremely frustrating to receive that kind of a reaction from others regarding this matter.

Just keep telling yourself you did the right thing and that you don’t need these un-healthy people in your life.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 11, 2010
4:26 am
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gettnthere
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Thanks everyone for your advice and words of encouragement. A main part of the problem is that my mother is angry with me for 'telling everyone' I had such a bad childhood ie the police. She has tried to always do the best by me and now she feels ashamed. The problem is she has known about it for 10 years and did not want to believe it. So did nothing and told me that if I did go to police she would stick by her partner the abuser. I am still being accused by her I feel though, although she has no doubts now because of a confession of his. I feel like all I do is fight. And I am tired.

February 11, 2010
7:20 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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of course you are tired, you need to distance yourself from your mother and these unhealthy dangerous people, they are the one who "make" you tired and they are the ones who can do worse yet...

I once approached my mom about people in the family, she acted as if she heard for the first time, tried to sound all concerened and worried but I could see through her, on the phone even...I know her so well.

When they die, my parents, they are not even going to have two seperate days for their funerals, knowing some of my abusers from childhood who did horrible things to me, will be there, so I can not even attend my own parents funerals without fear of being around such people. I have no proof from 30 years ago, so i am not able to report this...

Ugh...I then been told by my dad that nothing happened to me and that i wrong bout his family. He is never wrong and nothing i could say would ever change his mind, yet he told me that HE had something bad happen to him and that HE knew bout sex abuse...wow...I could barely eat my lunch and wanted to throw up...

So...I basically have living family that is not really my family, its by name only, I had distanced myself for years, ran into them in a odd way when I moved back to my hometown and now I see I was right all along, only this time, I am no longer crying wanting them to accept me or love me or even spend time with me, which they wouldn't anyhow....I am more less watching and learning from what they interact..from a safe distance.

I no longer cry, I am not able too. its done, its over, i see who they are and they are not people I like or want to be around anymore. I do feel sorry for them, I do, but that is about it, they showed me WHO they were, and they are not healthy nor are they loving or kind...

Not really.

February 11, 2010
7:55 am
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fantas
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(((Gettn))),I'm so sorry about your family. Truly unfortunate. Like Barefootgirl shared, many families do not accept this, unfortunately, and it keeps the abusers safe and well hidden to re-offend countless times. Some people just think about what others will think and not about the pain of their members. Such weird thinking. Goes to show you just how strong social norms are. They often are thicker than family.

They proverbial "they" are a real force to reckon with. Unfortunately, you may have to let go of the notion that this is your family. You will meet others who will love and care for you even better than your family. Otherwise, it's better to be happy alone than sick with someone else....

Keep posting and good for you for reporting. Because of you, many other children are now safe.

February 11, 2010
12:22 pm
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truthBtold
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((((((Gettnthere)))))

Fantas wrote: "You will meet others who will love and care for you even better than your family. Otherwise, it's better to be happy alone than sick with someone else...."

Amen!

I have always been of the contention: If blood is thicker than water....why is thicker - better?

Takes alot of guts to go against the grain of the family status-quo and shine a light squarely into the darkness and expose the secrets.

You and others as well IMHO - are no less pioneers and modern-day trail blazers for bringing these issues front and center to the forefront!!!!

Without a doubt!

February 11, 2010
10:14 pm
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freedom_calling
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((((((Gettin there))))))))
Be proud!
There is nothing more noble or needed than standing up for children in this world because they have no voice!

It's difficult to feel the split in the family of origin.
But I agree........make your own family,,one based on choice, support and the value of love.
Sounds like this is what you did by taking action.

(((((BARE FOOT GIRL)))))))
I'm sorry you had to go through this.

February 18, 2010
5:05 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Thank you Freedom...its funny cause for so long I did not think it was abuse, but that was just how familys were...weird, I know...

I think its wonderful that people do report that, I did that once and I was the target of alot of hate and pain from a school district and then from my landlord and even a friend...

But it needed to be reported, my child deserved that, she deserved someone to speak up for her. But when you do do that, you do go alone, all alone and people hate you for it...goes to show you what most are made of, sorry...but most people in my book are not to be trusted.

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