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bedtime fears
March 18, 2001
3:26 pm
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NESS
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Hi everybody.Does anyone know anything about narcolepsy?I have recently been diagnosed with having this.My symptoms are feeling tired alot during the day but the main problem is that when I go to bed and go to sleep I have hallucinations.I see shadows,spiders crawling on me ,men walking into my wardrobe and bright coloured shapes floating around.This has given me a fear of going to bed and has also effected my marriage as I hate going to bed alone and am so irratable during the day.I have been prescribed amitriptyline(antideppressents)which can change the chemical imbalance around in the brain.These seem to be helping but now I am confused as I dont know whether they are helping narcolepsy or depression as I have suffered from anxiety and have had counselling a few times.HELP!

March 20, 2001
3:48 pm
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Ladeska
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Not sure what kind of counseling you've had, but sounds to me like you haven't really come into full view of the reason for your fears. I don't know if that's because you avoid it and manipulate your therapists away from it or because your therapists just don't want to go there.

There are reasons for such fears and dreams. Sounds an awful lot like sexual abuse to me. Drugs can help, but won't fix the underlying problem. I'd educate myself if I were you. Do some reading about sexual abuse and see if any of it rings any bells for you. You may not have any memories at all. Then again, you just may not be talking about them or trying to protect someone and just minimizing things.

People who have had sexual abuse - end up being the martyr for everyone. They take the whole cross and bear it. That works for awhile maybe, but sooner or later - you start coming apart at the seams and things start trying to come out. Your child on the inside may be trying to connect with the adult you and tell you a few things. Secrets and ghosts in the closet need to come out and see the light of day so that you can process what is real and what is not. What are lies and what is truth. Just something to think about....

March 25, 2001
7:17 am
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lewis
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ness

i too feel exceptionally tired in the day! also my dreams don't always go away when i wake, ie; the spiders are still there when i wake? its horrifying! i hear things too? am i crazy!? people talking;someone walking slowly to my room, i've heard this since i was a kid? and objects in my room being moved, i don't see them being moved, just hear them. o.k this one may sound abit far fetched but my bed feels like it shakes???
most of this stuff dosen't scare me because its always happened, not everynight though.

March 25, 2001
3:28 pm
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NESS
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Lewis,how do you deal with the tiredness?I find it hard some days to get through a normal day.Do you ever think tour going mad?I do occasionally and if I ever talk to anyone about it they look at me if I am also.
I dont think your crazy Lewis as I have heard things too,burglars downstairs in the house and walking up the stairs and shining a torch through the bedroom door.
It doesnt happen to me every night either.I have gone three weeks before with no hallucinations.Its nice to know there are others out there who experience similar things.

March 26, 2001
2:39 pm
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Ladeska
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I used to have the same kind of night terrors. So, I do know what you are both talking about. What you both seem to be saying is that you are what I call - hyper-alert. You are - on guard - at nighttime. You are very vigilant at night when you should be resting and trusting of your surroundings. However, that is not the case with either of you. There is a reason for that and your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something. Trying to connect with your conscious self.

You obviously both feel like an intruder is in your life or has been in your life and that your safety has been threatened. Spiders are a symbol of "control". Someone that has been in your life that has been really manipulative and controlling - maybe even to the point of you being afraid of them.

Being hyper-vigilant at night means that you are "listening" for every little noise and that you are particularly sensitive to any movement, especially movement that means someone might be slowly sitting down on your bed as if not to wake you, Lewis.

Sometimes, our subconscious self isn't ready to tell everything yet and our little child - tests our grown-up person - by leaving clues in our consciousness, giving us dreams with symbols and watches to see if we will follow after and if we are willing to hear the truth when it all comes tumbling out. Above all else, believe in "you", be patient with yourselves. Start a journal and write down everything, everything. This will prove to be one of your most valuable possessions and tools in years to come. You are unraveling a message in code here.....written deep within you. You're not crazy. You're both quite sane.

March 27, 2001
1:15 pm
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lewis
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Ness

I don't think i do anything about the tiredness, i think i've actually accepted it as a part of me, it was only till i came to this thread that i'm wondering if these dreams and sleep disturbances are connected? I don't like to think that i'm going mad! but my family know about my dreams etc and there convinced i'm psychic! and to be honest that scares me more than the noises and dreams! Do you believe that u could be hearing the past? do you generally feel unwell before the dreams, hullucinations happen. i do, mainly i just feel off colour for a day or a few hours before i sleep, i tend to know within myself when i am going to have unsetling occurances.
good to know i'm not alone too.

ladeska
i think u have some good points here to consider, 'subconscious mind is trying to tell u something'.

the spider part is very true for me, someone in my life who was manipulative and controlling who i was afraid of did exist when i was a child. i thought spiders meant irratations, what is about them that represents control?

thanks for the advice.

March 27, 2001
3:39 pm
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Ladeska
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Hey Lewis.....spiders have often been recognized as representing a female in your life that was controlling - oftentimes a mother figure. But, it doesn't always have to be a female. It can be male. Spiders represent insidious, manipulative, sneaky attacks because that is the nature of how we often see spiders. Their bite can be deadly and they spin "webs". Controlling, manipulative people also spin webs and can be quite dangerous to us with their own venom. But spiders don't make noise, you never know where they are hiding, it's almost like they lay in wait for us - in the shadows. One dream I used to have repeatedly was of a spider that was huge and I was under it and pinned in from all sides by it's legs while the pinchers were coming down at me.

You're probably tired because your subconcious mind has been doing such a battle for many years trying to hold something you can't remember in Pandora's Box. That takes alot of energy from you to hold that lid down. The best approach to take regarding this is to do some self talk to "your little child" that you used to be and open up the door for communication to your adult person. Look back over your past and do a timeline. See where there were periods of memory loss or "dark times" - try to connect with the age you were then and allow your inner child to speak to you no matter what. You see, children won't talk if they don't trust you. And until they do - they might talk to you in code first - to test you. Things will be wrapped in symbolism and little hints will be dropped here and there until you have proven that you won't turn the guns on this defenseless child and blame them for something they had no control over.

Our body and physical condition tells us many things about what we might be harboring inside ourselves. It takes alot of energy to hold the damn back..... Nice talking to you, btw.. (smiles)

March 27, 2001
5:04 pm
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lewis
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yea it does, alot of energy.
i really struggle with people who i find controling, they make me feel frustrated and trapped. i just want to get away from them. i think i felt like this when i was a kid? my sister is 12 years older than me and sometimes she made me feel frustrated, but i couldn't express myself. my dad is control, everything about him is control. i know these things become a part of you unconciously. sometimes with my family i feel invisiable and with that, i feel frustrated. its difficult to express such things and i'm getting older and adapting the attitude of, 'water under the bridge'. i struggle with remembering the little kid days.
thanks for the info though, it made me think about control, i think i have an issue with that, it propbably is one of my drives.
cheers.

March 27, 2001
5:46 pm
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Ladeska
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Lewis....well, it's not water under the bridge. It's a mechanism whereby we keep our "hurts" at a tolerable level sometimes. But, things have a way of worming out from under our control and bypassing our control altogether. You're doing a really good job of expressing yourself here and I want to encourage you to keep doing that. I am well aware of how uncomfortable this may make you feel. After all - you haven't had that right in your household.

The little kid days, as you put it - is the foundation for our present lives. So, it's very necessary to struggle as we must in order to examine our structure and our foundational beliefs about ourselves and life as we've been taught it - condiitoned to believe it. Something that is really helpful is to do a timeline and fill in as much on the timeline as you can. Pretty soon you start seeing where the black holes are and places of "disconnect" and all the frozen tundras. Before.....you repeat family history here - it is vital that you fight the feeling of wanting to numb up, just consider it water under the bridge, etc. This is about "you" and has everything to do with your present life. It's all about "knowing you". Lock eyes with yourself in the mirror sometime and really ask the question....Who are you? And who have I believed me to be?

March 27, 2001
6:10 pm
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lewis
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true
i haven't had a right in my household, no opinions, no noise.
who am i? well i'm a number of people in one, some sad, some unhappy, never really sure. but i like me most of the time.
as for the past, most of the time its in the past, now and again, it comes knocking. and it reminds me of everything i used to be, of everthing i don't want to be or do. in some ways it stablizes me, remembering.
take care thanks for the reply, have to go bed now. really tired!!!
(smiles).

March 27, 2001
6:32 pm
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Ladeska
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Lewis....Okay cutie.....night-night - sweet dreams.

March 29, 2001
1:57 am
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ness, i think u should go for hypnotherapy. i dont know whats this narcolepsy. hallucations .. something to do with the past ?

March 30, 2001
5:49 pm
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NESS
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I have heard that there can be some unwanted after effects with hypnotherapy ,I dont really want to mess with my head in that way.
Lewis,how are you doing at the minute?

April 1, 2001
7:33 am
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lewis
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i'm o.k. tired today though. had some really weird dreams last night. sometimes dreams are just dreams, they go away when u wake. then theres nightmares they tend to plague me in the day. i dreamt about spirits, bad spirts, a room i recognised but i've never been to?
any way how are u?
i think dreams are a mirror of our waking lives too?
take take.

April 2, 2001
12:29 am
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Hello again Ladeska!

Hi everyone...

Wow, how I can relate to this! It is now 12:37am est std time and I am awake and cleaning my home! (puter break!)I cannot not fall asleep well myself, and panic attacks! GOD do I know about them! I take Paxil for those, helped me alot with all the anxiety and attacks that were way out of control.,like every half hour!

Anyhow, what I want to say is "Listen to Ladeska!" I never met anyone wiser, and that includes my psychotheraphist! I swear to GOD!

Listen and Learn!

Peace and healing to you,
Kimberly Ann

April 2, 2001
4:04 pm
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Ladeska
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Kimberly....okay, girlfriend - cut it out with the YEA Ladeska thing! The really cool thing in life sometimes is that - we all learn from each other, while we're sitting around like little monkeys - grooming each other, eating bugs, swinging from trees, standing on our heads.... It's a pretty kewl phenomena actually. That's what we are all doing here I reckon. Everyone has stuff to contribute, some reallll intelligent people here and mostly - just "real" people. I like that. Most very awesome.

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