Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
beat the feeling of worthlessness
March 18, 2010
12:19 am
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

How do you do this? I feel as if many people would be much better off without me in their lives. I seem to create so many problems. I know in my head that this is a stupid way to think but I tell you the rest of me completely agrees that I am useless. A problem that cant be solved. I need help I think...

March 18, 2010
12:26 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are not worthless. Do something for others and take your mind off you for a while. Nobody is perfect. Give yourself a break.

March 18, 2010
12:39 am
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks - but all I am doing lately is for others. I have had enough of it. Then being told whats wrong with me on top of it.
I actually would like to do something for myself. No idea what.

March 18, 2010
6:40 am
Avatar
dudeguy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((gettnhere)))

You are absolutely right. Do something for yourself. Doing stuff for others when done from a desire for affirmation will only backfire.

Correct me if im wrong but your feeling of worthlessness appears to be stemming from excessive introspection. You are always looking at your self, examing your every word, feeling and action if its ok, if its acceptable, if its better. Dont do that.

Your actions do not need anyones validation for you to have value. Consider children, if a child acts silly or does some idiotic thing, yas a parent you ll scold them or even pank them or ground them right? whatever disciplinary action you take, your kids still have the original value. you dont love them any less. that is how it is with us people.

Your value does not diminsh if you don't perform well. its contant. others can rspond to you as if it does, but hey that is their business not yours and such people are not really worth having around you in the first place.

so what to do?

Take your mind off yourself!! Easier said than done.

Try telling yourself that fine, your performance is not perfect, granted. Sometimes it may be outright bad. But say to yourself that you are ok even if your performance is not. with time it ll be better but for now you wont beat yourself over it,

No one can ever give you value, that will only lead to people pleasing, codependency and approval addiction.

No performance, behavior, saying clever things, beeing appropraiate around others, winning respect and admiration etc, none of that can give you value, it ll only lead to a performance trap where you equate your value to your performance.

Only u can give yourself true value.

i know my post is long but read it slowly. remember no one can tell you you are wothless apart from yourself. and whe u say that to yourself you need to stop that thought in its tracks. ask yourself why u are saying that to yourself and call out time on it. call the thought what it is, a lie and a deception. refuse it, put it down and tr and replace it with an opposite thught.

This stuff may seem hard. but be patient with yourself.

keep posting

(((hugs)))

March 18, 2010
6:57 am
Avatar
dudeguy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This can shade some more light:

http://www.feminagirls.com/200.....ospection/

March 18, 2010
7:24 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm struggling with this too. Some of my reading makes me think that we have to go back to and reject the origination of these feelings. At some point, we were told we WERE worthless and not rejected and by someone we wouldn't question. We have to realize that the person we trusted didn't deserve our trust, that they were wrong to reject us and that we have it in ourselves to stop perpetuating that lie.

Our culture trains us to be more reliant on others' opinions because it works to keep us dependent and seeking approval outside of ourselves.

We can find that in ourselves, if only we trust ourselves. That trust is eroded and weak. We can build it up, we can be stronger, we can accept ourselves as valuable. We don't need permission from anyone but ourselves.

Here is a book I am reading. It is called Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson. It has some ideas for specific ways we can treat ourselves as worthwhile.

I am still reading and the only thing I've done is tried to tell myself that I love me.

bonni

March 20, 2010
6:30 pm
Avatar
gettnthere
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks bonni and dude...I think for me that it is in fact an inherited thought process; or at least one that I was trained to think about myself. I was always in the way or a burden as a kid-I was in fact reminded of how tough life was when I came along. I was literally told I was rubbish-I often had to clean the garbage of the household out of my bed. It was put there as a reminder of how filthy I was. I could go on and on about the reminders of my filth and worthlessness. I knew when I was a child how much of a burden I was. My underwear was too filthy to even touch- I was dirty. But not dirty enough to fondle and rape. I never knew what was coming. I would wake up each day and think what I could do to try to stop what might come my way. Nothing I did could help or was good enough. And it's still not. But I have a small family of my own, so I can certainly relate to the analagy of kids dudeguy. I guess that's what screws me up more-I have a child and to me the thought of being deliberately cruel and abusive is just inconceivable. But the thoughts of my own worthlessness remain. But I will check out the link; as well as look for more info regarding these thought processes. I know it's illogical but it's just very normal for me. I have spent the past many years trying to prove to my mother that I am not worthless. Maybe I should stuff that and just prove it to myself.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information