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bearing my heart but scared
May 1, 2005
11:42 am
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Randomwomen2
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I am thinking aobut telling the pastors wife if i can get her alone everythng that is going on with me. But i am scared to i am so scared that people will judge me and blame me for things. I do realise that i do need to tell someone or its going to eventualy kill me. Should i tell her or not and if i do do i tell her everything?? She knows about my previus abuse already but she doesnt know that i am having flashbacks and reliving it through those or that i am fighting an eating disoreder. Maybe she can help i dont know

May 1, 2005
12:51 pm
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ntheprocess
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Yes you should tell her if this is the person that you feel most comfortable with. Don't worry about people judging you. Those who count don't judge and those who judge don't count. I do not know your pastor's wife, but most pastor's and their wives are trained for counseling those that are going through what you are going through and so much more. Telling someone who knows you and that can support you during this period of your life is crucial. This is a start. Perhaps it would be easier if you called her on the phone. This could be the first step to a brand new life. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Take the first step towards your happiness and freedom. You are worth it!

May 1, 2005
1:08 pm
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mamacinnamon
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I agree w/ ntheprocess. This is the first step toward your happiness. I do feel tho that a face to face is better. You are less likely to hold back that way. On the phone you can disguise so much. In person, you are you and facial expression does alot toward getting your point across, etc. I'd be scared to, but go ahead and take that first step. It is a real doozie, but very important.

May 1, 2005
1:30 pm
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Desert Moon
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RW

Please tell her everything you have told us. We are here for you, but you need real human contact in a way that cannot be provided here. Please dont be afraid; nobody is going to judge you. You have been through so much and you cannot keep it all inside.

May 1, 2005
2:07 pm
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Rasputin
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You are doing the right thing RW and I am so proud of you.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Keep us posted!

May 1, 2005
5:35 pm
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Randomwomen2
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they were too bussy worying about my sis in law that they didnt give me a second thought so i couldnt talk today i wouldnt have there full atention or maybe any of it

May 1, 2005
6:04 pm
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Desert Moon
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Random,

Like i said in my thread that you responded to, don't try to talk about it when everything is chaotic, it's best to schedule a time when she can give you your full attention, perhaps an hour or two over lunch or coffee.

May 1, 2005
9:48 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I tryed to call my dad today i wanted to hang out with him and maybe talk a little more i let him bear his heart i just want my chance. I need my chance but i called him and he told me he didnt have time for me this week. A whole damn week that is a long time. I just want my daddy i didnt have him when i was young and i just thought maybe i could have him now i shouldnt be suprised he has done this before and it ended up beinga month before i got to see him but i feel like he has time for his other kids why the hell not me even though i am grown i still need my daddy it just hurts so damn bad. I love him I realy do and i know he is a bussy guy but i would drop everything at the drop of a hat for my boys even if they were 40 i would be there. I kinda this sounds stupid or selfish but i get envious of how he is to his other children how he has lots of time for them. I know that they are much younger than i am but it still hurts

May 2, 2005
2:33 am
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Randomwomen2
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but i need to get over it i dont think he wil ever change

May 2, 2005
8:15 pm
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Randomwomen2
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it is so hard though

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