Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Bad pattern
November 16, 2003
11:01 am
Avatar
dwr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello everyone
I don't know where to begin. I have been in a relationship for about 2 years. The woman is wonderful. She also works for me. She plays an important role in the business. She started working for me about 3 years ago, starting as a driver. Now she helps me run the whole business. I was married when she went to work for me. I left my wife about 6 months later thinking she was to overbearing, and downright mean. I stayed in motels, at my office, and at friends homes. Shortly after that I started staying with Cheryl. She seemed to treat me so good, I thought I was in love. Maybe I was?
Anyway I had made a deal with my wife to put her through school and get her an apartment by the school. So I ended up with the house. For a while I was living there with my Son. I was seeing Cheryl, and things seemed real good. She spent a lot of time at my home. Then started staying with me. I don't know if it was what I wanted or not, but I ended up buying another house, and she moved in with me. I don't know if that was what i wanted, but allowed her to. Durring the time we were seeing eachother, I spent time with both of my ex wives. I am friendly with both. They were filling some voids, and I for them. Never the less, it was like cheating on Cheryl. It was something I had done to my Ex wives as well. Now I am having the same feelings again. I never really took time to look at what I really wanted in a relationship. I was needing something, and don't think I really knew what it was. Even now she is hovering over me, or at least I feel like she is. I feel like there is something missing. I have also become very attracted to an old friend. And am wondering about the feelings I seem to have for her. Should I have Cheryl move out? and start counseling? and stay alone with my son for a while, and learn what I am doing? To her, and the women in my past? So I don't do this to anyone, and myself again? I feel trapped, If I ask for her to give me space, will she take it wrong? I don't want to hurt her. I realize I need help, and am going to a counselor this week. I don't like the pattern I have developed. It is not healthy for anyone, and hurts alot. WHAT DO I DO?

November 16, 2003
11:23 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi dwr
It does seem like a string of shallow relationships. I'm glad you are seeking counseling.

Sharing yourself amongst a bunch of women is not good for any involved. Is there sex with all of them?

There will be issues to explore with counseling and that will lead to answers.

I hope you will eventually be able to truly love yourself, and then a partner. Also, keep in mind the example you are setting for your son. He may become a drifter in relationships too.

Clearly you find that unsatisfactory. Maybe being alone for a while with him is the best move. Take the counseling and really make the best of it. Don't gloss over things and don't say you get it when you don't. Make sure you clearly explain your feelings, and get you messages across. Make notes. Make yourself your next business project. Invest time and energy into yourself.

Find out what is wrong, and work on fixing it.

You are a fixer-upper so get the tools and roll up your sleeves.

You'll be pleased with the finished product if you follow through all the way and internalize the new behaviours and change deep down to your core.

Enjoy the journey.

November 16, 2003
12:54 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

dwr,

What is it that you want? What don't you want? What do you want to achieve with therapy?

One thing that I can suggest is that you look at the commitment problem and see for example how your wife was downright mean when she was your wife and now she's a good friend when there is no commitment involved.

I think that while you are at this stage, the best gift you can give yourself and the women is no committments and make it very clear that you're not being monogamous to anyone. That would give you freedom, and them, fair info to make decisions upon.

November 16, 2003
1:23 pm
Avatar
dwr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks U/C, and Mafi
I think you are right. I need the time to myself. The relationship I am in has been good, Its just I feel Its missing something. Yes, there was sex involved in all the other relationships. Thats the problem I have with the newer relationship. I have not had sex with her, and havn't even tried. She says she Is in love with me, and will give me all the time I need to figure out if it is her, or someone else that I want. She says she admires that I am seeking help, and pleased that I will not get involved sexualy with her until I am completly single again. She is the one I have a strong attraction to, and have known her for 13 years. Thats why I feel like I am cheating again, eventhough I have not had any kind of sexual relations. I don't feel that it is fair to Cheryl, or me to continue the way it is.
Cheryl, and my X's don't believe I have the ability to be alone. My worst pattern is one in which, almost as soon as I get out of a relationship, I bounce right into another. Cheryl is affraid that if we split, then I will take another partner right away. I can see what she is seeing, from my past. Now with counseling, I am wanting to change that. I feel the need to be me. With no ties.
I feel that I have truly Loved all of the women I have been with, but maybe I really don't know what real love is. I think I need to find out.
I'll be back

November 16, 2003
2:23 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

dwr,

I think you're in the right track...

November 17, 2003
3:41 am
Avatar
dwr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well Everything went right down the toilet tonight. Maybe not everything, just me and Cheryl. She got on a drining bing, then accused me of all kinds of things, then threw her drink on me, I attempted to leave so as not to escalate the situation, then she tried to get physical, tried to break the window on my pickup as I tried to get away, then after I left she Knocked my harley over, breaking a number of parts, so I returned to make sure she did not do anymore damage, and had to call 911 just to get her to go with her son and leave. We had a hell of a time getting her to get into his pickup, then had to put up with harrassing phone calls, till I disconnected the phones. Wow, what a night. Man if this is what I do to women, This is really sucky.
She was trying to tell me that I was her whole life, now she wants money to leave. This really got of hand.
I don't feel to bad about her being gone right now, especially after deciding I needed some space for myself, I had hoped she would have understood a little better, instead of accusing me of cheating again.
Well, I can't wait to see the counselor the next time.
DWR

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
44
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110906
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer