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Bad night last night.....will I be able to keep my dogs?
September 1, 2006
4:52 pm
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tryin2smile
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I wish this was easier! I wish I could snap my fingers and have a good job, a place to go, no more fear, no more pain. He flipped out again last night. It was over something really stupid, I think. We both have a myspace page. We set it up because his kids have them and we were getting info from people that there were inappropriate things going on. So now we can keep an eye on what they are doing and communicate with them when they are at home with their mom. It is kind of fun too! I have found a lot of old friends from highschool. I only talk to the kids and a few close friends. It has become my only way of having friends really. My page is covered with pictures of us and the kids. And it is very clear in my profile that I am married (he made it clear when I created it that he expected it to be that way). Well anyway someone from high school friend requested me. It is a male. I have not been communicting with him. He is just on my "friends list". Big deal right! Well aparently it is to my h. He told me that I had to take him off. That it is inappropriate for his wife to be have a single male friend. He said I was being disrespectful and that "even if nothing was going on now that it is gonna happen cause that is how these things start." But in the same breath he claims to trust me???? I tried to explain that a myspace friend is not a threat. I told him that we don't communicate on the computer or anywhere else for that matter. It was nothing I felt I needed to hide from him and I have no interest or attraction to this person so I really didn't think it was a big deal. I don't care who he has or talks to on his myspace. I know that I am dealing with someone who is irrational, obsessive, jealous.....and so on. And I am so over this anyway. But I don't want him to think that I have any interest in any other men. That is the last thing on my mind right now. I can't even imagine what moving on with another man would feel like. His own thoughts and insecurities are going to fuel his anger when I finally get out. But I am sure that he is going to assume that I have met someone else regardless. And that just shows what he really thinks about me, or maybe women in general.

Today he called on his lunch to say he was wrong. He said that I am a human and even though we are married I am entitled to my own life. Oh, well thank you very much for your approval master. I didn't say that but it's how I felt. He never said he was sorry for freaking out in the first place either. I tried to explain that it wasn't his concerns that made me upset, it is the way he talked down to me and tried to intimidate me into doing what he wanted me to do. But he doesn't get that. He acts completely on his emotion, which is usually anger and it doesn't matter what he says or does to hurt me in the process. Maybe I am a little stubborn to. Once I felt that he was trying to tell me what I can do and who it is ok to talk to I got defensive. I flat out told him, "You are not going to tell me what to do". He should know that by now. His behavior IS abusive. But I do not let him flat out tell me what to do. That is why he is usually more subtle and manipulating about it. He has pushed the people I care about away from me, not told me flat out don't talk to so and so.

I feel like I am about to explode! My thought are spinning out of control. I wrote him a letter. It is what I plan to leave behind when I go. I told him "Do not contact me, do not contact my family, stay away from my children, if you see me somewhere turn around and walk away, I want NO contact with you" among other things. Does that sound clear enough? He won't do it. But at least I will feel confident that I set my boundaries up front. Now whats left is the details. I think I found an apartment that doesn't require a lot of income (they actually have income restrictions, but it is still a nice community). I do get some child support from my x. Finding a part time job shouldn't be too hard. I will have to get a doctors recomendation to keep my dogs though. The community does not allow pets unless they are medically necessary. But the person I talked to said that the doctor can say I need to have them for stress related reasons. HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF OR HAD A DOCTOR DO THAT? I really don't want to give up my dogs. One of them is very protective of me. She does not even let my h touch me let alone play rough with me or the kids. She has never bitten him. But she growls and gets anxious when he starts on a rampage or even if he is too loud or just plays too rough. And they both bark when someone approaches the house. Keeping them definitely would help relieve some of the stress that is to come. I will have to get on a waiting list for the apartment too. Hopefully it is not too long. I don't know how much of this I can take.

September 1, 2006
5:19 pm
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tryin2smile
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I feel so silly about being so concerned about keeping my dogs. I am sure someone out there must understand though. I am posting again so soon because it is Friday. My H will be home soon and I know I will not have the opportunity to be here over the weekend. I would also like someone elses opinion about the myspace friend thing. Is any one familiar with myspace? Have I done something wrong? Should I remove that person? If yes should I tell him why I am taking him off? I am kind of confused. Now that my h admitted his wrong doing I am questioning my own judgment.

September 1, 2006
5:35 pm
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chelonia mydas
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tryin2smile

Dont give up your dogs- there are programs to help put dogs in foster care with other families while you are trying to get your life straightened it out. I helped create such an organization in SC- I know they have them thoughtout the US. Contact your local shelter, kennel clubs, ASPCA to find help keeping your dogs. I will look for other resources to see if I can find anything else and post back in a bit.

I totally understand your attachement to you dogs. I rely on my pets to keep me sane in this insane world. They offer unconditional love and companionship.

September 1, 2006
5:42 pm
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chelonia mydas
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forgot to add to also contact your local womens/ domestic violence shelter to see if they have a program to house pets either in temporary foster care or a kennel etc. while you get out

will post again when I discover more info

Hang in there tryin2smile. I hope you are still out there and this information isn't too late.

I fully support what you are doing

September 1, 2006
5:47 pm
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CAMER
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cant you find a place that will take dogs??? I am a true dog lover and wouldn't part with mine.

As for the hubby, you are strong and setting good boundaries ((good for you))

Just be sure to keep you and your kids safe.

((camer)))

September 1, 2006
5:58 pm
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chelonia mydas
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OK- here is what I found so far...

This is general info from Humane Society of the United States
http://www.hsus.org/hsus_field....._animals_/

Here is a link to a list of current Pet Safe Havens across the country (please note that not all programs may be listed here, especially if you are in a more rural area) This link also has a downloadable .pdf entitled "protecting your pet from domestic violence"
http://www.hsus.org/hsus_field.....grams.html

I hope this helps. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

As far as the myspace thing- I beleive that it is OK to have single friends- male or female. If you trust your partner, then their friendships shouldn't be an issue- especially ones that are so open. I think it is just fine for you to have contact with an old friend. Especially since it was an old friend, not like you were scouting singles on the internet...

anyway...
Stay safe and know that there are resources out there to help you through this.

September 1, 2006
6:08 pm
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tryin2smile
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chelonia,
Tahnk you for the resources. I am sure they will prove to be helpful.

CAMER,
My problem is that I don't have much income right now. So I can't afford to go just anywhere, but I don't want that to hold me back. Also my oldest daughter is going into middle school this year and I would like to keep her in the same school district. I think she would be devistated if she had to change. The apartments will let me keep the dogs so long as I have a doctors recomendation. I just don't know how hard that will be to get. My sister loves my dogs and she has room for them. So if need be I am sure she would keep them for a while. But I really want to keep them with me. Especially the protective one. I will feel much safer with her.

September 1, 2006
7:10 pm
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chelonia mydas
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The closest thing I have heard of to a note to keep your pets is when I was a kid my case manager and my therapist both told the courts I had to stay with my pets for fear I would hurt myself without them. (based on their recomendation, the court let me stay with my Dad and my pets) So perhaps if you can't get it from your doctor, you could try a mental health professional. I haven't heard of that requirement before- except something like seeing eye dogs or seizure dogs.

i'm glad to hear that you have options for your furkids.

good luck n hugs

September 1, 2006
8:12 pm
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Zinnie
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I would not know what to do without a dog. I have always had one. Is there another community where you can live? Or can they stay with a relative or friend for a time until you become better situated?

I did watch an episode of the Dog Whisperer (LOVE that show) and there was a woman on there who suffered severe panic attacks. She was able to get her dog certified as an assistance dog because he was able to "predict" her attacks and lead her to safety.

Good luck.

Z.

September 1, 2006
9:45 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Yes, there is a program that allows you to keep your dog for stress purposes. I am not remembering it at this moment, but give me a little time and I'll find it for you.

My dog is a lab/heeler and he has literally saved my life several times. He has awakened me when I stopped breathing in my sleep. I'd not do w/o him.

Anyway, I'll run to the other site and see if anyone remembers. If they don't I'll post and hopefully we'll have an answer for you by the weekend.

Hang in there. 🙂

September 1, 2006
9:52 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Companion Animals provide friendship, social, and psychological benefits, as well as physical aid such as decreased blood pressure, heart rate, and respiration.

Studies have reported an increase in psychological well-being, self esteem, community integration, and a decreased dependence on others in people with disabilities who have Service and/or Companion Animals. Studies also site improved motivation, social acceptance, and the mitigation of the effects of loneliness. The animals are our teachers, especially the dogs. Many people find it easier to bond to an animal than to other people. The safety in this bonding can lead the way to the development of similar relationships with other people. Loving an animal is not threatening and can quickly heal any emotional scars on the human heart!

http://www.4pawsforability.org.....medogs.htm

September 1, 2006
10:08 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Here are the state laws regarding guide dogs. Just pick your state and it will address eligibility, houseing, etc. etc. etc. Great site.

http://sdog.danawheels.net/law.....laws.shtml

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