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Background checks A Good Idea For Dating Criteria?
May 15, 2005
12:46 pm
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sewunique
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I am just wondering if this is a good option. I am tired of meeting men who are not what they seem to be. Why wait for the red flags to begin to wave, and find out a bit more about the subject that you would be dating?

Some of you have tried dating services on line with some strange and unexpected surprises. I am not going that route, but when I do meet some of the guys here, I just want a heads up if there is something I should be aware of, you know?

From what I see and hear around here in the sunshine state is, that the guys are baically looking for one thing. I've been told going on a 'date' or even out for dinner is doing pretty good, as most women get hit on for a quick hello, wham bam, thank you ma'am, and I am not looking for that type of relationship.

I am thinking maybe taking some classes at the University or joining some professsional or charitable organizations may be the only way to find a man with higher, respectable standards and two brain cells with a correct connecting synapse. This may be the only way to meet a nice, respectable man friend. Well, maybe three brain cells, right?

Course, I have my lady friends to go out to nice places and do things with. But I do get approached for dates, so am just thinking doing a record check may be a vialbe ansewer? Could get costly, no?

Opinions, please from you single and younger folks.

May 15, 2005
12:49 pm
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sewunique
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.....delete, delete, delete one thread. I hit submit, then lost the site, sorry.

May 15, 2005
1:24 pm
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sdesigns
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I've never done it but I am starting to warm to the idea that if it looks like it might go somewhere (maybe a relationship), I would consider it. Before sex. From my last experience, I didn't learn any of the really bad stuff until I was hooked and I am NOT going to do that again. I think it was Rock Bottom that posted that there is a place called USSearch.com that is fairly inexpernsive. SD

May 15, 2005
1:25 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Well, it's about $60.00 I think per check.

If a guy seems too good to be true, and you are thinking of going deep, then it might not be a bad idea to see if he has a criminal record.

But dont forget Google, which is free. Google is a girl's best frined. Google his name, phone number, address. You can sometimes even see his name on a work website, to check employment.

I don't know that all guys are looking for one thing, but I do think that men have a lower threshold of sex than women do, usually. You might encounter that even in guys who are technically ok. It just the ancient dance between the sexes.

May 15, 2005
2:49 pm
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sewunique
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Here's the thing. Before i commit myself to any intimate encounter, and play the game, or dance the dance, I do want to make sure I am not just wasting my time or getting hooked into a bad situation. And there are many women I believe who have a threshold as men do; we just do not always show it or talk about it as much. (Though I have been guilty of posting on some of the more daring threads here. Just because some women are more naive, does not mean they are not well, able or willing.)

But even before any of the serious stuff is given a chance, I really want to know a bit more for my safety sake and sfety of my emotional state. Finding out about employment status and history is good. Even if is he a social worder is okay, even tho an MSW makes less than a practical nurse does. It is the matter that the career choice is different than a clerk.

Perhaps there is a magic wand that will present some outstanding guy for a friend, but I am not holding my breathe; makes me dizzy and turn blue.

I am surprised that more people here have not thought of this, with all the problems everyone encounters with bad relationships and sour dates.

To gain information of ones's character, I think one can start adding two and two together and by asking subtle questions. If it doesn't add up; hey, I ain't dumb, ya know?

I am going to try those sites out you guys posted and see what comes up. It is difficult having codependent traits and figuring out if you are being led on and I do not want entrapment of a bad relationship where I should have seen red flags. And I think my values are up there, so no schmucks for me.

Going now to the beach with my girlfriend, possible dinner and to see "Interpreter" if still around. It is not like I have want of friendship, just being very cautious with dating after this past encounter.

May 15, 2005
10:42 pm
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sewunique
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Thank you all for your great replies. If, and when I do date or think about getting serious with a guy, I will look into the situation first, what ever that may entail. Have him meet my girlfriends also makes perfect sense, right?

But for now, or forever, I am not going into the dating games. Oh, I might go out dancing if asked, but that is it. No one night stands or anything. I need to finish fixing me up and detaching form a couple of things first.

I know I have much to offer. But it isn't free and I am more serious about myself and life and people than to just get involved right now, if ever.

Wow, do some personal soul searching and this is what I came up with. This is going to be hard to be alone, but there is more to life and more to me than just trying to go out and date for fun. I still have friends to go and have fun with, losts of friends. Dating: It is not always worth it. But I am. Make sense?

May 16, 2005
12:26 am
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sewunique
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Each time I look at this thread title, I think how clinical it sounds. Yet where I have moved from, this place is so different. Where I was, I knew where to meet or not meet people of my choosing.

Here, with New Yorkers, young and old, it is the big city mixed with the South. A mixed bag. A hurry up and then wait world here. Anything goes, even bazzare. People seem to have less scrupples than in rural areas. I live in an area of retirees, mostly and yet the big cities, the rich and famous are nearby. Crime is higher than I found with google search for cities to live in downhere. Drugs and HIV are rampant down here. Florida is the third highest state for AIDS, and growing with the older population.

So I defend my clinical stance that I take precautions. Yet, if one tends to get serious about someone, I still think it is a good idea, especially if two and two does not add up to four.

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