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axcepting Ive learnt Co-dependant Behaviour
September 4, 2007
7:47 am
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HelloMe
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September 24, 2010
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Hello Everyone,

I have just signed up and wanted to express that it feels at last that the tables have turned.
I have been attracting relationships with emotionally void or abused women for years.

I have always known that my mother’s emotional distress while I was a teenager has had an affect on me.
I became the counsellor, the go between for her and my dad.

I have for years thought that I was just doing my job, that it was my role in life to save, help, and protect the woman in my life.

I have been involved with woman that have had chronic pain, have been raped and never opened up to anyone until me, had Bi- pola, Bulimic, anorectic, and recently a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Two weeks ago I saved this woman’s life from an attempted suicide and then because of her condition was abused and called all sorts of names.
I have taken myself away from the situation and only now feel those feelings of guilt that I am taking care of myself.
I must say that I was looking up support on BPD on the web and as it mentioned Co-dependency and I had already self diagnosed myself it has now all come around full circle.
I can smile knowing that I need to help myself and the weight off my shoulders is a fantastic feeling.
I don’t have top put myself out there anymore to help others.
I need to help myself to adhere to safe and healthy boundaries and I am already feeling free and less guilty.
I smile knowing that I have helped many people and now its my time, and its all about helping myself with the support of others that know what it is like to feel like you are not whole unless you are helping another……….
Sigh, the relief…

Thank you

September 4, 2007
10:18 am
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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Hi HelloMe, and welcome to the board.....see, you made a positive step for yourself by posting here...and you even said, its time for YOU now, your time, and helping yourself. See its all good.

You can always read some good books on codependcy that are very helpful.

And posting here is great "to get things out" and know others here truely understand your feelings.

Again, welcome to the site & keep on posting!!

((camer)))

September 4, 2007
11:36 am
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AQueen
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September 27, 2010
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Welcome to AAC. I suggest you get the book Codependent No More. You can get it used on Amazon.com real cheap. The book literally changed my life. I always recommend it to newbie on this site that have codie (codependent) issues.

This site is a excellent place to find support, advice, info, and positive feedback. Have you ever thought about counseling? Seeing a counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, is essential to my recovery from codependency. Taking responsiability for my part in unhealthy relationships I've been in is hard to do at times. But it must be done to heal.

Seeing a counselor to work through my problems has helped me move forward and my life has started to really change. Learning to set boundaries, being responsiable for protecting myself from toxic people, ending friendships and relationships with unhealthy people, building up my self esteem, figuring out why I always end up in bad relationships, learning how my upbrining in a alcoholic home has a lot to do with seeking out unhealthy toxic friends and partners as an adult, and much more.

My dad is an alcoholic and my Mom is a codependent. I grew up to be addicted to drugs and to date men with addiction issues. I became codependent too. So I replayed roles from childhood in my adult life by becoming addicted like my dad and codep like my Mom. I behave like my Mom did in relationships, caretaking and enabling. The men I dated acted like my dad, emotionally unavailable, trust issues, verbally abusive, sometimes physically abusive. So we often act out sick roles from our past, childhood specifically. So keep posting and give that book a try.

AQueen

September 4, 2007
12:05 pm
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Hepburn
Los Angeles, California
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September 29, 2010
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Welcome Hello Me!

From reading your post it sounds like we grew up in the same family. It took a major CRASH AND BURN for me to wake up and realize I was codependent. I can't remember when I had a relationship that was "normal". I was married for 12 years to a man who was bi-polar and a cheater, then the recovering alcoholic and my latest had a personality disorder (who I almost married)

I too feel relieved, but I'm also a little frightened. I've been codependent all my life and now I have to change (although a good change) my core being. AQueen is right, following through is now essential. What has been helping me has been the CoDA meetings and the book Codependent No More. What a great book! Of course as I'm reading this book I'm thinking, wow, this would be a good book for my friend- and my cousin has "this" problem......If that isn't codependent, I don't know what is! ha It takes time, and I've had to learn to be patient with myself, after all, I'd been patient with all the other people I've tried to "fix"!

Congratulations! And I hope you keep posting on the board. It's been a God-send to me.

XO, Hepburn

September 6, 2007
9:40 pm
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2forgiving
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September 27, 2010
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Hi, I'm new to this site. I stumbled across it looking for a new fix for my marriage. I've been married to my husband for twenty years and have two children. Me and my spouse both came from alcoholic fathers and mothers who were peace makers .I think my husband might have a bipolar disorder.He has had an addiction to crack,cocaine,and weed. Currently I think its only weed. He revealed to me after 19 years of marriage that he had been sexually molested by a neighbor when he was a child. This explains some of the mood swings and bouts with dpression.Our marriage has been an emotional roller coaster. What times he has been to counseling he was forced by employers or me.After our last blow up labor day weekend, I decided my shouting and unkept threats were never going to work. We argue at least four out of seven days. When its good betwen us its great, but when its bad its hell. I find myself angry and constantly thinking about my unhealthy relationship. I'm trying a new tactic of detachment without showing anger. I'ts killing me not to be able to be affectionate towards him. I know though if I make the first move to resolve our lastes fight over his compulsive behavior that I will just set myself up for another heart break.This is the cycle that keeps repeating its self over and over again.I'm trying to find something that will help me keep my sanity while trying to cope with this storm. He has not worked in three days.The past three days he has laid around in the bed and slept at least seventeen hours out of twentyfour. He does this about every ninety days for three days. This bout with depression is usually after a fight we have had, or something has disappointed him greatly. I'm not giving him anymore ultimatums because I know I will not keep them. I know I can't fix him. He is the only one who can break the cycle. I've got to find some way to deal with this while he resolves his issues. I know there is a high chance it want be resolved. I have to start thinking about a future without him. This maybe the only way to have peace in my life Thanks for letting me vent tonight. I welcome all support and suggestions.
2forgiving

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