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Attended my first ALANON meeting today.
February 7, 2007
1:56 pm
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caraway
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I attended a meeting today at lunch and was curious to know if anyone else here had tried ALANON?

I tried to get comfortable with CODA and just didn't feel like I belonged. One of the concepts that hit my right away is that folks become irritable. I have become so cranky lately that I can't even stand myself.

Any thoughts?

February 7, 2007
2:51 pm
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atalose
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I attend alanon and get allot out of it. You have to give it a change and you have to find the right meeting for you. The first alanon meeting I attended I just didn't seem to fit in so I tried another one at a different location. I attended several until I found the one that fit me best.

I think when our lives become unmanagable we become irritable. The good thing is you are aware of your own behavior and don't like it. That's more then half way to changing the behavior you don't like.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 7, 2007
4:20 pm
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startingover
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Hi Caraway

It's funny that you would mention that "irritable thing" - the opening says
"we can become irritable and unreasonable"...and the first time I heard that I thought well, gee, amazing isn't it that we could become irritable at the drunk or addict in our life, but I have come to see that it is true. I become irritable when I'm tired, my son asks "Mom, why are you always mad?", and that hit home.

I have attended AlAnon for over a year now and it one of the best things I have done for myself. It seems to be a easy program to work, and is broken down into simple, easy-to-attain steps, and it has been a wonderful process for me. I hope it helps you, too.

SO

February 8, 2007
10:41 am
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caraway
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SO and Atalose,

Thanks for the input. So, you menioned being irritable when tired and I find that I am tired all of the time now. It dosen't seem to matter how much rest I get. I have seen my Medical doctor, and I am I am dating one, but I never feel rested. I think my my mind is racing all of the time.

I feel like I am trying to force myself to stay with this man and work it out for some purpose. It is like my will has been challenged and I am determined to prove that can survive any kind of treatment.

I have tolerated things that I would have never imagined that I would.

Cary

February 8, 2007
8:16 pm
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startingover
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Hi Caraway

That seems to be the nature of our codependent personalities - tolerating things that others would proobably not. It's great to be kind and tolerant of others, but not at our own expense.

I had to sink to the bottom before realizing there was a problem. Overcaring for others was destroying me. My children, my patients (I'm a nurse) a BF who had lost his son and was drinking himself to death...before that my parents who both drank, and so on.

AlAnon has those simple little phrases that actually sound kinds stupid when you read them or hear them; however I find myself pausing at times and telling myself "Think"...or asking myself "how important is it?" and it makes a huge difference in how I react to others, and tend to my own well-being.

This is what I am learning from AlAnon. I haven't been to NarAnon, although I would like to try that, too. Have you?

SO

February 9, 2007
10:55 am
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caraway
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SO,

I am not familiar with NarAnon, is that for narcotics? I am going on the 20th to have a therapist try hypnosis. I have been in counseling on and off again for years. This therapist is dual licensed and is an MD as well. The idea is that he can help ease some of the anxiety and help let the past go.

You are exactly right about "overcaring" I know that I am doing more than I should. I have even had moments where I asked myself, what are you doing?, this is insane, where is your pride?

I just have this need to prove that I can overcome his patterns and what I feel certain is a sexual addiction that he has just been able to curtail for a period of time. He left to go out of town this weekend and I am just sick inside. I feel like he is going to "act out".

Why would there be any need for further consideration? If I feel that way, can't trust him; why not just end it?

Cary

February 9, 2007
11:06 am
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lettingo
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I went to my first alanon meeting about 8 years ago. I don't remember what I heard but I cried so much through-out the whole meeting that I never went back. I did start going to another one about a year and a half ago. I LOVE IT. It helped being able to let go of all my little screts to people who had been there. I have meet awesome friends and support. They say you should go to at least 6 minutes before deciding if it's right for you. It is also good like mentioned to try different meeting to see which one is best for you.

February 9, 2007
12:54 pm
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caraway
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lettigo,

I am going to another group in morning at 7:30. Thanks for the support.

Cary

February 9, 2007
3:56 pm
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atalose
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caraway,

I can remember feeling like I just couldn't give up, like I needed to prove I could be the one who made the difference in my ex-husbands life so he'd change. I think deep we wish we had that kind of power to change someone else but we continue to learn over and over again, we don't, yet, we keep trying.

If your gut is telling you he has a sexual addiction and may act out on it, listen to your gut.

You need to figure out why you are tolerating these things and what is keeping you tied to this man besides love because love isn't suppose to make us feel that bad.

I think when they pain of staying becomes greater then the pain of leaving, you'll get yourself healthy and strong and make the best decison for yourself.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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