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At what point does the divorce process get easier?
March 8, 2007
2:13 pm
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lifeistooshort
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Has anyone recently divorced with kids or in the process of filing? How do you stay strong?
Thanks!

March 8, 2007
3:03 pm
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2alone
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I am 2.5 years into the legal divorce process - but counseling and then my decision to leave the marriage began a good 6 months earlier. I'll be honest - the pain lessens - but every once in a while he'll do new things to me - sink to new lows to get back at me - it feels like it will never end. My stbx is a narcissist if that helps explain anything.

My only advice is to rely on your friends. You are stronger than you realize...and you'll make it through fine.

March 8, 2007
3:09 pm
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soprano2
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Am in the process of seperating and then I plan to file by summertime (unless I get the courage to do so before). Have two children: 3 and 4 years old. I know that it is going to be very difficult, but, then again, the marriage has probably been more difficult than the divorce.

I agree with 2alone. We are all stronger than we realize and give ourself credit for. This place is great too. Have many friends here to support and love me unconditionally (as well as kick me in the cyber butt if I get too far off course--always done with love.)

Good luck and keep me posted.

March 8, 2007
3:20 pm
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on my way
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From what I understand divorce is rated equally with death on the stress factor scale. It just isn't an easy thing to do. But you'll get through it.

March 8, 2007
3:21 pm
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lettingo
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I do not have any children but I just finalized my divorce yesterday. I have to say, I am dealing with a lot of saddness BUT about three months ago, I could barely breath or get out of bed. I thought I would end up in the luny bin. So looking back, it definetely had gotten easier. I go to Alanon (my husband is an addict) and I have a therapist. I also get a lot of support from my friends when I reach out. I hate to say it but you get through it one day and sometimes one hour at a time. It has gotten easier. It is a very painful process but you will survive and even thrive. I am also talking to myself when I say this because I too am struggeling.

March 8, 2007
3:22 pm
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needtoheal
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At the time of separation, my children were 3 and the other was only 14 months old... Although my ex left, I initiated the divorce process... it took about 13 months..

It is difficult.. but just as others have said, you are stronger than you think... Hang in there..

**NEED

March 8, 2007
5:51 pm
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Hi lifeistooshort (love your name)

Here is an excellent book you might find helpful: Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti.

Although I have been neither married nor divorced, I found this book gave huge amounts of wisdom and practical advice for rebuilding my life - and my self after the end of a relationship. It is specifically geared for people who are divorcing, though. If you can find a copy, I hope it will give you good support and ideas you can use.

all the best, kroika

March 9, 2007
10:14 am
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lifeistooshort
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Thank you everyone for your words of strength and support. I do keep hearing the whole divorce process is like a death. I appreciate the honesty. It's just another fork in the road. I have been through alot already and made it through... what's another!

March 9, 2007
12:25 pm
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smarterone
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I can only measure the pain according to the circumstances, Did you want it also? Children involved? Whatever it is, it like everything else in life takes time to heal. You will heal, you dont think so now, but there will be that day when you can look back at this as another lesson in life and will grow from it. Until then good luck.

March 13, 2007
1:12 pm
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lifeistooshort
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Hi Smarterone,
Yes, it is my choice. 2 kids involved 10 & 8 (boys). I filed 2 years ago but reconciled because of promises and changes. My feelings for what he did in the past will never heal. His internet problems and chat room talks with minors was a discusting feeling in my heart. I tried to get over the lying and the pain, but can't. I can forgive, but I'll never forget what I had to go through. I believe I am ready this time. He has alot of issues that need long term help. When I met him he was 20 and I was 12. Great provider, good job never would have thought. Ten years into our marriage he was talking to minors on the internet. Sicko! I wish my mom would have turned in him years ago but she thought I really loved him, but because I love my boys so much I can't regret of ever meeting my husband. I can only go forward. Sincerely, lifeistooshort

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