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At breaking point, goodbyes written...please help!
May 18, 2001
1:09 am
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frostycub
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I am miserable. I am ashamed to say that I convinced myself that I was going to do it. I wrote a couple of goodbye letters to family and friends, had every intention of following through, but upon thinking of those people, broke down at the last moment. I looked up the number for a crisis center, had the phone in my hand, but cannot dial. I can't explain it. I want to stop my pain, but don't want to cause the people I care about pain in doing so. I'm going crazy. Please help me. Anything! Please!

May 18, 2001
2:59 am
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whatsup
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frosty I don't thing your crazy. Just sit down for a min and think to your self what could be that bad? Hell befor you go and say good bye to the world think about that little heart inside your chest. I bet it's scared and still loves your brain that wants to make it stop beating. I don't know you but I just want to say I care about you. I hope you stay safe tonight. Put your arms around your self and give your self a great big hug from me. I also had a pretty bad night. Glad your here.
((((((((((((frostycub)))))))))))))))
hang in there!!!!!!!!!

May 18, 2001
5:17 am
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paulw
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can someone help me ive been working away from home recently and slept with a prostitute and now think ive picked up the aids virus as ive a realy sore throat and phlem at the back of it been taking antibiotics but wont go away also skin is starting to become irritating and on top of this i have made love to my wife three times since ive been home i am realy depressed and pettrified of going to the doctor and asking for a blood test as im realy scared of the outcome.

May 18, 2001
5:45 am
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lost soul
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whatever the outcome will be, it's best you go for a blood test. only by doing that you will be able to put your mind at ease.

May 18, 2001
6:12 am
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janes
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Paulw....I don't think the aids virus will show up that fast but it could be another std that is very antibiotic resistent....if you've slept with your wife it's only right to get tested and find out what's going onso you can protect her health too.

Frostycub....YOu had the notes written but didn't want to cause those you love pain....you "cannot" dial for help because you don't want to cause them pain....

How are they going to feel when you are gone and find out how unhappy you were ...if they love you they would rather go trough the pain with you than have you suffer.

Seeking help may also help them!!!

Get the help you need and wnat. It can only make everyones lives better - in the long run!!!

May 18, 2001
8:57 am
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chippy
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Frosty,

I understand how you feel, please understand that those feelings will change. I'm glad to hear you still are reaching out to us.

The pain is hard, and it gets intense. That is why we need each other. Maybe in some ways we are luckier than other people cause the pain causes us to reach out, where some people never really understand how much we need each other. We are given a gift in all this, that is the gift to truly help others by our experience. My nephew was very self centered and then he went through this very painful period of depression and anxiety. We rallied around him and today he is on the other side of the pain. I can truly say I think he is a more compassionate and loving person because of the experience and he truly can help heal other people's wounds. That is a gift. I went through tremendous darkness and wanted the pain to end. It had ended and I am still here. I am on the other side of it......know that there is the other side and reach out to us to get there.
To get there you need professional help, call a counseling center or hospital for referral today. Make that your mission!
Write back!

May 18, 2001
3:00 pm
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pg lova
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Frostycub,

As someone who struggled with depression for years and is now in remission, I can tell you that I understand your pain. But, do not kill yourself!!!!!!!!!!!! Do what I did, and get into a support group. BElieve it or not, you are not alone. So many other people share your pain. Through interaction with people who share your pain, you'll find strength. Also, I understand your reluctance because I was reluctant too, but I did ask for help and I got it. Now, I'm all the better for it! GEt that help you'll be glad u did.

God Bless

PG Lova

May 18, 2001
3:06 pm
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silence
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Did writing the letters help? When I was 16 and at my lowest point, I wanted to die. I wasn't close to any family members and had no friends, so I didn't really write any notes or messages or anything. I just went ahead and tried to off myself. I failed of course, and made myself really sick for the following 2 weeks. The whole time I felt even worse because I found one more thing I could not accomplish.

After I recouperated from my attempt, I simply ran away from it all and started hitchhiking. I got picked up by the cops and they searched my bag which stupidly still had my name and address sewn into it. They took me home much to my parents surprise. They didn't even know I had been gone.

They dumped me off into a mental hospital for kids at which point I told the doctors about my suicide attempt. They relayed that info to my parents. The first words out of their mouths were, "I didn't see any note. Are you sure he tried that?" Why would I have left a note when I barely saw them anymore?

I didn't have any goodbyes to say at the time. I had no attachments and I thought no reason to stay on this earth. In some ways I'm still looking for reasons... But back to my main question. Did writing the letters anchor you back a little bit to wanting to stay?

May 18, 2001
4:40 pm
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ct2001
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Frosty, you're in a battle for your life. Although your circumstances, for good reason, have caused pain, the real enemy is now inside you.

Severe depression is warm and seductive. Once it captures a place in your mind, you want more of it. Once established, it eagerly dispenses grief for mourning, but withholds the accompanying sense of release for healing.

When we scrape or cut our skin, we don't deliberately aggravate the wound. It hurts us more and it forestalls healing. Of course, that makes no sense at all.

But you and I both know, you've spent hours at a time reliving the very same stomach churning issues that originally caused your pain. Even worse, certain formerly benign memories have surfaced and transfigured themselves as brand new regrets--and wounds.

I've heard it said that God never gives us anything we can't handle. I'm not so sure of this.

Frosty, if you haven't done it already, please make your call now. There's someone waiting for it who can ease your pain--if you will allow it. Then maybe you can help me.

May 18, 2001
10:40 pm
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paz
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Frostycub,

This is my first time on this web site. I'm glad I landed on it because when I read your message I had to respond. Believe me, there are so many people out there that are in your situation. You may feel like you have reached your breaking point, like nobody could possibly understand you, and like you are all alone in this world, but please seek help. There are professionals out there that can help you, it's worth it. I was depressed for a long time and recently decided to go see a professional. The first session helped tremendously, just to be able to talk in a non threatening environment was a big relief. So please, get help, call a hotline or a counseling center and tell them what is going on. Once you make that first call it can only get better. There are people who care about you!

May 19, 2001
1:37 pm
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broken
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Frosty Cub,
I have been having those same thoughts, about killing myself. I do the same thing you do, think about who you leave behind. Two years ago a friend of my family killed herself, she had a husband of 10 years and a little boy. The pain the people you leave behind experience is 10 times more and years longer than what you feel now. I still hurt after my friends suicide. That kind of pain, loss of a loved one, you never really get over. The pain you have now does go away! Show yourself strong and patient for that time! Think about 5 years from now, where you will be in your life, all of the wonderful things that will happen, all of the times you will say, "Thank God I didn't do it." There are so many times you will say that, I promise. Reach out to the people who would be the most hurt if you were gone, tell them what you are feeling, and let them know you aren't just messing around. Feeling good doesn't come immeadiately. Take pleasure in the little things first: a child's laughter, sunsets, your favorite meal, a beautiful song, driving through puddles, anything that used to make you smile, and with effort, you will smile again! I hope that you make it through this day, and the next and the next after that. People in your life care about you, and even me, a complete stranger, so you need to learn to care about yourself as well!

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