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AS A MOTHER, WHEN DO YOU START THINKING ABOUT YOUSELF?
October 11, 2006
5:57 pm
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nappy
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I know as a mother that when your children get grown, then that is the time for you but when does that happen and you don't feel guilty about not doing for your children all the time. I am trying to break from that habit of worrying about them all the time. I need to be worrying bout ME. Maybe because my boys was my life until they got grown but I just don't know how to let go and live my life. Don't get me wrong, I do live my life but I be so worried about them and thinking of the worst that could happen.
I know that others tell me that they are grown and that they have to live there life and make the mistakes and I understand all of that. I just need to worry about myself and not feel guilty about things.

October 11, 2006
6:38 pm
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Hi Nappy,

Littlespirit here.

I want to start by saying that to me it is not worry. Worry smorry! I had a teacher many years ago who asked me "What's the pay oof for worry. Why do you want to focus on the negative?" I thought this was a good point and wanted to share this with you.

To me its aout being on my own. I am a single mother for 23 years, and really loved being a mother. Really and truely loved it. I always felt like a single mother anyway as my husband was rarely home. Too much time alone. When I forgot to think about me, I kinda lost myself. At one time in my life ... I washed my kitchen floor three times a day, and found myself even showering three times a day and I knew something was wrong. Then I was truly afraid to answer the phone or to even call out.

Yet what always, always nourished me was school or work. Different kinds of work at different times ... yet it felt good to i suppose be busy.

Now that my children have all flown the nest this is me time for the first time in along time. The major way I am making this adjustment is through totally renovating my house.

And its some fun too ... this period of change.

I don't really believe in guilt or regret. I am trying my best ... almost all of the time.

And I do like me.

October 11, 2006
6:49 pm
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October 11, 2006
7:28 pm
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doubleloss
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nappy, i don't have children but i can talk about this as a child of a mother that ALWAYS thought about herself. Not in a selfish, neglecting way, but in a way that made her a whole, happy, complete human that was a woman AND a mother. She loved us to pieces, took incredible good care of us, we ate together at the set table EVERY day, she did not dot on us but made us participate in all aspects of family life, at our own level. She was happy with herself, had her own life and I think that made her not only interesting and loving; but strong and open minded. REally, I have no idea how she did it. It was 4 of us. I wish she was alive so I could ask her. And heck, no, she wasn't perfect, for a while as a teenager I hated her guts!! you know...i knew everything, LOL!

if i ever had kids, i'll try to do that, keep myself happy and fulfilled so I have something to give my kiddies.

just thoughts from a daughter that had the fortune and blessing of having an amazing mother.

October 11, 2006
10:55 pm
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lovetocrochet
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My kids aren't grown yet but I get the feeling I'll always worry about them to some extent. I think it's in the Mommy gene!

I would only be concerned if it was a worry that pervaded your everyday life, or it interfered with you developing an adult relationship with your children. Like if you felt you had to keep directing what they do and the fact that they will make their own mistakes keeps you up every night.

Otherwise... it's probably normal 🙂

October 12, 2006
12:19 pm
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nappy
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Thank you all so much. Sometimes I can let fear get in the way of my feeling. I know that my feeling are from when my own mother died when I was 14. I guess all of the things that I had to learn really on my own was very hurtful and I didn't really have anyone to teach me except my grandmother and I loved her dearly but she could only teach me about life but I was to young to really understand what she was saying until I got grown. I know that my boys will make mistake in life and hope that they learn from them. I just don't like the negative feeling that I have all of the time. I know that others think that I don't have a positive attitude about life but I do, it just sometimes the negative can take over the positive. Even with my grandson, I sometimes see that his parent don't do right, maybe because I wouldn't do some things but I tryng to learn to except them because those of his parents and as long as those things is not causing him harm then, I trying to learn to not say something all of the time.

October 12, 2006
12:43 pm
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on my way
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nappy,

Maybe you have true gift of discernment and sensitivity to see these things happening with your sons and grandson. I have boys too, and they are all grown...and I still worry, but what I do more of now is when I see or discern something worrisome to me in them, I pray. Sometimes it is an over-reaction, sometimes not...and if I let it worry me, I would be a basket case! So I welcome those little insights that may not be received well if I said something, and I take it to prayer. It helps, as I have found some things are beyond my control, and I need to let go....so in this sense I am taking care of me.
But I don't think parents ever stop worrying or being concerned for their children.

It is difficult though at times to know WHEN to intervene. My 24 year old is worrying me to death. He KNOWS what he can do, is to do, but is actively going in the opposite direction. He is an alcoholic and it is destroying him. So currently I wonder, do I intervene? Maybe.

But do nice things for yourself too. Be good to yourself, and whatever that means for you.

hugs and kudos to you.

October 12, 2006
12:56 pm
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nappy
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Thank you on my way, Thank you very much. I have been told so many times to change the things that I can, and to accept the things that I can not change. I know as a mother that I will not stop worrying about my family but I just hope that god give me the strength to seek him first before I start worrying so much. I guess you hit it on the nose about when you try and tell your kids something, they go into the opposite direction of what you said and that does make me angry but I have to understand that they are adults. I guess that I haven't done anythings nice for myself because I have always gave to others and never really look at myself. Thank you!

October 12, 2006
1:45 pm
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smarterone
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Here I go....you like I never stop. I am55 i have one son, 30, lives with me, after drugs for years, lived on streets, i stuck by, and now he is thank god, getting a normal life. Of course, I moved out of my county again, and we are starting over. But i am always there, and when it comes down to it, i have no one else but Mikey,who I met a year ago and still have a husband in prison 6 years. So, I also have a 35 year old son, who in the year 2000, decided that if i was going to stay with the man i was married to (now in prison) he wouldnt talk to me. He never has, i have tried everything. He doesnt talk to me or his brother. Him and his father are together all the time and i heard from my mother he had a big wedding. So i know i was a good mother, moral, no matter what you do, or i do, i cant change who i am. I only know i can say i always tried. Good luck.

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