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Around what age do people usually meet "the one"?
May 4, 2005
2:19 am
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Hollie
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Hey guys,

Around what age should we start considering people we date as perhaps "the one"? Or I guess around what age should people start worrying if they still haven't found someone that they want to spend a good portion of the rest of their lives with? At what age do most people meet the person that they eventually marry?

I know that the answer varies depending on a lot of factors and that the question in itself assumes that there is even such an ideal concept as "the one". It's just that I have been thinking about this a lot since my last break-up with a guy. It hit me harder than previous break-ups because I realized that I am getting older, and I am just afraid that he might be "the one" whereas prior break-ups I knew that the guys couldn't possibly be because we were so young.

I am 28 right now, and frankly I am afraid that I should have already met my serious prospect by now to at least start investing emotions. I just don't want to dismiss those around me when I should be considering more seriously and then suddenly wake up one day and realize that my prime is gone.

Please share. Thanks.

May 4, 2005
2:27 am
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gingerleigh
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I'm 29. I met my soon-to-be ex husband when I was 25. He filed for divorce yesterday. I never thought he was "the one"... he was a good man, and I married him. But given how things turned out, since I signed my copies of the petition tonight, I guess he wasn't the one. So for me, I don't know.

My good girlfriend is 35. She has not yet met "the one" but she's an awesome lady, set in her career, beautiful, intelligent, and funny.

Some friends of mine are in their fifties. They met when they were 23. They got married within 2 months of knowing each other and are still together.

A coworker of mine met her now husband when she was 34. They married when she was 35. They are still together and just had their first baby two years ago.

There is no "right age". *smile* I'm sure you knew that already though. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not having found that ultimate special someone.

Your prime? What, your physical prime? Honey, that started declining when you were 19. *laugh* What matters is confidence, grace, and real beauty. 19 year olds are pretty. 60 year olds are beautiful.

May 4, 2005
2:48 am
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Rudie
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Well said ginger,

I too believe that there is no age limit on these things.

We are as different as our faces and so what may apply to me will not have any bearing on you.

My brother got married when he was 19, my sister (who is 4 younger than I am) fell in love and became seriously involved when she was 21.

Me? I have never even liked a guy. tee-he-he.

It just depends, hon.

No need to plan these things or to wonder if this or that person is "the one" (I personally don't believe that there is a "one" but that's another issue).

What I do know is that when you do meet that person you'll know it, it will feel right, you won't have to guess.

Just my take

Rudie

May 4, 2005
8:22 am
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artist 2
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If I may take a chance and recommend a book: Surrendered Single. But, be careful, the woman who wrote this book is considered to be Christian.

May 4, 2005
8:27 am
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kc30
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I dont' even know if I believe there is a "one" anymore, but I sure hope there is!! I met my husband at 24 and was POSITIVE he was the one. Boy, was I wrong...I filed for divorce at 30

I don't know if there is an age....maybe it's more to do with where we are in our life...peaceful, fulfilled, good esteem, happy alone...that always seems to be the point when you hear of people meeting "the one" and living happily ever after....

kc

May 4, 2005
8:49 am
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Rudie
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I agree wholeheartedly KC.
How'd you get to be so smart? šŸ™‚

Giggles

Rudie

May 4, 2005
9:28 am
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kc30
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Rudie...if I'm so smart, why is it I'm married to a lying, adultering alcoholic šŸ™‚ haha...but I did file for divorce, so I guess I'm getting there (just took going back 3 times for more of the same to "get it"!)

kc

May 4, 2005
9:39 am
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Deena
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I agree with KC...I really don't know if the "one" actually exists. Im 32, divorced at 27 with 2 kids, just starting to heal from another long term relationship...Just don't "look" for that special person. They say when you least expect it that's when it usually happens...Me, Im not cut out for the happy ever after fairytale.

May 4, 2005
2:56 pm
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kathygy
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I have had more than one 'the one'. The first one was when I was 18 and got married 6 years later. Ended in divorcee. After that there was three more 'the one's. I was 30, 40 and 51. So I don't see any age specific for 'the one'.

May 4, 2005
3:30 pm
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Rasputin
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Guys,

Love can come any any age. The beautiful thing about love is that it comes without appointment. It takes you off guard.

I will tell you something I witnessed. I know an old lady who lives in my neighborhood. She is not only old, but also divorced/separated, has 4 kids, and she wears dentures. Two years ago, she got married. Her b/f is a old man who has never been married.

Do not lose hope, love comes at any time and unannounced!!!

WINK

May 4, 2005
4:13 pm
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Found 'the one' age 36 years, nine months.

Lost 'the one' age 37 years, six months.

May 4, 2005
4:24 pm
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That sounds so lame!!!! Sorry!

How can I possibly have thought he was 'the one' when I only knew him for such a short time?

When he lured me into believing he loved me?

When he sent a text one day asking me if I'd like my tongue cut out?

When he crosses the street if he sees me?

He is 'the one that got away'. Thank f**k for that.

May 5, 2005
2:17 pm
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Hollie

Sorry for the tone of my posting here. I have just been through one of the worst few weeks of my life. And I just had to vent!!

Meeting someone special, someone who returns the feeling. A mirror. A soulmate. It can absolutely happen at any place, at any time.

I am sorry you have just been through a tough break-up. And it's perfectly natural to question the concept of 'the one' - because it's what we are all programmed to expect.

Maybe by questioning it, you will be wiser as to the reality of what a real relationship means for you, so that when it does come along, you will just know it..

: )

~love charlie~

May 5, 2005
6:54 pm
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on my way
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charlie...
have not learned anymore from you about the lump...are you ok?

May 6, 2005
3:48 am
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omw

Yes, I wasn't sure what thread to mention it on, and didn't want to start a new one.( I have written about it on DB's thread)

I had an ultrasound scan, to check my neck and the arteries, since I had had a tia (numb on the right side for about an hour). Everything looked normal - there was no mass to be seen that was worrying to the doctors.

I still have a lump there, but they believe it is just an enlarged node rather than anything sinister. I am going again next week to review everything.

I am still recovering from the shock of it all. I have had the scariest weeks of my life. But it has made me address things I was previously took for granted.

I am still me though, and that includes the traits of anxiety and obsession. I guess even the threat of death cannot obliterate that.

Therapy starts again next week. I had started to feel angry about all of this. ( and also because it brought back my old 'friend' panic)

I just want to make the most of my life, count all my blessings and work on becoming a happier person, because life is soooooo precious, I don't want to lose sight of that again...

Thank you for asking!

Hope things are going well for you

~love charlie~

May 6, 2005
3:52 am
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P.S. All the tests I had done including risk of stroke (blood pressure, ECG, bloods, cholesterol level etc.) showed that this would not have happened to me, had I not over-extended my neck that day it happened. It was a mechanical interuption of the blood flow. I am (only!) 38 years old. And starting from last week, I am living a much healthier lifestyle just to make sure I stay healthy for the future..

~love charlie~

May 6, 2005
2:53 pm
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Hollie
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Charlie:

Actually, I was not offended by your tone at all.
šŸ™‚

Best wishes for your health. šŸ™‚

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone:

Thanks for the responses. My priorities have been so focused on other areas of my life that I think maybe I passed up a lot of opportunities to find that someone. Now that other things are fairly settled and I am ready for a committed relationship, I am realizing that it is so much more complicated than any other endeavors.

I guess in a sense that's exactly why I have focused so much on other things before striving for a relationship. Things like professional success or other goals in general, can almost always be achieved and realized if you set your mind to it and exert enough effort. Relationships however, there are so many variables that we might as well just say that is dependant upon luck. You can give up your ambitions, or any other meaningful pursuit, and spent every second of your life looking for that special someone and you may never find him/her. It's like one of those things that you can meet but you can't look for.

I still believe in the idea of "the one" hehe. That person that gives you the butterflies in your stomach, (initially at least,lol) and whose characteristics, in combination with ours, have the stuff that sustainability is made of.

May 6, 2005
2:58 pm
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cuthul
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After you figure yourself out solidly.

Im guessing about 75 then? šŸ˜›

May 7, 2005
4:11 pm
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Thanks Hollie!!

I guess it's a mystery to all of us - and maybe that's the point of it - what makes it all worth it when it's finally been found; the striving...the anticipation...the first flicker of sighting 'the one'...

~charlie~

May 7, 2005
6:41 pm
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Rasputin
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Cuthul:

That is sooooooo funny!!! ROFL

I am really cracking up at your response!

I only life was a bit easier, perhaps we could go to vending machine and put one bux & press a button to have an answer to who our Mr./Mrs. Right is, his/her name, description. (Just kidding)

May 7, 2005
7:09 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Good question. Science has determined that there are, developmentally speaking, several "windows of opportunity" for a person to meet "the one," and if you miss those windows, you are screwed.

For heterosexual women:

1) Two months, three days after your 22nd birthday between the hours of 4 pm and 930 pm.

2) Within 6 months of your first divorce or separation.

3) Beteen 1 year and two years after your last mestrual period.

4) In your dreams.

For Gay women:

1) Within the first five minutes of meeting a new girl.

For men:

1) Exactly one year after your honeymoon.

2) When your first wife or girlfriend is between 5 and seven months pregnant.

3) After 7 years and not before 8 years into your first marriage--usually after you have children.

4) Within the first year of getting high speed internet access.

It is important that you be aware of when your developmental window of opportunity, so that you can act quickly and decisively to secure your perfect love.

May 7, 2005
7:15 pm
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I'm kidding of course.

Why oh why did I choose a career in science and medicine instead of stand-up comedy?

May 8, 2005
12:13 am
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WD.

I really enjoyed the last part of your post about high speed internet access. Isn't that the truth?

Haha!

When the social atmosphere changes from personal friends that you actually know and have been around, to a broader, more worldwide, field. The chances of finding 'the one' increases, as do the chances of hurt. Bleh.

The internet is a scary place to meet people, but at the same time it can be the most beneficial thing there is.

-----

My parents have been married for 25 years now. They only went on 2 dates together and he asked her to marry him. Been together since.

I introduced the girl I was in love with to a friend, and now they are engaged, after only knowing eachother since october 2004. I felt a world of hurt on that one. When she told me they were engaged, my urge to do something incredibly stupid increased one-thousand-fold.

I thought I met the one last february, but then she disappeared for about 4 months. Found her again, we had a 3 month relationship and now never talk.

Sooooo.... Now I am looking for a relationship that will be satisfying emotionally, spirtually, and physically. Just to have someone to hold on to because as of late, friends are at a premium it seems. Moreso than the gas prices [3.00/gal here.]

It's tough getting myself out there, but I know I want to believe in "The One." Unsure if it exists or not, but when I am trying to find the actual difference between a friend and a girlfriend. There is a large gray area. The only distinction I've made so far is that a girlfriend you pull closer when you kiss and a friend you lose if you kiss.

Strange world. Amazing world.

Stop the hate and love.

May 8, 2005
12:16 am
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the_everglow
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That last part sounded bad.

"Stop the hate and love"

Meaning... Stop hating, but instead start loving.

Man, so much confusion could be caused.

Peace - Love - Harmony

May 8, 2005
6:50 am
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Rudie
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Worried_dad, I look forward to your posts now, they are usually quite interesting it seems, this one had me on the floor. (giggle)

and everglow, hold on to the example of your parents, if you can ( I know nothing is perfect) and trust that everything will be o.k. with you.

As I said earier I don't believe that there is a "one" but I do know that no one will be THE one if we are not ready to be "the one" to them.

So if we work on taking care of ourselves, and being the best we can be for ourselves then "the one" (whatever that means) will be attracted to us.

(((hugs all)))

Rudie

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