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Are certain friendships just meant to end?
May 31, 2005
5:41 pm
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cinden528
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I have a good friend and coworker for two and a half years. Recently I've been going through a rough time. My dog passed away and I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. My friend kept calling me every single day, multiple times. I just wanted to be left alone for awhile. I just needed my space to grieve for my dog and to deal with my ex. I asked her to understand that I just needed to be alone. She got really offended and left me a message saying the friendship was over. I feel like maybe it's better to end the friendship. She could sometimes be difficult. She was very demanding of my time and a little clingy. I don't want her to be mad at me but I feel like she should respect my wishes to be alone for awhile. What should I do? I'm not sure I want to be friends with her anymore. Should I apologize and try to patch up the friendship or just let it go?

May 31, 2005
7:07 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi cinden,

Your friend was not sensitive to your request of being left alone, I don't know why!

What you could do is perhaps call her and explain to her plainly that you were vulnerable and frail and wanted to be left alone during your grief process.

If your friend is genuine, she should forgive you and not feel offended and even apologize for her inappropriate and pestering conduct with you as soon as possible.

Love & Good luck, Rasputin

June 1, 2005
12:00 am
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Amazed
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It seems odd to me that a "good friend" who would call everyday would get offended by you just saying "I just need to be left alone for awhile". Either that friend didn't know you very well or it was said differently. I also think that a good friendship could end over this little thing. Are you sure there isn't more to this story? Is there more going on at work?

Again I take the other side for conversation sake but I wonder is a friend so bad to continually call when you are down or broken? Some might prefer the persistance of the friend when times are rough. Some friends might just give up all together and never bother to call or ask. If it was me I'd wonder if THAT kind of person was a friend.

I'm willing to bet there is more to this story. To say someone is a good friend indicates to me that they might be worth the time to talk through this and maybe help them understand your needs better.

I hate to see friendships end. They are important to our everyday survival. Without a friend you approach each day on your own, each problem as only yours and each challenge as an individual vs. a team. I believe each of us are stronger for the people we have around us and support us. It makes me sad to think that just because someone stands up to you or challenges you as a friend that it's best, when you disagree with their stance, to just walk away and replace them with another person who does conform to your needs.

I use the example often of a person introduced to drugs. Your current friend might call you daily to tell you it's a bad idea. They might call you day and night to check and see if you are getting high again. Is the friend someone that supports your decision and buys you a fix? Or is the friend one who calls and challenges you and might be strong enough to pull you away. I know I'd take the one strong one - who is willing to take a beating from me because they care more about me than just telling me what I want to hear.

Friendships at times can be hard and may require some tough honest discussions but trust me you will be rewarded in the end.

Please just give this person a call and talk about it. If after your discussion you feel it's better to walk away than do so - but don't end this because you are irritated over something as small as this!

June 1, 2005
12:19 am
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ACryForHelp
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I understand your situation.

My cat is getting old and I think he will pass soon (He's 19) and I know how devistated I will be. Also my BEST FRIEND went off to join the Army so my second Best Friend keeps calling be, sometimes upto 3 times a NIGHT!

She gets mad if I tell her that I didn't think she would call so I took a Melitonin and am passing out fast.

She has what I like to term "Poor little rich girl" syndrome.

She moved home after graduating from C.U. and has become the most shallow, meterialistic, and self centered person I have ever met!

We have been friends since Junior Year of HS so I am hesitant to break it off but I found out that she talks really bad about me behind my back. She has told a lot of people that I am just using my depression and my need for a Hip Replacement as an excuse to be lazy, not lose weight, and get a job. The fact that it hurts to walk and that the first time my current doctor saw my X-rays he literally went "HOLY SHIT! How do you even WALK???" (direct quote...)

She is the last real friend I have, well, the last Female friend I have to talk to so I am torn between telling her to stop calling or just deal with her personality problems...

Is your 'friend' worth the problems if she can flake out when you are down and out with your own problems?

It seems to me that she might be like my friend, too wrapped up in herself to have a "Real" friendship.

"Friendship" isn't a convience factor! Just because she wants to talk doesn't mean that you need to put aside your own feelings to satisfy her! You got legitimate probs that you gotta deal with before you should HAVE to deal with hers!

I do think you should at least sit her down over coffee and explain your feelings, but if she freaks again then it is HER problems that are causing the rift between you and not YOU.

At least then you can say "Hey, I freaking tried!!!" and wash your hands of the situation.

You could always try to talk to her after both of you have had time to deal.

Friends are great but you can always meet new people and you can't heal if you don't focus on the right things in a crisis!

Good luck!
P.S. sorry to sound so...um...bitter? Cynical? I'm trying to deal with that as well!

June 1, 2005
2:54 pm
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kathygy
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I choose to have healthy friends who nuture me and support me. You set some boundaries for yourself and your friend should honor those boundaries. If she can't do that I would not want to have her as a friend. Also, you said she talks about you behind your back. I would drop any friend that did that. It does not sound like a friendship that feeds you but rather one that drains you. Find healthier friends.

June 1, 2005
3:28 pm
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artist 2
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Cinden, I wouln't call her. Just let it go... if she were that good of a friend, she will apologize to you for monopolizing your time and not respecting your boundaries. Another friend will come along, I promise!

June 2, 2005
7:35 am
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peacesoul
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I agree with Amazed.
Never drop a friend unless it's truly a toxic friendship. This friend seems to want to help you during your rough time. Someone like that can't be all bad !
As far as this friend being clingy, well that is where you have to come in and set the boundries.

Also, you're going through a very rough time in life right now, don't make any hasty decisions until you're mind is clearer, then decide if this friendship is worth keeping.

I just let go of a best friend, but she is a severe addict and was very toxic to me. I tried for over a year to set boundries and work hard on the friendship, but when it got too taxing for me, I knew I had to walk away, but I made the decision with a clear mind...

Hope this helps..sorry about your Dog..I am die hard animal lover and know how TOUGH losing an animal can be. I lost 3 of my babies in a 15 months period. As far as losing the boyfriend, ahhhhhhhhh, well men are replacable, but pets are not..hahah

Good luck !

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