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anyone up this late hour?
October 16, 2006
2:35 am
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needtoheal
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great advice P&L... that is something that i have learned to do... even if i have my therapist that i can trust.. because she wont have the criticism that i receive from family

and having faith in yourself is what matters ...

and sometimes we give up on thinking that it is not there but then again we have to reflect on all that we have accomplished maybe in order to see that we can get out of the dark holes

October 16, 2006
2:36 am
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mamacinnamon
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GG: Read your post. I cannot stay right now, sorry. Would be glad to talk later or tomoorrow if you want to leave me more on the other thread.

Hey all... Please give me some prayer. My friend "B" finally told her hubby's dad about everything including what he was doing to the daughter. (not his; step). His dad told her leave and get a restraining order and he'd back her.

Long story short... she isn't dealing well at all. The older 3 (ttenagers) and fighting and they are not gnna live in a 5th wheel, etc. etc..... The 5 yr old told her he hates daddy and he wants to not be there. This is 5 of the 6 kids now telling her to leave, but the teenagers are bein,well teens.

I gotta go over. Hubby is driving me so need a little extra prayer there too.

Thanks.

October 16, 2006
2:37 am
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need2heal-

Unfortunately, I did not do it all at once. I kept my worst relationship- that with my ex- until last to break up (January this year).

Others were easier because once I stopped using and had something to work towards, these people became intolerable to be around.

My "real" friends, well, I was embarrassed for the things I did when I wasn't well... and chose to lose touch. So in a way, a lot of my loneliness is my own fault.

But I needed NA to help me stop drugs. It doesn't seem that hard in hindsight, but when I think about it, I had to go through a lot... also a day treatment program with urine tests daily for months. That makes you feel like you've invested in yourself for real.

October 16, 2006
2:38 am
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needtoheal
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hi mama... ella is reading my thread about my situation on the "2alone.. please read this"

GG hopefully went to bed..

and here i am feeling a little better but had some major backslides today and trying not to beat myself up over it...

October 16, 2006
2:38 am
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Hi mammacinnamon

October 16, 2006
2:39 am
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need-
how long since you broke up with the ex?

October 16, 2006
2:41 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hi ella. Nice to see you.

Hi needtoheal. I'm glad you are feelin a bit better. Ella is great to talk to for hope and help.

Ok, I'm out the door. I'll check in when I get back.

October 16, 2006
2:44 am
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needtoheal
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well as you can see this man never went into a recovery program .. and never worked on things other than quitting smoking big cigar blunts four times a day for ten years... it has been 4 years now but who knows.. i think he is switching to alcohol too.. one night he was at my house while i was at work and the kids were at their dad's... and i came home after 4 hours of work and he drank 10 beers....in my house.. all alone... playing play station...

he also told me when i met him at the bar that night of the funeral i went to.. that he was drunk but he was going home and had some more beer under the bed...
the lying ,, the hiding... that is an addictive style

i met someone who attends aa and they think that he is either still using although i dont think so...
or he is switching...

he is a very angry man ... very angry ....

October 16, 2006
2:47 am
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Have you been able to sustain no contact (on your half)?

October 16, 2006
2:50 am
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needtoheal
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just on this past thursday.. he showed up at my work and then that night he told me that we are not good for each other in order for us to move forward and that maybe he needs to find someone new to start over that he did not screw things up with.///and then friday i tried calling him... and he did not answer///
he text me and wrote sorry busy at work and he will call later
text him back and wrote:
I know the deal... please don't make this any worse with an animation inserted of crying

and i have not heard from him since

and i have left messages and text messages and NOTHING

and this man called me all the time./ and when we used to always tell each other that we were going to break up we would always respond and say calm down//

do u know how many times he said that to me?

many many times because i have always wanted to leave him

and he knows that i reject him

i gave back that ring for a reason

but he still held on and so did i

and that was in february 14 of this year that he gave me the ring

October 16, 2006
2:52 am
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You can't help that he came to your job, but when he told you he thought you shouldn't see each other, why did you call him after that? Didn't you break up with him? (Yeah, I know, we all do it, I'm just asking you for your story)

October 16, 2006
2:55 am
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It is best you don't keep in touch with him. This is the violent type, no? Keep your distance...

October 16, 2006
2:56 am
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needtoheal
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NO and i am frustrated with that...

he is lonely too..

after he stopped using he did not hang around any of those friends

it was like he said he chose me

and even this year a guy who he only would see when he would bowl

who is a crack addict

well even the crack addict had enough of his games and put-downs

and left bowling even though my b/f still wanted to give him rides there
after once telling him that he was not going to bowl with him anymore

so now he does not have contact with him

and now he has these friends (the dj and his wife) and every time now they enable him to abuse alcohol

and he knows that is not my scene

yeah i would not mind to go out and i do drink sometimes but he knows that i dont care for these people at all

October 16, 2006
2:57 am
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Needtoheal,

I hope you can day by day, begin to practice NO CONTACT from this man. It's hard. It sometimes takes a few false starts before we get it right. But you need to try if he is that volatile. I am worried about you.

October 16, 2006
2:59 am
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I advise you to go to either alanon or aa or both. 12 steps helped me. I no longer go, but when I need to, I know it is there... maybe next time I will stay involved. Those organizations are good, and you can meet healthy friends there.

October 16, 2006
3:00 am
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He will not change. Not fast enough to avoid hurting you. I'm sorry, but so many people have been through that... if you can get out, get out.

You don't want to find out how bad this can get.

October 16, 2006
3:02 am
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needtoheal
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i know... we have sent mixed messages many times

why did i call? i don't know ... habit

that is why i did not go to the bar last night after work because i did drive by his house and said to myself
not to get upset

but i went home because i did not
want a confrontation

that is why i am so screwed up

he is no good for me
and i have kept him away from the kids

and yet i think my probem is

that i wanted to always fix him

doesn't it seem that he is switching

does it sound like you that he either
has someone else
or he is using alcohol again

what do you think?

violent type? well, other than throwing my best friend's cd that he made out the window,

and he threatened me to shut up or he would punch me in my face in a crowd of people

and he did push me back when i pushed him to calm him down

October 16, 2006
3:02 am
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Sweetie, I'm not feeling well and am in some pain. I need to go lay down. My eyes hurt too.

Will you be okay?

October 16, 2006
3:03 am
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I thought I read that he was violent in your other post, am I confusing your exes?

October 16, 2006
3:06 am
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There is no way for me to tell what or if he is hiding anything. HOnestly, I couldn't tell with my own bf. I know it is hard, but try not to concern yourself with what he is doing. Concern yourself with what is good for you right now.

October 16, 2006
3:06 am
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needtoheal
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i am fine thanks for listening...

yeah i know my therapist said this can get worse

when you get a chance could you contact me again,.. do a check up

and i will try not to call leave any messages or text for him

my therapist wonders why i do those things
but i will have to be honest and tell her tomorrow

thank you so much

you have a lot to offer

and maybe you can help me with understanding that he is an addict

i went to one al anon meeting

will try to go again

thanks ella for all your time

and hope you feel better

October 16, 2006
3:09 am
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I will look for you need2heal... you can alert my attention to your thread (or anyone elses') by putting your name in it.

October 16, 2006
3:09 am
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needtoheal
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yeah i know....

i have to focus on myself...

and the kids..

you are right.. he is an angry man and he also did break his sister's collarbone

and some other violent things too but that was before i met him

sorry if for straining your eyes, sweetie

thank you

October 16, 2006
3:09 am
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Good night,

be well,
-ella

October 16, 2006
3:10 am
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100sp_Permalink sp_Print

ps.. yes, I did remember correctly... please STAY away from him!!! Talk to you soon.

bye now.

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