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anyone up this late hour?
October 16, 2006
1:51 am
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ggfred4
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that was embarrassing to tell you both.

October 16, 2006
1:51 am
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needtoheal
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THAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH ME TOO...ESPECIALLY WHEN MY KIDS GO WITH THEIR DAD ON THE WEEKEND... NO PHONE CALLS, E-MAILS, ETC.. THAT IS BECAUSE I HAD A B/F THAT WAS MY CRUTCH DURING MY SEPARATION AND PROCESS OF DIVORCE AND HE OCCUPIED MY TIME WHEN THE KIDS WERE NOT HERE AND NOW HES GONE....

October 16, 2006
1:52 am
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ggfred4
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not really alone, husband asleep and kids have moved out; another issue. My baby girl just moved out in Aug. for college.

October 16, 2006
1:52 am
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GG!!

Have you gotten help for the cutting?? I used to do that too. It's really the depths of despair.

October 16, 2006
1:53 am
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ggfred4
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no help, wouldn't want anyone in the real world to know.

October 16, 2006
1:53 am
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Don't be embarrassed. We here have heard or done it all. We are here to listen.

October 16, 2006
1:53 am
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ggfred4
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i haven't done it since this summer, but on some nights, the urge reappears.

October 16, 2006
1:55 am
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Well, at least you are on this site. But counseling is confidential. You can talk about what you did in the past, talk about what you feel like doing, but I don't know... if you tell them you are currently harming yourself they may be required to get you some medical help. And you should.

October 16, 2006
1:56 am
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ggfred4
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I gave up on counseling...but I really am doing better, I think, just have a small backslide I guess

October 16, 2006
1:56 am
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needtoheal
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PLEASE DON'T FEEL EMBARRASSED... I USED TO HABITUALLY PULL MY HAIR.. WHEN I WAS GOING THROUGH A SEPARATION WHEN MY EX-HUSBAND LEFT I PULLED OUT SO MUCH HAIR THAT I HAD A BALD SPOT....

October 16, 2006
1:58 am
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ggfred4
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I don't think I was going to do it, but could feel the feelings and knew i just needed to talk to someone. Began panicking (starting to be a big problem with me) when no one was around, but feel better since both of you answered.

October 16, 2006
1:58 am
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I know those urges, and I haven't done it in years. But please get help. Once you start talking, you may not feel quite so much like cutting.

October 16, 2006
1:58 am
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needtoheal
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YEAH AND THAT IS NORMAL GG.. WE ALL HAVE BACKSLIDES... I HAD A BACKSLIDE TODAY,, TRYING NO CONTACT WITH EX-BF AND I STILL LEFT MESSAGES FOR HIM LAST NIGHT AND TODAY.. HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE THURSDAY

October 16, 2006
1:59 am
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ggfred4
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why did you do it ella?

October 16, 2006
2:00 am
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need to heal, do you have a thread I can read your story on?

October 16, 2006
2:00 am
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ggfred4
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need, hate these backslides, makes you question what and if you have accomplished anything> Then that makes you feel depressed, the cycle continues...

October 16, 2006
2:00 am
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needtoheal
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AND I AM GLAD THAT I AM HERE AND THAT WE HAVE ELLA TOO

October 16, 2006
2:00 am
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Cutting? I had a lot of reasons...

October 16, 2006
2:02 am
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one is that I get depressed because I am bipolar- which translates basically into just depressed or angry if you are me. No euphoria. When I was younger, I was very introverted and repressed. I never expressed my anger in the "normal" way. Eventually, I took it out on myself in an extreme way when I was angry or depressed.

October 16, 2006
2:02 am
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ggfred4
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I figured that I did it for two main reasons: either to release pain and/or punish myself. When I felt rejected by two friends, I punished myself twice as much, a 2 for 1 deal...sick,sick, sick...Only when the scars were staying, I knew I wanted to stop.

October 16, 2006
2:04 am
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ggfred4
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as we are opening up here, I think I know what my problem is tonight and would like to tell you guys

October 16, 2006
2:04 am
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needtoheal
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ELLA... MY SITUATION IS ON THE THREAD "2ALONE..PLEASE READ THIS.."

GG... I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL AND I FELT THAT WAY TOO... WOW... SAME FEELINGS AS YOU TODAY...
I WAS STARTING TO PANIC TOO//
I DID CALL MY MOTHER BUT SOMETIMES I THINK SHE JUST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND... SHE OFTEN THINKS THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO WIPE THINGS OUT OF MY HEAD.. THOUGHT SHE WOULD KNOW THAT I CAN GET LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS FEELING THE SAME WAY WHILE WHEN I GOT SEPARATED FROM MY HUSBAND... THEN NOW I THINK SHE IS ANNOYED BECAUSE FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS I ALLOWED SOMEONE TO HURT ME AGAIN

October 16, 2006
2:06 am
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ggfred4
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she probably isn't annoyed need, she probably wants so much for you and is upset that it is not happening and she feels that she can't do anything about it...just a thought

October 16, 2006
2:06 am
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Go ahead gg...

I will read nth's thread while waiting

October 16, 2006
2:07 am
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needtoheal
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WELL THAT IS WHY I THINK I HAD PULLED MY HAIR WITH THE FIRST SITUATON.. WITH THIS PROBLEM RIGHT NOW I DID HAVE THAT URGE BUT I STOPPED... BUT THEN I ALSO GET SO DEPRESSED..
I HAVE BEEN VERY WEEPY.. NOT AROUND THE KIDS BUT I KNOW THAT THEY CAN SENSE IT...

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