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anyone see dateline last night?
February 21, 2007
8:53 am
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risingfromtheashes
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They did the catch a predator thing again.

And while I was watching it, my stomach started knotting up.

These guys were all saying "it was online, it was fantasy talk, I would never follow thru with it".

But yet, the showed up at the "kids" house.

And then they said that even tho they showed up, they still don't think they would have followed thru, they had never done such a thing before, they were really very shy....the excuses rambled on.

And the part that made me SICK SICK SICK was that I could EASILY see my ex-bf saying those things.

Not as a child predator...but as someone who is caught red handed doing other things (like cheating on me)...and had a million and one reasons why "it doesn't look like you think it does".

Where the hell is accountability? responsibility? sense of right and wrong? values?

I am glad I am not with my ex....he plays on the internet alot...has many online relationships....has many aliases...has many email accounts....and who knows what he is truly up to.

But since I know he cheated on me twice...and both times tried to tell me it wasn't what it looked like....it made me sick watching that show. And scared that I had even dated someone like that...and was willing to marry him.

My higher power was with me when he led me away from him. I am thankful. He is as sick as the other perverts on tv.

February 21, 2007
8:58 am
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bevdee
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Rising-

"Where the hell is accountability? responsibility? sense of right and wrong? values?"

I know one of these predators- real well(thank goodness not intimately) and as far as I can tell, there is NO sense of right or wrong. He lied every time he was caught redhanded.

I watch that Dateline and I can't believe how infantile those men are, themselves. They childishly lie, and even cry. Amazing. I think they must be insane to have such a warped sense of reality.

February 21, 2007
10:25 am
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Zinnie
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I did not see the episode last night, but had seen the one last week.

Let me say - the town that this segment was filmed in is a neighboring town.

I have more to say on the subject (I KNOW... imagine that...) but, I am pressed for time. I will post more on this later.

Z.

February 21, 2007
12:25 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Rising,

First, I will say about those Dateline shows....I can't even watch them. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I watched the first couple of shows but I just feel enough is enough. WE GET IT! I just can't watch it anymore.

As far as accountability is concerned..... Obviously you all know that is an issue between Snow and I. And reading this site shows it seems to be an issue with A LOT of people. 99% of the women on here complain about the same thing. As do the ones in my "real" life. Not to say there are not women like that out there as well...but for some reason it seems to be disproportionately an issue with men.

Why is that?

I wonder if it has to do with EMOTIONS and the fact that men are socialized to NOT DEAL with emotions of any sort....with the exception of their own anger of course.

Taking responsibility and accountiblity for ones own actions usually means dealing with the consequences of those actions., Those consequences generally being dealing with OTHER PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS....whether it be anger, hurt, crying, yelling, disappointment, frustration, etc.

"Accepting responsibilty", as least in my experiences, is generally not a POSTIVE thing. It is invaribly negative.

And without being properly socialized to deal with these emotions...instead they choose to avoid them.

Just some random thoughts here....

Comments?

February 21, 2007
12:52 pm
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student1
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25% of people do not have a
conscious (spelling?). That's a fact I learned in school. That is a scary number, thinking of how quickly the population growth is climbing and more people are coming into this world with out the ability to judge right from wrong.

February 21, 2007
1:14 pm
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gracenotes
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I just don't watch those Dateline shows anymore. It really bothers me that so much attention is given to these sick individuals on primetime television. Obviously there is a public fascination with this realm. Either many people have had experiences with sociopaths or n's and are trying to figure it out, or they have no knowledge of the lack of self, a conscience, whatever with these individuals and are trying to make sense of people who don't even approach life like any normal person. With all this preoccupation on television, its no wonder the news is filled with murder after murder. It something in instructional and has some other value besides sensationalism fine, but, otherwise, why watch it. Most of us here knows about n's and sociopaths anyway.

I occasionally turn on the TV at 10:00 PM, occasionally other times, and some nights it is impossible to not find a show that is not about predators, violence, or murder, or who killed who.

What we put our attention on increases our preoccupations with it. I'd rather watch something like Men in Trees or Grey's Anatomy, even Wife Swap was kind of interesting this week.

But, these kinds of shows like Dateline really bother me. I really like to spend my free time, the little I have, absorbing my mind with something positive or fun.

February 21, 2007
1:54 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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grace,

I didn't need to watch the whole thing, nor have I watched all of the episodes.

But, I did watch some of one episode.

And mostly, what I get out of it is that none of us are really all that safe, are we?

And I think it really drives home the whole idea that online "relationships" aren't really all they seem.

I know that my ex has had a false online profile...who KNOWS what kind of crap he pulled with it. I only know SOME of the sick stuff he did.

WHY?????????

I think dateline educates on some level - and if you watch it with your daughters for a few minutes, you can show them WHY they shouldn't be talking to people they don't know.

One of the things that struck me was how many men said that if given the chance, they didn't think they would actually follow thru. That they may bow out in embarrassment or something....one said it was all fantasy and role playing and none of it was real. Another guy said he was too shy to really follow thru.

I wonder how many would have?

But in the end...any man (or woman) that shares pornography or talks sexually explicitly with a CHILD, and says there is nothing wrong with it has a SCREW LOOSE.

Maybe they would not have slept with the "kid"....BUT, the explicit stuff they did share with them online is FAR from harmless.

And yet, many of them believe it is harmless.

My ex always thought his online stuff was harmless (not with children).....they just don't get it, do they?

When I was growing up, I used to hear "boys will be boys...this is what boys do"....do you think that has anything to do with it? That society has low expectations on the morality of men? I mean, many people will say "all men do it" when you talk about going to a prostitute...and a guy is a stud if he sleeps with many women, but a woman is a slut if she does the same.

So, I wonder if this has more to do with the expectations of men's morality or if it has more to do with accountability.

I can't tell you how sick I was hearing the excuses and lies these guys were telling....cuz I heard stuff just like it coming from my exes mouth. It just hit close to home.

February 21, 2007
2:04 pm
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bevdee
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One thing that I noticed about this predator that I knew (a former roommate's husband) was that hhe cried every frickin time he was caught in a lie. He would slide to the floor and his shoulders would shake dramatically. Puss. I asked his wife how he ever got by in the army for 10 years -being such a squallbag. She turned to me and said, "oh he didn't do this in the army, he does it so we will feel sorry for him"

Once, when tears welled up in his eyes, we both said in unison, "stop that crying"

He would get caught in front of the webcam, and always in the scene that ensued, he would cry and tell her she didn't understand what a strain it was to live with her. In regular daily arguments(having nothing to do with creepy kid-porn stuff, it was always her fault. That no matter what he ever did, it would never be good enough for her. She screamed and threw things, Lolli. I wanted to many, many times.

I asked him once why, if she was so difficult, that he didn't just leave. He said "because I love her"
and sniffed pitifully.

But everthing was her fault. It made me sick.

He is in prison after 2 denied appeals and still maintains his innocence. Also - it is her fault because she didn't try hard enough, get the right lawyers, didn't spend enough money, and he tells her through the jailhouse glass that she doesn't love him.

February 21, 2007
2:12 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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that's sad...and again, the sick part is, my ex did the same thing.

not with kiddie porn...but with being caught in a lie.

hell, he used to look at me and cry and SWEAR on his father's grave he was telling the truth.

OMG...it's amazing how easily they can fake it...he even had my therapist convinced the tears were real.

but in the end, it was all my fault, cuz I was the psycho ex that pushed him to do all the things he did.

He also used to use the guilt trip "I dont' know why you are with me...I'm not good enough for you"....and of course, codependent me would be like "oh honey, you are PERFECT for me"....it makes me sick.

February 21, 2007
2:13 pm
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student1
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When I was 14 I was manipulated by a preditor. He made me feel sorry for him. He told me that his sister had been raped and murdered and left in the San J. River and her birthday was coming up and he didn't want to be alone. That's how he suckered me in. I get so angry when I think about it. Anyway, he would cry and cry uncontrolably and pathetic like. Maybe, that's a sign.

February 21, 2007
2:14 pm
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bevdee
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Miss Rising
You said ""I dont' know why you are with me...I'm not good enough for you"...."

Down here in the south, we call that fishin for compliments!!

Should we start a liar's thread?

February 21, 2007
4:38 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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I think it's already started...the charmer/abuser thread...lol.

February 21, 2007
4:50 pm
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bevdee
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student1

I am really sorry that that happened to you.

I had a similar expreience, but there were no tears.

(((student1)))

February 21, 2007
5:22 pm
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nappy
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Some of these mens will do anything that they could just to have sex with a child, and then when they get caught, yes they are going to lie. What other excuses does they have when only they should just tell the truth and say what they were really coming to the house for. They have it on the online chat web and telling them exactly what they have said.

They should of kept sex behind closed doors but since it has been let out they can't put it back in again. Even mens that say they don't like homosexual but behind closed door, they would do it in a heart beat and look at there wives and not tell her a thing. Then she wondering why she have aids.

Sex was suppose to be a beautiful things between a man and an woman but now, they are making sex very dirty and that is all that it is just sex

February 21, 2007
5:39 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Sex between two loving consenting adults is a beautiful thing. there is nothing warmer or richer. but these perversion i keep hearing about ...like with children. make me want to throw up.

February 21, 2007
8:46 pm
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taj64
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Rising, it is not you, it is definately him. I still hear you blaming yourself. Your ex is not worth your time and also you still getting wrapped up with him and his ways of holding you by this my space crap. And you are worth every cent of 100% devotion from a man. Not all these men that partially devote their time. It will happen. Don't focus on this man who may not be a child predator but he definately is absolutely no good for you. Right now you don't have a special man in your life, so naturally it would be entising to go there again in some non concrete way but don't. You've come too far to go so low. The shit head doesn't deserve you, nor did he ever.

February 22, 2007
8:45 am
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risingfromtheashes
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taj.

Yeah, I thought about that yesterday.

this all started when my friend said she was going to check out what he was up to and found that he had a fake myspace profile that he was using to harrass me and also carry on with other women. The profile was a bisexual woman's profile...which made it even worse.

Anyway, I realized that I was getting sucked in.

And dug down deep to find my willpower to put him back out of my life.

Like a disease...he has infected my life again.

I know I need to get away from it again....and told my friend that she needs to stay away too, or at least keep me out of it.

At the time she was looking it up, neither she nor I thought it would hurt....it's been a while, ya know? But now I see that no matter how long it is...it's going to do damage.

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