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anyone out there feel like this??
April 11, 2001
10:20 am
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Hi everyone,

I really don't know what is wrong with me or if this is just life and I should just deal. I am an extremely emotional person with a big heart. I try always to help people and to be the best friend I can be. The problem is, I get nothing back. I'm 34 and I guess I sorta feel like "why bother" , it seems the more I try to make real, caring friends, the more I end up with nothing. I feel like if I don't make a "connection" with people, then there really isn't any point in having any kind of relationship with them. I either meet friends who have a ton of other friends and really don't have the time, or I meet younger friends who are on a completely different wavelength. I have a great husband and a boy almost 2, and I feel so selfish for wanting more. Sometimes I just need a woman's point of view..you know, from one woman to another sorta thing. I find myself wanting to withdraw from everything and everyone because I just feel more comfortable that way. This is also affecting my relationships with family. (eg: mother in law, etc.) Should they say one thing wrong, and I feel threatened and don't want to be around them anymore. I find the older I get, the more I would rather be by myself then with people. I am definetly not a "people person" and I know that sounds horrible, but I am tired of fighting it, yet I feel so alone sometimes. How do I balance this out??
Does anyone feel the way I do???

April 11, 2001
12:10 pm
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eve
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yep, I think I know what you're talking about. I guess the trick is not to expect too much from those "other" relationships outside the family. I only have very few real good friend. Whith time I found out, that I can have a good time whith others, too. I only have to find out what I like to do whith them. E.g. I have one friend - I regularly exchange the books I buy whith her and we occationally spend an evening out. Another one is perfect for the occational jogging or weekend hike. And so on. Most of these casual friends would most likely be quite suprised if I started to talk serious problems whith them. And e.g. my book friend would never ever consider jogging as an option. But our time together is easy and relaxing and does me good.
So I'd suggest: look for casual aquaintancies first, it will take some of the pressure from you. And over time some of it might develop to a 'best friends' relationship. And: time out for yourself on your own is perfectly ok. I need this quite frequently, and can get pretty nasty when I miss it for some time (but then: I have it easy, I'm not a mother - do mothers ever get a time out?).
And if you have friends who don't give you anything: quit it, if it's not worth the effort. And read up on this site on codependency.

Good luck!
Eve

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