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Anyone on for a talk??
November 7, 2004
7:20 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi Guys!

I'm really glad Eternal that you can help Bub through this and vice versa! Since you are both going through the same thing, it really helps when someone understands like that! Besides, you two are pretty special! And you can and will get through this

Hugs,

Sunny

November 7, 2004
7:46 pm
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bubishi76
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Hey Sunny,
Should I Count this call as a really good thing. I mean, It ended quick like the last ones because she had to meet the group for dinner, But she said she might call again tonite. Well, I asked if she would and she said yep, maybe.

November 7, 2004
8:17 pm
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Anonymous
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I certainly would! It's the effort she put into calling right? She did call, even though it was short!

November 7, 2004
8:22 pm
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CAMER
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remember Bub, its not the quanity of the call, its the quality of the call, even though she called for a minute or two, she took the time to do this, and for what??? for you!!!

And maybe she will call later, and maybe she won't and yes i hate the maybes cuz they are not definite. I would just look at this as a positive thing, cuz she is still calling you and keeping the communications lines open....just remember to give her space, and all will work out well.

November 7, 2004
8:27 pm
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eternaloptimist
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Hi Bubishi!

Asking her to commit to calling again is part of her frustration right now. She is making the call because it's what you want. If you can find a way to not ask when you might hear from her again, do it. I was as miserable as you are about a month ago. No matter what people advised me, I felt that how I was approaching her was the best way. I soon found out that I was wrong.

When I give you things to do that might help, I want to clarify that doing these things will help the relationship from her side of things. I still have alot of pain in my heart, and I still hope she will come over or call and say "I'm so sorry for the way I've been treating you. Please forgive me and let's get our relationship back to the way it was."

I still struggle with that in my mind. What I can tell you though is by remaining strong and not bothering her or questioning her about anything, She has started to come around a little bit. It's like we (you and I) know what we want and expect, and when we don't get it, we work that much harder to get it. I am quickly finding out that by backing off from my wife, she is now approaching me. It's hard to do, but I think we will eventually get to a point where we have mutual respect for each other again.

She moved out this weekend, and I actually helped! I wanted to show her I am respecting her decision to leave for a while. The funny thing is, she came over today after work to pick up a few more things, and I didn't act sad, mad, or anything. I just said hi and went about my business. She asked if I still cared about her. I told her she would never know how much, and I left it at that. She asked me to eat dinner with her mom & dad. I went over for dinner, then told everybody thanks and said I needed to get back home. You see, I decided that by playing to her "rules" with this space thing, I will be lonely, but in the long run, we might get back together some day. I am trying to soak all this up and learn from what I have done to cause this, and what she has done to me through this. I will come out of this a better man.

Try and think of your situation that way. It will help you cope better. Sorry I get so long winded with these post's. I am just trying really hard to make you see...things will work out. It's just going to take some time. I don't know how much time.

Eternal

November 7, 2004
9:21 pm
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bubishi76
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Thanks everyone,
You all are right. Sunny, Camer, you two help me to keep perspective. I will not call her. I will allow her to come to me. So she knows I can love her the way she wants and needs. I have learned through all of this that I have taken her for granted somewhat. She always came home and I always knew she would. This last time she didn't and it really made me think that I was putting alot of stress on her at times. I should have been alot more sensitive to her needs. Eternal, You seems like a pillar of strength helping her to move and all. That would tear me apart inside. I don't know how I could handle that and hope that I don't have to.

November 8, 2004
7:54 am
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eternaloptimist
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The point I tried to make was this...even if she is separating from me, I am showing her I am still there for her. Had I told her to piss off and move herself, wouldn't that show I'm just a loser for being so selfish? I hope by showing my support in what is important to her right now, she will understand that I am just trying to help make things better.

Believe me, I don't like it that she has moved, but maybe she will start to realize now that the grass will not be greener on the other side. It will finally give her a chance to truely miss me.

She called me at 9:30 last night just to see how I was. I didn't prompt that call. She made it because she does care. Deb will do the same if you stick to your guns. She probably has a group of people supporting her right now. That will not last long. She will realize how much you really mean to her and start coming back to you asking for reassurance.

Eternal

November 8, 2004
11:25 am
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bubishi76
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Hey all,
Just wanted to drop in for a chat. I'm kinda bummed today. SHe didn't call last night but at least I got to hear from her yesterday afternoon. God I miss her. I sooooo hope that after this conference on tuesday she will come home. I've been sleeping with a shirt of hers and it's starting to loose it's smell. That bums me out. I don't know if I have the strength to go on much more without her. I'm getting tapped out.

November 8, 2004
11:58 am
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CAMER
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Bubishi, today is a new day, and you will make it, she did call you yesterday....just like I said about the "maybe" it could be a yes or a no.....Tuesday will be here soon enough, and who knows, she could call you today...Just focus on the good things about this Bub, she has "willingly" called you, that was her choice, and she does it when she can...let her be, and soon enough you will here from her. My prayers are with you....(((camer)))

November 8, 2004
12:05 pm
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bubishi76
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Camer,
Thank you for the strength and support. I'm trying my best to make it through the day. My heart is yearning for her bad today. I know that she hasn't been feeling well and part of loving her the way SHE needs is to accept that if work went late, then she probably crashed. No unnecessary stress. I just hope that she is loving me today, maybe more then the past few days when she didn't like me so much. Baby steps, right??? Oh, my heart is a little heavy today.

November 8, 2004
1:51 pm
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sewunique
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Bubishi, keep hanging in there!

You've been doing pretty good not calling her, etc. Right?

Have you thought about what positive things you have been doing in this whirlwind process right now? Like, you haven't been calling her constantly. That is in itself a positive, even tho' you're aching to have her in your arms.

You said earlier that you are trying to give her some space. Well, that's number 2 positive.

Cmon, be good to yourself, you are hanging in here!

Question for you: if she called in the afternoon, but not in the evening, isn't that pretty reasonable?

Soon her convention, or trip wil come to an end, so you do have a timeline in this, so to speak. Another positive.

I know it's hard, every hour and minute goes by too slowly. But, you ARE going to get thru this, you are strong and caring.

Have faith, still here for you.........(((hugs)))
Sew

PS I am here reading these posts over and over all day; I am not spending my day wisely. I have many things to do that if I do not take care of, will bite me in the backside soon. That's my self talk for me.

Now to get going on it...arrrgggh!

November 8, 2004
1:55 pm
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mamacinnamon
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hey all, we still chattin?

November 8, 2004
2:12 pm
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bubishi76
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Hey Sew,
Thanks for the encouraging words. I just wish I knew for sure that she as definitely coming home at the end of this trip. I mean, I hope. Yes, getting ANY call is reasonable. I guess that goes to my own expectations. ME, I call right before bed. The last thing just to say goodnight regardless of whether or not I called any other time. BUT, that's just me I'm trying to stay in a positive mood.

November 8, 2004
2:15 pm
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sewunique
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Hey mamacinnomon

I am here, tho I shouldn't be.
Should be doing other things, but my butt is dragging today.

How are you doing? i don't see you post often, so you must get ther things done, or post I miss yor posts?

what's going on in your world today?

Sew

November 8, 2004
2:16 pm
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CAMER
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hi Bubushi, been a few hours since i posted, wondering if youre doing ok....time will go by, just think good thoughts and guess what 2morrow is already Tuesday!! keep your thoughts positive and keep venting if it helps. ((my thought and prayers are with you)))

November 8, 2004
2:49 pm
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bubishi76
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Camer,
It's hard. The unknown is so hard for me on this. I just want the day to be done so I can sit and reflect. I hope she calls tonight. Oh, Camer I hope this isn't all for naught. I hope this space is helping and not making her forget.

November 8, 2004
3:02 pm
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LEILEI
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Hey b - you there?

November 8, 2004
3:11 pm
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bubishi76
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LEILEI,
Are ya still on?

November 8, 2004
3:45 pm
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CAMER
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Bub, keep remembering this and repeating this "she willingly called YOU!!!" if she didn't care why would she even bother??? think about it!!
its all good, and I truely beleive things will work out in your favor, just be patient, as patient as you can, you have come this far and 2morrow is already Tuesday, now give me a smile, ok!!!

November 8, 2004
4:15 pm
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bubishi76
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;o)
Camer,
I needed that. I am hurting right now and just want to scream. Plus, my stomach is just hurting today as well. I can't help but sit with the anxiety of whether or not she will call tonight and whether or not she will come home on tues.night/ wednesday. She did talk to me, willingly. Camer, do you think that she is thinking of us? DO you think that over the past 13 days, that she's thought of us at all?

November 8, 2004
5:07 pm
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CAMER
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of course she has...cuz she called YOU!!! trust me if she didn't want anything to do with you, why would she bother calling you??? Bubishi, you have to believe in yourself more and believe you are worthy of her love. Just be patient....and gimme another smile ok!!!!

November 8, 2004
5:33 pm
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bubishi76
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;o)
Thanks Camer. You're right. What about all the days she didn't call?? I'm going to trust in you Camer. As a girl, you should know these things. She called ME!!! Hope she calls again. I guess it would be easier had we not been gong through this. Maybe, that's why she did this, to put things in perspective for me.THat just because she doesn't call doesn't mean she isn't thinking of me. I hope they're good thoughts. Still feeling a little in the dumps though.

November 8, 2004
8:10 pm
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CAMER
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"What about all the days she didn't call?"....maybe the days she didnt call was just to get caught up in life on what she wants, maybe a lil' space, its only maybe a day that she didn't call you, and really one day is not bad!...plus it give time for you to "give her the needed space"...she didn't let too much time pass in between calls, so therefore I would think she still has feelings for you. How does she know that you would not UP and LEAVE HER??? maybe she just wanted a lil' space, but not too much talk time apart either. This is all a good thing Bubushi, and in 24 hours Tues. nite will be here, and hopefully you will be with her or at least have talked with her about the relationship. Keep smiling 🙂 and believe in yourself!!!!

November 8, 2004
8:39 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey Bub,

Not to throw ice water on the parade of happiness... but, you are still not learning to LIVE.

Now, you are giving her the space she wanted, and you are not obsessively calling her, which I'm glad to hear, but you are still sitting there waiting for that phone to ring.

I know you love this girl, even a blind man could see that - but, again, you have got to have your own life, and some part of that life has to be yours exclusively. Just as Deb is wanting space, so should you have space. We all need space - whether we realize it or not.

So again, I encourage you to get back into a hobby or something just for you. In doing that, you will only promote more healthiness in the relationship.

Z.

November 8, 2004
9:55 pm
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bubishi76
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Z,
I'm workin on that but you see, I HAVE all the space I need. That's the problem. ANY more space will probably kill me. Sometimes I think that when I make progress on this I'm still falling a bit behind.

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