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Anyone on for a talk??
November 2, 2004
9:52 pm
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bubishi76
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November 2, 2004
10:00 pm
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CAMER
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hi Bub & Lisset...I am here to if you need to chat....hey Bub, hope you are doing ok!!!

November 2, 2004
10:01 pm
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bubishi76
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Hey All,
I guess it would depend on your definition of OK camer. I'm breathing if that counts.

November 2, 2004
10:03 pm
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CAMER
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whats up Bub??? any bad feelings going on in your head??? try to take deep breaths they do help and know you have so much support on this site too, and you are not alone!!! keep venting, I am here..

November 2, 2004
10:05 pm
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bubishi76
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Well,
I'm giving my gal space so she can figure all this stuff out (don't know if you've read any of the other posts) I've been having trouble sleeping and have been taking stuff to sleep. Today, I slept most of the day. I've had brief spurts on doing stuff around the house. I miss her.

November 2, 2004
10:09 pm
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FoolMeThrice
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Ugh

I know how hard that is. Hang in there!

November 2, 2004
10:09 pm
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CAMER
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yes, Bubishi, i have been reading your posts, and I know you are giving her space..that is good...what type of stuff do you take to sleep, something like Nyquil?? did you go to work today???
And yes, I know you miss her, and 2morrow is another day, maybe something new or different will happen, just be patient with yourself and hold onto yourself and know that things will be ok....keep venting....

November 2, 2004
10:12 pm
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bubishi76
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Xanax to sleep. Have a 10 day supply from the doc. Didn't work today. Couldn't do it. I have to go tommorrow though. Then I will be off till sunday.

November 2, 2004
10:14 pm
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CAMER
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bub, just read your post...are you drinking too to help you sleep,,,,cuz if you are, thats probably making you in a worse mood..remember alcohol is a depressant.

nitey nite....Lisset (camer))

November 2, 2004
10:15 pm
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bubishi76
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My urge to call gets almost unbearable. I miss her. Do you think she's missing me tonight??

November 2, 2004
10:17 pm
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bubishi76
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The alcohol was to numb the heartache. I never really drink which is bad. I don't want to turn into an alcoholic.

November 2, 2004
10:19 pm
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CAMER
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you know Bub, she probably is missing you...cuz I used to "not" call my bf, just to have the "control" factor, but deep down I was sad...and I knew I couldn't talk to them just to get a grip on my feelings....Bub, she may be feeling the same way that you are....I mean, you both were an item in the past, and love just doesn't go away in a day.

November 2, 2004
10:24 pm
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bubishi76
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I know,
I saw her today for a few minutes. She was coming back from one of her schools and going to her office. She stopped in to use the bathroom.(She hates public bathrooms) As she left, I told her that I love her and she looked at me in a somewhat reassuring face said I know. She wasn't like mean I hate you like she would be if it was over. I guess I should find solace in that.

November 2, 2004
10:25 pm
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bubishi76
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Camer, How are you today? Did your day go well. I mean are you here today jsut to listen to people or did you have a crappy day?

November 2, 2004
10:33 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey Lisset,

You wrote: "am on, but am scare sunnygurl is gonna get mad. and am questioning what makes a good chat and what is too much chat on here."

What do you mean?

Bub...

You are still letting this control you. Have you done anything at all to try to shift your focus?

Z.

November 2, 2004
10:34 pm
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CAMER
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Hi Bub: at least you got to tell her that you love her as she was passing by.....it sucks, cuz this space thing will just take time...beleive in yourself, and know that things will work out the way that they should.

I am doing ok today...I've had so many coda relations in my life its nuts!!! I did stay alone for 1 year and 7 months to gain control of me and my life, and now its just dating.
I am feeling kinda weird about dating cuz I was alone for so long and I enjoy my peace...and now with dating...it takes up some of my tiem..Its not that I don't like it, its just that I want balance and not fall back into having the man as my whole world and life and basically having no life.

November 2, 2004
10:35 pm
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bubishi76
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Z,
Sure am trying. However, I don't want to feel like I just gave up. I mean, I'm not calling or pressing or anything. However, that takes all my energy. It may be bad, i know. I jsut can't go out and be happy with all this going on. I don't know how anyone could.

November 2, 2004
10:40 pm
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CAMER
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ok Bub: name just a few things that make you happy, in the state of mind that you are in... maybe going for a walk??? how about watching a good movie?? or reading, or cleaning or just making a list of all your good traits...there has to be something that you can focus on about YOU that can make you happy.

November 2, 2004
10:41 pm
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bubishi76
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You know what,
I get confused about this not have person as my life thing. Maybe it was that I was raised by my grandparents. They were in it all for each other. I mean, they did stuff together when they weren't at work. I guess, my whole idea of relationships is a little off. I mean, you get in them for companionship and then what happens. Not sure I'm making sense.

November 2, 2004
10:47 pm
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bubishi76
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Maybe I feel guilty trying to be happy. I shouldn't be trying to be happy in a time like this. My girl is hurting, evidently because of me, and my world as I know it is all screwed up. My future POSSIBLY could be all screwed up. why should I try to be happy.
I'm watching "She's a Lady" on TV. It's made me laugh a couple of times.

November 2, 2004
10:47 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey Bub,

I don't mean you have to go out and dance on tables, but perhaps DO something tht will take your mind off of all of this if even for a small bit of time.

Have you thought about a pet? Have you thought about a book you want to read? Or getting back into martial arts?

November 2, 2004
10:49 pm
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bubishi76
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You know,
I've been trying to do my class work. Usually, learning really excites me but I can't keep focus.

November 2, 2004
10:54 pm
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Zinnie
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O.K. - ponder this...

What did you do for fun BEFORE you met her?

November 2, 2004
10:58 pm
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bubishi76
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Well,
I had some friends that are no longer around. You know, loneliness is easier to handle when you're not so lonely. Also, finding fun is easier when you're not hurting. I use to watch alot of movies. I've really been a loner (few friends) for most of my life.

November 2, 2004
10:59 pm
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CAMER
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exactly!! zinnie said it....cuz bub you did have a life b4 you met her..... and yes I am sure your grandparents hung out together and did things together,...but times have changed since then. As long as you have some type of balance in your life, where your gf is part of your world, not just your complete world.

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