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anyone else think their therapist is 'mean'?advice appreciated...
October 1, 2009
4:21 pm
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innerturmoil
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Hi,
just wondering if any of u has a 'mean' therapist.. she just is sooo strait forward, she actually told me i was 'BS' ing myself today.. she used the abbrev but still.

and is it kosher for ur therapist to see ur husband and u separately...
(we can never get anyone 2 watch our son so we can go together)..

October 1, 2009
4:42 pm
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Lanigirl
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Hey Inner,

Do you think she was hitting a sore spot with you or do you think a therapist with a different style would suit you better?

My therapist told me at one point to grow up. This was too much for me and I haven't been back.

I don't know about the second part.

October 1, 2009
5:40 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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I have had two therapists as an adult. One told me "this is life. You need to deal with it as an adult. I have given you what you need and you can do this. You don't need me anymore." Both were straighforward with me but neither was mean.

Bitsy

October 1, 2009
5:45 pm
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StronginHim77
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The best therapist I ever worked with (a psychologist who treated me for ten months) was VERY straight forward. He did not pull ANY punches. At times, I wanted to walk out and never come back, but he did me great good.

I had a different therapist ten years earlier who was extremely gentle and nice with me, but we made virtually no progress.

Sometimes, we have to find the right "fit." If you feel that uncomfortable with this one, perhaps a change is in order. And yes...it is perfectly fine for a therapist to treat a husband and wife individually, as well as jointly. In fact, most therapists prefer that method for maximum progress. Not having your mate present enables you to speak more openly and frankly at times without worrying about repercussions or interruptions, etc.

- Ma Strong

October 1, 2009
7:55 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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I have had therapist who are straight forward.

She knew how to say what she thought in a nice but straight forward way.

Tell her if she offends you because therapist are trained to be able to take different approaches that will benefit their client the most.

(((huggsss)))

October 1, 2009
9:38 pm
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fantas
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I have had both. I tend to do well with the straight but gentle shooters. I do know that most therapists will not tell you something you can't handle, once they get to know you for a while. Are you upset at what she said or how she said it? Is there any truth to what was said? Whether or not you stay with this one, make sure you heard what was intended.

October 1, 2009
9:48 pm
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learning2luvme
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Therasist are human just like we are so they have opinions just like we do the only thing they have a degree to help people sometimes they are too judgemental. If you are uncomfortable you need to find another one! You wont tell all to someone you think is judging you. So you will not benefit completely from the sessions. Or tell them that they offended you, if this was the only time and maybe they can explain.
Just a thought. Good luck with that!!

October 2, 2009
10:39 am
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innerturmoil
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thanks
--all-- for advice..

i think she is very strait forward.. which is good..
but sometimes i think she is a little too 'harsh'..
i know therapist are human
and i think she might be a little 'judgemental' of me..
i think some of what i confided in her makes anyone in the human race automatically judge people based on... so.. idk..
i want her to work out,, cause i am making progress..
but i dont want someone who is judging me or especially 'taking sides' with my husband over me..
which it kinda felt like she was doin..

she kinda did offend me a little,, i like hearing the truth but not to upset me so much..

i will go back to her again.. my h is gonna see her today adn i wanna see what all she said to him too..

thank u all
(((hugs)))
ps: i like all the advice i can get:)

October 4, 2009
11:33 pm
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Hepburn
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Hi Inner!

Just wanted to pop in to say hi and give you my 2 cents.

I went to marriage counseling too. Our therapist was ok. I felt she sided with my h too. There were some things that I didn't like to hear of course, but I never felt like she wanted to deal with me. Seemed like she always wanted to talk to my h. I think she had a thing for him actually. ha

Anyway, go with your gut. At least you're giving her a chance. If after a while you still don't like her, go to someone else. After all, you're going to these things to help yourself, not to make HER feel better. LOL

Hey, at least you're going! Good for you!

(((Inner)))

October 5, 2009
10:04 am
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innerturmoil
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hey All,,
hey,,
Lani, how r u?? whereve u been?? lol

hi Hep,,
thanks,, yep im gonna go back,,
eventho she told my h that he was a super 'genius' and that he just needs help workin thru his emotions..
o yea,,
she told him.. that we are both too 'messed up' to even start 'couples' counseling until we get strait individually.. lol
anyones therapist said u r too messed up to go to marriage counseling ?? 🙂

anyway, o yea, she leaves messages to remind of our appts. she is always really business like when she leaves it for me,, she left it for my h she said calling to remind u of 'our' appt all nervous like and then stuttering and said um um i guess it is 12 pm hehe.. all like nervous like.. tell me what that means.. lol

n e way,,
thanks for ur advice,,
i gotta go 2 wal-mart.. grrr
((( hugs)))

October 5, 2009
10:42 am
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Lanigirl
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Hey Inner,

I'm here girl.

I think I'm going to try a different therapist. My sister suggested to try a male therapist.

Wow, I would love to find someone that actually calls and reminds you of appointments. I've only had the insurance to cover independent contractors that can barely keep up with anything. Good job going back.

Better to work out things for yourself before you concentrate on relationship. Besides, once you feel healthier, it'll probably change the way the relationship is going.

October 5, 2009
10:53 am
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StronginHim77
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I have three friends who are licensed therapists. All three have shared with me that they prefer working with husbands/wives on an INDIVIDUAL basis, then bringing them together periodically for a "couples" session, as the work progresses.

Apparently, this is a very common, reasonable approach to helping two people resolve their differences. Priority is to help each individual identify and address his/her own issues and areas which need healing/recovery. Two Healthy People = One Healthy Union. Anyway, that's the theory.

I also don't think you're supposed to get involved in whatever the counselor/therapist addresses with your spouse. By this, I don't think it wise to question him (or the therapist) about what was "said," what the questions/answers/topics of conversation might have been, etc. Even in a marriage, I believe both parties are entitled to privacy as they resolve their individual issues. Otherwise, how can they talk freely?

- Ma Strong

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