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anyone else obssessed with their man?
February 19, 2007
3:29 pm
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eurogurl
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I find im obssessed, thinking of him a lot, wondering if hes cheating, and im always accusing him of perhaps not loving me enough, or being abusive, rude. I think im really angry, and its ruining my relationship.
He can be a total dick too, but I think i have some real issues here.
I cant even focus on imp things like work, my health, im so distracted.
Were apart for the first time, and every time we talk we argue now.
He says he wants to marry me and loves me more than anything, but i keep thinking other wise, and mistrusting him for no reason.
am i f'd up?

February 19, 2007
3:43 pm
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eurogurl
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He also keeps saying im talking like a victim, blaming everyone

February 19, 2007
4:43 pm
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Hi:
I can see this a very difficult moment in your life and i am glad you have came here. First of all do you have any motives for being so insecure? Has he ever cheated? Hurt you physiclly of with words? You may need to look back and see if your accusations are real of just part of insecurity. Do you have a Psychologist , maybe a therapist can help you internalize what it is thats so disturbing!! God Blass
Soledad

February 19, 2007
5:27 pm
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eurogurl
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what do u mean internalize?
ya im sick with worry, that im going to lose him and he keeps assuring me he loves me, wants to marry me.
my dad left us at a very young age, i spose that has some bearing.
he has been verbally abusive, but ive given it back, butnever physical or cheated.

February 19, 2007
7:13 pm
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eurogurl
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look, i honestly do not believe in therapy, they can really mess with peoples heads, and keep women feeling like victims.
A lot of it is a crock, and how come most women are labelled with bpd? not men, its like when doctors used to tell women they were messed up if they masturbated. A woman who took care of her needs, was strong, and didnt fit into their idea of a good house wife or woman, was either a witch, or a hysteria, schizoid type.
Its all bullshit
Im normally a secure woman, but im crazy in love with this guy, and i miss him like hell.
He keeps assuring me all is cool, but i just cant accept that. I will go like a day or two, all cool and happy, and then he will say something, and it will set me off thinking he doesnt really love me that much and hes just using me, then i go on an emotional tirade that leaves me feeling drained and guilty.
I dunno i guess im just under a lot of stress right now.
Some say, oh hes being abusive to you, but im just as verbally abusive, and im freakin angry at times, i cant blame everything on him.
I wanna be cool myself..
idk
anyone else have any ideas?
comments?

February 19, 2007
10:12 pm
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eurogurl
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Arguing is actually one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do for your relationship.

It's true that nonstop battling isn't great for your love. (See the movie The War of the Roses.) And some couples are so worried about the possible negative effects of arguing - Are we tearing apart our bond? Does it mean we're not meant to be? - that they pride themselves on never arguing. But here's a surprise: Never fighting can be just as bad as constant conflict. In fact, arguing is one of the healthiest things you and your guy can do.

Think of fighting as relationship Drano: Once in a while you have to clean out the pipes. Sure, it gets ugly, but afterward, things flow more smoothly. If, on the other hand, you stuff your anger, it eventually builds up so much that it can sabotage your entire relationship. "We are not clones of one another," says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., a Chicago marital therapist and author of Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map. "It is inevitable that we will disagree from time to time. So either you verbalize your disagreement, or you don't verbalize it and you harbor resentment, which eventually tears you apart."

Executed correctly, a fight can even be a tool to advance your cause as a couple. "Arguing doesn't always lead to a consensus," says Huston, "but it's useful to your relationship because it can lead to a clarification of your differences and a solution on how to move past them together." Just remember the "right" way to fight: "The key to a good argument is that you can disagree all you want, but you still show respect to your partner," says Huston. Stacks and stacks of research have shown that partners who use arguments as an opportunity to criticize each other or show contempt (by, say, rolling their eyes) are far more likely to separate or divorce.

February 19, 2007
10:14 pm
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eurogurl
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i guess im the only one obssessed lol

February 20, 2007
10:20 am
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bluegirl
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EUROGIRL
therapy saved my life
i do have bpd..and thank god someone noticed..now my son still has a mom here
the man i was in love with had bipolar disorder
boys get bipolar too
sounds like you are stereotyping and have some beliefs that are not based in truth but personal experience
meds can help regain quality of life......
sometimes without them we can kill ourselves
obsessive anything is not healthy...and you are not healthy..so focus on you and not him.....
arguing can be beneficial if the people arguing hold themselves in self respect and the other person while arguing...there are rules and guidlines to follow...and it sounds like you and your partner don't follow these rules one bit
also .........
you don't seem secure to me at all
....read yourself (your posts)

February 20, 2007
1:34 pm
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eurogurl
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whaa??
um im mentally healthy, thank you. Im quite normal and am having a difficult time because my fiancee and i are seperated atm, and im simply grieving.. wow
and no im not obssessed, im cool.
sorry to hear youre bpd, that sucks, glad you got some help for youself tho.
Im quite secure in myself, but not entirely secure in this relationship, but ive already let things go, and be as they may. My fiancee loves me to no end, thats all there is to it, and seperation and arguments ( we have called each other names, but not any more ) do serve to brin gus closer, and make our relationship stronger, which they have.
I hate people who stuff their true feelings and arent real, tahts what causes resenetments and anger.
hope you get better, bpd as a mother must be hell, for everyone

February 20, 2007
1:38 pm
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eurogurl
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AND YES THE MAJORITY OF BPD DIAGNOSES ARE WOMEN

February 20, 2007
1:48 pm
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eurogurl
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bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women.1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.2,3 Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations.4 Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.
Symptoms

While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in soc - make a huge effort not to be alone.
WOW NONE OF THIS IS ME, THANK GOD.
majority are young females - i think its medical hysteria on young women who are under a lot of stress these days at home, school etc.
My heart goes out to anyone with these symptoms.

February 20, 2007
2:57 pm
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bluegirl
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I work for a mental health association..... the fact remains that many men do have the disorder and it has been suggested as many as women ..the problem is they go undiagnosed as they don't seek treatment as often as women..that is why stats are not accurate

there are professionals on this site also ...keep this in mind..your copy and pastes from books are not neccessarily gospel........also do not believe everything you read .....also folks with bipolar well it is an illness with a million faces...we are all different and honestly when we are being treated and have counselling along with it you may not even be able to tell that we have it.People can go for years and not even have an episode

I quote you
I am obsessed...... cant even focus on imp things like work, my health, im so distracted....sick with worry

he has been verbally abusive, but ive given it back,( we have called each other names, but not any more ) do serve to brin gus closer, and make our relationship stronger, which they have

Calling names brought you closer???

This is nonsense......all of the above sounds pretty unhealthy to me

To adress your following comment

look, i honestly do not believe in therapy, they can really mess with peoples heads, and keep women feeling like victims. A lot of it is a crock,

THAT IS YOUR OPINION..NOT FACT..HOW DISCOURAGING THAT WOULD BE FOR A NEW READER ON HERE ..PERHAPS A YOUNG WOMEN ETC...THAT MAY DECIDE BASED ON YOUR SLANT NOT TO GO AND GET HELP BECAUSE YOU SCARED HER TO THINKING THAT IT CAN MESS WITH HER HEAD ETC.

Perhaps it is not as black and white

There is good therapy out there and helps us remove ourselves feeling as victims...it can unmess an unquiet mind..it can give us hope...keep us alive.....it can give us quality of life..it can help make sense of our past...traumas...abuse...etc. it can help people that are obsessive, codependant if you believe there is such a term although it is not a clinical diagnosis for instance and therapy can also help those that have low self esteem and a mirad of personality disorders.

February 20, 2007
8:04 pm
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eurogurl
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whoaaaaaaaaaaa, relax, you are certainly taking a schizoid stance on my comments.
First of all i never said anything i said on here was gospel, they are simply my opinions, whereas you have certainly taken a self righteous stance.
As far as bpd diagnoses, yes, majority are women, according to research, and i respect that you may work in the mental health field, and see just as many men as women with what you consider bpd symptoms, but unless you are a psychiatrist or a licenced counsellor, you really dont have a lot to say, that i will take seriously, other than your attitude, which is harsh and unnecessary on my thread.
The word i used "obssessed" was a strong one, but not technically true, i am far from obssessed. I was, quote was, because im healing, upset and suffering seperation anxiety as the result of being seperated from my fiancee who ive lived with for almost a year, perfectly normal that i cant work well, eat and im worried about the relationship.
If you want to know what relationship obssession is, check out the thread entitled that.
whomever acts like that in a relationship is certainly a mess, and i feel sorry for both parties who would think that is love, they certainly need some healing.
NO, calling names did not bring us closer, and i never said it did??
Calling names, was stupid, and something that we need to work on, which we are, and havent done.
I mean thats as bad as it got, but arguing i think can bring you closer, when its about imp issues and youre both listening, and changing accordingly. To say that most couples dont argue, would just be ridiculous, in fact i think a lot of couples, long term healthy couples, argue.
I would be concerned if we didnt argue, that would be wierd. For two people to just glide through life and agree on everything, without argument, seems shallow, to me ( my opinion )
Ya, i do believe therapy can really mess people up, big time. There are a lot of vulnerable , hurting people out there who are putting their psyche, and mind in the hands of strangers, some of these strangers are just as confused and messed up as their patients
and NO in most cases i do not believe in drugs at all, i believe it covers up the problem, and exaccerbates it, as well as compounding it. ITs an easy crutch, especially for addicts. I also think there is way too many diagnoses, and labels out there, that im comfortable with.
Were labelling everyone, even children who are neglected or over active, or highly intelligent as ADD and giving them drugs. This is a drug pushing society suffering spiritual bankrupcy.
These are all my opinions and not gospel, and everyone is welcome to offer theirs, in respect.

February 23, 2007
6:23 pm
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tiedupinknots
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google 'love addiction'
we are all crazy obsessed here lol
it is normal, the life situation does that, label it anything you want. Bipolar, etc. etc. Basically you think you are your mind, your thoughts, your False Self. Once you start googling 'True Self' 'Spiritual Awakenings' 'The Secret' instead of the thought patterns that are associated with the negative conscious levels you are on your way to healing/recovery. You are on your way to becoming 'homo spiritous' watch the spelling lol have fun googling

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