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Anyone around? Really need to talk...
April 6, 2007
10:13 pm
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readyforachange
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Hey, just having a pretty rough night. My ex is driving me nuts, my BF is ignoring me, and I'm just having a hard time with my dad's death.

Anyone awake?

April 6, 2007
10:35 pm
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Shaney
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Hi ready... I'm sorry you're feeling low. It's pretty early here in California and I just got back from taking the dogs for a walk.

April 6, 2007
10:43 pm
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readyforachange
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I'm just really having a hard time with my dad being gone...I think it is finally sinking in. I spent most of the day with my mom, who was a pillar of strength during the funeral but now seems to be struggling. It's so hard to see her like this. My ex is sending me nasty emails and calling me to stir things up after months of not even responding when I needed something for our kids. And the guy I've been dating for 4 months was supposed to call today, but hasn't. He's been pretty distant since my dad died, well, even before that. I know I should end it with him, but I'm not sure I can go through that and grieve my dad at the same time, especially if my ex is going to start harassing me again.

Just lonely, and tired, and down...

What's up with you tonight?

April 6, 2007
10:59 pm
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Shaney
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The arrangements that come with losing someone seem to keep everyone in this busy, occupied state. It's almost like there isn't much time for too much emotion. It hits most people after the fact. I think that whatever is going on around you at that time, is also magnified about a million percent. I really know where you're coming from. I know your life is busy, but if at all possible, find time to be alone to relax and reflect. If you don't get that chance to grieve quietly, it will come out in other ways.

As for the ex, how much can you realistically ignore him or put him off? That is the last thing you need - your ex stirring up more emotion in you. Unless his issue is something that has to do with your children, and something that needs to be taken care of right away... I'd put him at the bottom of my to-do list, for sure.

I read about the situation with your bf and how you two were cooling things off a bit. Are things still good enough between you two, that you can just give him a call to chat for a few minutes, or a call to say hi and hope he had a good day? I hate when they say they're going to call and dont. It's such a frustrating game. At this point, I don't think I'd make any drastic moves to break it totally off with him. Let things hang for a while, take care of you for the time being, and revisit that situation when you feel more up to it. No need to add one more coal to the fire. Take it easy.

I'm just winding down from the week. My h is home and watching F1 on tv... (boring)... so I'm just catching up with the people here, and putting together some Easter gifts for my mom and grandma. We're going to have lunch with them tomorrow. It's a two-three hour trip to where they live... so it'll take the whole day. My brother and his bratty wife (hee hee) are going too.

April 6, 2007
11:32 pm
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readyforachange
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Just typed a long response, and lost the whole thing....

Well, you're right about the funeral arrangements. Plus my sisters were all in town and staying with my mom. Now there gone, and she has said to me how long the days are, and how quiet the house is, and how she doesn't want to cook for just one person. I know I need to be there for her, but sometimes I'm barely hanging on myself.

My ex is just an ASS. He showed up at the funeral, walked past me and my kids, and gave my sister a hug. Didn't speak to my kids, and hadn't called my daughter to see how she was doing. Now decides this week he wants to reconcile with her after ignoring her for 6 months. I sent him an email to tell him to please be careful because she is very fragile right now. He responds with 3 emails and several phone calls...total crap about how I was the only one he ever wanted to be with, and he can't stand the sight of me, and blah, blah, blah. I'm not answering my phone or email anymore.

The BF is just unavailable. I know this. I asked to slow down, just thought "I'll call you" means what it is, and telling someone we'll do something Saturday doesn't mean make them wait until Saturday to finalize the plan. If he blows me off tomorrow, that's a deal breaker. Just don't want to deal with it because I needed a diversion from the crap right about now. I should know better than to count on someone else for that, though.

Your Easter plans sound nice, despite the bratty sister in law.

April 7, 2007
12:20 am
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Shaney
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I've written many long responses, only to have them disappear before my eyes. I sit there and just cuss at the screen for about five minutes straight, every time it happens. Ugh.

Hopefully, you and your mother can help eachother through this. But there are going to be days when all you can handle is your own grief - so don't try to handle too much. I carry many burdens for my own mom in addition to what I have going, and it's not a pretty sight when I finally come to the end of that rope. I've only done that a couple of times, and I always end up wishing that I would have just been honest all along. Helping eachother is all good, but you can only help someone else if you've got the strength to do so. Don't expect too much from yourself, too soon. I feel for the both of you.

Good idea about not answering the ex's calls or emails. What an idiot. You would think that if you were the best thing that ever happened to him, he'd treat you better (or give you a damn break at the very least) at a time when you need support... not more pressure. A death in the family can bring out the best, and the worst in people, I swear.

When my grandmother died, our family went in about 50 different directions, and never recovered. It's been years since I've seen that side of my family. I just don't get what people are thinking sometimes. One of life's mysteries, I guess. Just one more reason to remember, that we need to take care of ourselves.

I know your bf is unavailable and you're struggling with that. It would really be nice to be able to depend on someone right now, I know. Try to stay steady where he's concerned, for the time being. I think one heartache at a time would be all that "I" could handle, anyway.

I'm not sure if you're still around... I ran to the store and came back, so I hope you don't think I just dropped off. I'm putting together a few easter gifts right now, for my mom and grandma... so I'll be up for a bit longer. :o)

How are your kids doing?

April 7, 2007
8:40 am
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readyforachange
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Shaney...thanks for checking back in with me. It took forever for me to get that last post to go through, and I just got tired. I had a killer headache all night, and I finally took Ambien and fell asleep. I still only slept for 4 hours.

I know my ex has never gotten over me. He tells my kids to tell me he is sorry for the things he did, and that he wants to get back together, and he wants to have dinner with me. But he has never said any of that to me. He hangs up on me, sends me nasty emails, addresses my mail to "occupant" and writes "bearer" on my child support checks. He is just evil, and I don't have the energy for him right now.

I didn't call the BF last night, and don't plan to do it today. If he does, I may tell him that I have other plans tonight...not sure. I know he does not have his kids this weekend, and when he doesn't, he is usually home alone. I have not heard of anyone he hangs out with...he doesn't ever say he's going to do anything when we're not together. He talks of a few "buddies", but they all live out of town, and he has told me that his ex got all the friends in the divorce. Usually, if he's not with his kids, he's calling me constantly and we're spending half the weekend together. But I asked to slow things down. If he doesn't call, I'll know that he has the capability to treat me this way when I just lost my dad. He already blew me off on my birthday...this would be a deal breaker.

Which would mean that I'd have to go through breaking up with him and losing my dad all at the same time, and I just don't know if I'm strong enough for that.

I hope you got your Easter gifts made. I still need to get to the store to buy things...hope it isn't all picked over by the time I get there.

Happy Easter to you, and thanks for listening.

April 7, 2007
12:45 pm
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(((((((((Ready))))))))) Hang in there, Honey! From the sounds of it, you don't need either one of these guys. Just take this time to grieve for your father, as he is the only one who deserves your time for grief.

But I do understand the fear of breaking up and the feeling of loss that follows. But just remember that this loss (of BF) doesn't compare to the others. And if he doesn't call you today, he isn't worthy of your time. YOU have better things to do, and you deserve better than this! You deserve someone who will stand by you during the tough times, not run.

The loss of your father and your b-day, (and notice, these two events are very opposite, one to mourn and one to celebrate) and the way your bf reacted to these things are red flags, not a man of substance. It tells you he can react this way to anything.

Anyway, just some thoughts. Sorry if I'm too blunt. I just care a lot about you and wish you peace and happiness.

(((((((((Readyforachange))))))))))

April 7, 2007
1:29 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Ready)))

Oh hon...I wish I could be with you...just to listen and wipe your tears from your sweet face.

I am sorry you still grieve the loss of your dad. He must have been a good father to be loved like that.

As for the bf...well right now I have male friend but with OUT any romantic attachments. In fact, we are different from each other, but I enjoy the friendship as friends only. He is an average good guy.

As for your bf...I would say release it to HP. If he's the right person...HP will bring you back to each other. When we court someone, we tend to romanticize them/things. If he's the right one...he will come back to you. Rest in this truth and I will be keeping you in my prayers with regard to the bf, your x, your father's death.

As for your xh, keep him in your prayer. I know this is the last thing we wonna do when someone is being brat with us.

Oh sweetie...you have so much in your plate right now!

I pray this Easter will be a victory over all the crosses you have right now. You will experience the joy of resurrection.

Today I am indoors, tom I'm off to church; so if you feel like talking today, I will check back this thread throughout the day today.

Happy & blessed Easter to you and your family!!!xoxoxo

April 8, 2007
12:05 am
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readyforachange
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Jenni...thank you so much for your input. I know that I need to focus on me right now, and I'm trying to do just that. I spent the day talking to friends on the phone, checking in on my mom, and preparing for Easter. Even did a little shopping and visited a good girlfriend. Now I'm tired, and I hope I will sleep well tonight for a change.

Ras...I know that my HP will take care of me. It is always at times like these that I pray so much more, but I have asked him to carry me through this and to lead me in the right direction. Your wish about Easter being a victory over all the crosses I am carrying was beautiful...I know I am so blessed, but there has just been so much turmoil and stress in my life lately. I'm ready for a change.

And, my ex actually came and took my daughter to lunch. I opted to take the high road, and send some cajun ham and beans I had in my freezer because I know he likes it. Some people would call me a fool for doing something nice for him after all he has done to me, but I felt it was better to be kind than to lower myself to his level.

Thank you both!

April 8, 2007
6:59 am
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Rasputin
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((((Ready)))) You are a GEM!!!!

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