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Anyone a recovering alcoholic? If so please share...
September 1, 2007
4:05 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Good to see your post, Euqcaj. Hope you enjoyed your time with your granddaughter. 🙂

September 2, 2007
12:42 pm
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euqcaj
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Thank you TW! I did enjoy the fair with granddaughter and later my younges daughter and the two other grandsons, joined us. We had SO much fun and we stayed until 8pm! We really did as much as we possibly could! The kids were so tired,...but happy. I know none of us wanted it to end!

What was interesting though,..is I practice detachment,...and the day went very well. This is the daughter that give me a bad time at times. I used some of the techniques suggested in my the book, Codependent No More, and it worked! All day!
I believe we were all happier because of it!

I am still working my way through the book but very encouraged.

Gotta run again,...still painting a house!

Much love and hopefully much more discussion to follow,
Jacque 🙂

September 2, 2007
1:10 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Good, Euqcaj, I'm glad it went well. Like they say with the steps, too, they work if you work them. I need to put more attention on that instead of what I don't have in my life. Hope everyone is having a good weekend or at least an okay one. 🙂

September 2, 2007
4:17 pm
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alien
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Just wrappin up day 2 of total sobriety. When i used for the last time a couple of days ago i truely hit an awful psychological bottom. Well, i actually went nuts...And felt way to overwhelmed to consider facing my past and my future. So now here on day 2 i really remember why it is recommended that we stay in the present. And being clear headed and not so frenetic, i can bring myself back to the present when i start to panic, way easier. There is much to be grateful for in the present. The sun is shining, birds are singing, i have a huge bowl of cherries, and having surrendered, i am much more relaxed and trusting of the life process. So there. This thread has really been the trigger for my desire to try again! I hope that you are all greatful right now. For something, anything. It's a great place to start when you are lost in the dark. Blessings

September 2, 2007
4:20 pm
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alien
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Just wrappin up day 2 of total sobriety. When i used for the last time a couple of days ago i truely hit an awful psychological bottom. Well, i actually went nuts...And felt way to overwhelmed to consider facing my past and my future. So now here on day 2 i really remember why it is recommended that we stay in the present. And being clear headed and not so frenetic, i can bring myself back to the present when i start to panic, way easier. There is much to be grateful for in the present. The sun is shining, birds are singing, i have a huge bowl of cherries, and having surrendered, i am much more relaxed and trusting of the life process. So there. This thread has really been the trigger for my desire to try again! I hope that you are all greatful right now. For something, anything. It's a great place to start when you are lost in the dark. Blessings

September 2, 2007
4:23 pm
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alien
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Just wrappin up day 2 of total sobriety. When i used for the last time a couple of days ago i truely hit an awful psychological bottom. Well, i actually went nuts...And felt way to overwhelmed to consider facing my past and my future. So now here on day 2 i really remember why it is recommended that we stay in the present. And being clear headed and not so frenetic, i can bring myself back to the present when i start to panic, way easier. There is much to be grateful for in the present. The sun is shining, birds are singing, i have a huge bowl of cherries, and having surrendered, i am much more relaxed and trusting of the life process. So there. This thread has really been the trigger for my desire to try again! I hope that you are all greatful right now. For something, anything. It's a great place to start when you are lost in the dark. Blessings

September 2, 2007
6:32 pm
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StronginHim77
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alien -

Day #2! Holy smoke! That's so good...you are DOING IT. Within a couple more days at most, you may begin having ALOT of feelings...not all of them happy or pleasant. But that is OK. When we stop "using" (whether weed, pills or booze), the self-induced numbness finally wears off and we make contact with ourselves. You are coming to life! And this will have good moments and uncomfortable ones and that is OK. Just remember that bad feelings do not hurt us, do not kill us, do not cause us harm. They are just feelings and they WILL pass.

Keep posting. We have been in your shoes. Some of us haven't had the courage to take that first step towards sobriety/consciousness. Reading your wonderful, straight-from-the-heart postings may be encouraging silent readers of this thread to take the plunge and step into freedom from walking through life in a buzz, also.

- Ma Strong

September 2, 2007
7:15 pm
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alien
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Ma Strong

THANK You for popping by with your kindness, for sure! Sorry about the multiple messages i popped up somehow. Oh my God ya, i am totally anticipating a hurricane of emotions to move in any second. But the desire to quit something often comes with the realization that using isn't helping anymore anyways. For me, it has been making all my problems worse actually, for awhile now. Frankly, it has been triggering psychosis. But i realized that even though this was the case, that it was actually the psychosis(and mania)that i was oddly addicted to. That probably sounds incomprehensible, but i swear it's true. So now i really actually feel ready to just take what comes and try to forgive whatever it is. Whatever demons(so to speak)that present themselves, will be treated with compassion so that they can become less ferocious. I do not know if this will work mind you, it's just my plan today. Because i know that the more i feed my demons resentment and hatred and fear etc...the more they come back. How flakey eh? Whatever. I just need to try to do something radically different with my agony. Which would mean to stop fighting it. I have been reading about "spiritual crisis" as an alternative approach to "mental illness". I was diagnosed with friggin BPD a few months ago, and it traumatized me. I can't accept that paradigm. But the language of having a "spiritual crisis", is contrarily EMPOWERING! Anyways, i digress. That's where i am at today. I LOVE all you guys by the way! I am very very very grateful that my crazy path somehow landed me on this stretch of road with you all!!! Ma Strong, i am touched by what you wrote to me! I really want others to find the inspiration to do what is needed(different for everyone), to feel strong and worthy! Because we all are! Blessings! : )

September 2, 2007
10:31 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Good for you, Alien. Today, I'm also grateful for another day of sobriety and having a good friend I had an enjoyable evening with and could laugh without having to depend on anything else. 🙂

September 2, 2007
11:50 pm
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StronginHim77
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alien -

BPD? Dang! That's a tough diagnosis, but (here's the good news) BPD is the ONLY one of the B-cluster personality disorders which responds well to therapy and medical support. If you are willing to do the work of recovery, normalcy, peace and a better life await you. And you won't be going thru the mental/emotional hell which has driven you to seek numbing relief from weed, etc.

Please keep us posted. Take it one day at a time. I would also encourage you to seek therapy, if you haven't already done so. You need that support and help. No one can recover from a personality disorder without professional help. And I will be keeping you in my prayers.

You have courage. You are brave enough to face yourself. Don't give up. You will win.

- Ma Strong

September 2, 2007
11:53 pm
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euqcaj
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Hi Alien,...
I quit 16 years ago,.....best thing I ever did.
I am concerned about you though, are you having any withdrawals? Sometimes we need medical help just to get through this part. Please take care of yourself.
For so long I numbed myself, not able to accept reality, my dreams being crushed, people that were supposed to love me, didn't, and treated me cruelly. That killed me,...I couldn't understand why, and why all this was happening to me, why my life was falling apart. The drinking just made everything worse,...for 22 years,...plus an eating disorder that lasted longer. Oh,...the things we do to ourselves.

I was just reading today in the book "Codependent No More", about how we torture ourselves and how that has to stop RIGHT NOW! Makes sense to me now,....don't think it would have a number of years ago. I was coping back then,...and still have been in regard to my emotions. I am just learning about this codependent thing. It sure makes sense to me and the book has described me to a "tee" in most regards.

You are headed in the right direction Alien. We are here for you!
Jacque 🙂

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