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ANYBODY HERE??? I NEED SOME HELP.......
October 15, 2006
1:31 am
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needtoheal
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PLEASE HELP ME .. I AM SO UPSET BECAUSE I WAS ON DAY 2 OF NO CONTACT AND THEN TONIGHT I CALLED AND LEFT HIM A MESSAGE... I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN'T LET IT GO.....

October 15, 2006
1:33 am
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lovinglife
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Hi needtoheal- I have a few minutes...

October 15, 2006
1:35 am
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needtoheal
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OH LOVINGLIFE... I AM SO UPSET... WOULD YOU MIND READING ABOUT MY SITUATION... IT IS ON THE THREAD "2ALONE.. PLEASE READ THIS"

THANKS .... I WAS SO IMPULSIVE TONIGHT AFTER GETTING OUT OF WORK...

PLEASE HELP ME

October 15, 2006
1:38 am
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lovinglife
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k...give me a few minutes...first I need to get a drink - my son just brought me hot wings home and my mouth is burning...No not just burning- its on fire!! brb

October 15, 2006
1:44 am
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needtoheal
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thanks

October 15, 2006
1:48 am
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lovinglife
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shooooot- those hot wings were hot- good thing is that I just saved myself a bunch of calories--could only eat 2 of them -

Ok I read over your story. Lots of info there...

first how long ago did the two of you part ways? And just to let you know that no contact in the beginning is not an easy task - they (the person we're trying to let go of) feels like a drug. For me, what I learned was *that feeling* is what I know now as my codependency issues.

October 15, 2006
1:57 am
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needtoheal
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THIS IS LIKE AN ADDICTION... WELL WE HAD BEEN TELLING EACH OTHER THAT IT IS OVER FOR QUITE SOME TIME BUT WE ALWAYS WOULD GO BACK...
HE CAME TO MY WORK ON THURSDAY AND WE COULD NOT TALK,, BUT HE SAID THAT NOW WE CAN SAY THAT IN THE PAST MONTH WE HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER THREE TIMES..
THE LAST TIME HE STAYED WITH ME..
THEN AT THE BAR WHEN HE WAS DRUNK WHEN I WENT TO SEE HIM AFTER THE FUNERAL
AND THEN AT MY WORK

WE DID NOT TALK AT ALL THAT NIGHT AFTER HE SAW ME.. HE DID SAY THAT I LOOKED GREAT AND GAVE ME A SMILE...

THEN ON FRIDAY I LEFT HIM A MESSAGE ON HIS CELL PHONE THAT I HOPE THAT HE DOES NOT JUMP INTO ANYTHING TOO QUICK BECAUSE IT COULD COME BACK AND STAB YOU IN THE BACK LIKE IT DID WITH ME WITH HIM''

October 15, 2006
1:58 am
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Jenni
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I agree with LL, when she says that at first, the person we are trying to let go of is like a drug. We have to allow ourselves to feel the "withdrawls", and eventually it passes and becomes easier.

But don't give up on yourself. Sometimes, it takes several times to get it down. It actually takes some practice. But once we allow it to become a habit to NOT contact, then it will become natural.

(((NTH)))

PS...I'm going to nickname you:

I_WILL_HEAL!! Because believe it or not, it CAN happen and WILL if you let it!

We're here, Honey!! You definately are not alone!

October 15, 2006
2:00 am
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lovinglife
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ok is this where we are?! : )

Nobody go anywhere!!

October 15, 2006
2:01 am
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Jenni
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Yes, LL...

October 15, 2006
2:01 am
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needtoheal
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THANKS... OH THANK YOU... I WAS DOING OKAY... IT JUST BRINGS UP OLD FEELINGS OF WHEN MY EX-HUSBAND LEFT..
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK ABOUT HOW HE TREATED ME???
I THINK HE WAS A CRUTCH BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THE ANGER OR ABUSE BUT I GUESS HE OCCUPIED MY TIME

October 15, 2006
2:03 am
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lovinglife
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exB a crutch? yes, I'd have to agree that he was. I too had a *crutch* of sorts when I first divorced- the man who was my rebound relationship and really the man who helped me really get out and finally stay out/away from my exH. The relationship lasted for 3 yrs.

October 15, 2006
2:05 am
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lovinglife
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and I like Jen's * I Will Heal* because you will...it is just getting through these beginnings stages of letting go...and it's hard- I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS.

October 15, 2006
2:09 am
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lovinglife
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where did you two go?!

October 15, 2006
2:11 am
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Jenni
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I'm here. Where did IWH go??

October 15, 2006
2:11 am
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needtoheal
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I WAS SO STRONG TODAY... AND IT DOES FEEL LIKE AN ADDICTION BECAUSE WE HE HUNG ONTO ME TOO... HE WOULD CALL EVERY MORNING,, WHILE HE WAS AT WORK, DRIVING BETWEEN JOBS, WHEN HE GOT HOME AND THEN BEFORE HE LEFT TO GO TO BOWLING OR TO BED...
HE HAS MADE SOME FRIENDS AND HE KNOWS THAT I DO NOT CARE FOR THEM OR THE BAR SCENE.. MAYBE THAT IS WHAT HE WANTS NOW.. BACK TO THE SOCIAL SCENE.. HE IS A FORMER POT ADDICT WHO QUIT COLD TURKEY.. AND WITH ADDICTION WHEN I PERSON DOES NOT GO THROUGH RECOVERY THEN THEY SWITCH TO ANOTHER SUBSTANCE.

THAT IS WHY I THINK THAT I WAS LIKE AN ADDICTION FOR HIM TOO..
THEN THE OTHER NIGHT HE WAS ASKING IF I WAS TALKING TO SOMEONE THAT WAS MY FRIEND..AND I SAID NO THAT I HAD NOT TALKED TO HIM IN A LONG TIME...
HE DID TELL ME THE OTHER DAY THAT HE WAS NOT LOOKING FOR SOMEONE AND I GUESS I KEPT PUSHING FOR HIM TO DO THAT AND I SAID THAT I WILL BE LOOKING TOO EVENTUALLY...
SO WHEN HE TEXT ME FROM WORK SAYING THAT HE WAS SORRY THAT HE WAS BUSY AND HE WOULD CALL ME LATER I SENT HIM A TEXT THAT SAID I KNOW THE DEAL ..PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THIS WORSE
AND HE DID NOT CALL TODAY AND I KNOW THAT HE IS HOME BECAUSE I DID DRIVE BY NOT EXPECTING HIM TO BE HOME.. HE PROBABLY IS AT THAT BAR WHERE HIS FRIEND IS A DJ... HE SAID TO ME THAT HE NEEDS TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE AND START OVER WITH SOMEONE WHO HE DID NOT SCREW UP WITH... SO TO ME THAT WAS A FORM OF ADMITTING THAT HE DID CONTRIBUTE TO THIS PROBLEM...

MY THERAPIST THINKS THAT HE WILL TRY TO PURSUE ME AGAIN IF I DO LET GO...

October 15, 2006
2:13 am
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lovinglife
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she was composing! I do that too - ok..now I'll read...

October 15, 2006
2:16 am
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lovinglife
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what to you want *Iwillheal*??? Do you want to be with him or do you want to be free of him? Guessing you want to be free of him - just need clarification.

October 15, 2006
2:17 am
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lovinglife
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and how long was this relationship?

October 15, 2006
2:18 am
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needtoheal
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THAT IS WHERE I WAS... RAMBLING ON... THIS CRUTCH AS I WILL REFER TO HIM.. OR ABUSIVE CRUTCH.. LASTED OVER4 YEARS... HE EVEN GAVE ME AN ENGAGEMENT RING..AND I WAS THAT EMESHED WITH HIM THAT I SAID YES//
THEN TWO DAYS LATER HE YELLED AT ME BECAUSE HE NEEDED TO GO TO A FUNERAL WITH ME AND HE NEEDED TO GO BACK HOME TO GET HIS CLOTHES AND HE STARTED BEING NASTY.. ONCE I TRIED EXPLAINING MYSELF HE JUST GOT NASTIER.. SO I TOOK OFF THE RING THAT NIGHT...
THEN I HAD IT ON AND WHEN HE WENT BOWLING I WAS THERE WITH HIM AND HE LIED TO MY FACE AND LIED AGAIN DIRECTLY TO MY FACE...AND IT WAS WITH THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE AT THE BAR WITH HIM BECAUSE THEY USED TO BOWL WITH HIM LAST YR.. AND THEY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HE SAID THAT HE WAS NEEDING TO HELP THAT NIGHT THAT I CAME HOME FROM A FUNERAL.. AND BASICALLY HE BLEW ME OFF TO GO TO THE BAR AND DRINKK

October 15, 2006
2:22 am
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lovinglife
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ok...so the sitz here is that you are done with him but having a hard time letting him go???..

October 15, 2006
2:22 am
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needtoheal
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THANKS FOR THE NEW NAME.. I-WILL-HEAL... AND I DID BEFORE WHEN MY EXH WALKED OUT WHEN THE KIDS WERE 3 AND 14 MONTHS OLD... AND I DID NOT HAVE A JOB, ETC
I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER HIM AND I WAS WITH HIM SINCE I WAS 19..GOT MARRIED AT 22..GRADUATED COLLEGE AT 24 AND HAD FIRST KID AT 27 AND 29///

BUT I DO NOT WANT THIS MAN IN MY LIFE FOR THE REASONS THAT I MENTIONED ON THE OTHER THREAD...

October 15, 2006
2:24 am
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lovinglife
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got'cha about not wanting him in your life...it's just now trying to figure out how to move on letting him go

October 15, 2006
2:24 am
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needtoheal
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YES... HAVE A QUESTION THOUGH.. AFTER I POST THIS THEN I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE TOP TO WAIT.. BECAUSE I KEEP GETTING LOST OR IS WHEN I AM RAMBLING ON.....

October 15, 2006
2:27 am
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lovinglife
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can you hit the refresh button?

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