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anybody heard from army?
October 20, 2006
1:21 am
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smarterone
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Whats up with the girl, anyone know. I am worried about her and yet i want to go and grab her and her kids and drag her out of the house. I cant even find the thread. where is it?

October 20, 2006
7:30 am
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ggfred4
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me too

October 20, 2006
7:53 am
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cyndra820
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Me three.

Army, come out wherever you are?

October 20, 2006
8:55 am
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lovinglife
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Amry's last thread was "depressed and hopeless" she wasn't on yesterday (hopefully still with us- meaning she hasn't felt like talking but is reading/listening).. could start a thread to send her well wishes..

Army - thinking about you...

October 20, 2006
1:32 pm
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smarterone
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Army, let us know you are ok. you have people who care here. Love to you

October 20, 2006
2:40 pm
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StronginHim77
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I'm worried, too. Just posted on "Depressed and Hopeless" thread. Praying we hear from her. I think she is just plain emotionally and physicall drained. But she is reading what we write, so KEEP WRITING, dear ones.

- Ma Strong

October 23, 2006
3:31 am
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armyleo
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Hi everyone... I started to write... then I noticed the heading... Thanks for thinking of me, it made me cry, because someone out there really cares about me.

I didn't want to/couldn't go on line Thursday & Friday I didn't even want to get out of bed...I wanted to go away, no one at home needs me... I'm loosing the girls... my thoughts all day Thurday and Friday were how many pills would it take? and is it better with water or liquor?

I didn't read or write...I didn't want to feel anything.

What's scarry is that not only in the last 4 weeks has it been bad at home, but things keep popping up in my mind about my past...

Saturday my H said we were going to AZ to take a look at my son's little place, since no-one has had a chance to go for a month. We just got back.... I felt like a zombie but put a smile on my face for the girls... How can a person smile and feel like they are dying inside? I think it did me a little better, he was good the wholee week-end, I wanted to come back here and write....I will read tomorrow H was getting suspicious lately as to why I'm on the computer all the time... Sometimes I want to tell him I have friends... But I guess I will keep to to myself still.

I'm rambling now...but I have other things I want to bring up later...

October 23, 2006
3:32 am
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doubleloss
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army, good to hear from you.

keep this thread to yourself.

keep writing. double.

October 23, 2006
3:36 am
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free
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Hey army

It's awful worrying about somebody, so please don't disappear. I need ya not to do that.

Hugs army!

(((army)))

free

October 23, 2006
7:15 am
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cyndra820
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Army,

Glad you wrote. We were all getting a bit worried about you.

Mich doen't tell her husband who she's talking to. I think your keeping us a secret is a good thing. Sometimes we need to keep things to ourselves.

Sorry you had such a rough weekend. I'm sorry the depression is taking it's toll on you. Is there anyone you can talk to? A counselor at a local clinic? You may have explained all of this all ready, and I missed it. Sorry, if it's been asked and answered.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Regards,
Cyndra

October 23, 2006
11:02 am
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armyleo
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No, I only talk here, and then after my initial talking most of what I'm going through, I felt, bad..and depressed so I stopped talking as much.

No I've never been to a counselor...I wouldn't knnow where to start or what to say...I would be scared they would tell...or have me committed, I don't know.

October 23, 2006
11:30 am
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mamacinnamon
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Armyangel:

I'm so glad to see you. Please DO NOT tell hubby about here. We are a clear and present danger to his control over you, and YES, he would take us away from you. Keep us quiet. You need a safe haven to go to and looks like we are it. And we are so very happy to have you here w/ us.

Do go see a counselor. He cannot tell what ya'll talk about, but YES if he feels you are a threat to yourself or anyone else he is obligated to act on that. I feel like killing myself is not a threat. I am gonna die or I am gonna kill myself IS a threat. As for knowing where to start. The counselor will help you there.

Why do you feel you are losing your girls? Is he saying things to them? I know they see you and they know whats goin on. Maybe not the full extent, but they know enough. Talk to them privately. Ask them if you are feeling insecure if they are having a problem w/ you or if they are just acting out. Keep yourlines of communication open w/ your girls; very important. And no matter what they say to you... don't freak in front of them. It's ok to cry and tell them how you feel and what is goin on, but they do still look to you as their strength. Yep, hard as it is to believe, it is true.

Still holding you close and praying for you.

🙂

October 23, 2006
12:27 pm
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Hi ArmyLeo,

It is a relief to see you are posting. I am so glad you are alright. Well, OK, not very peachy keen, but there's some coping going on and that makes me very happy for you. Remember about baby steps. Someone else posted about the little things that you can do to help yourself.

If your H is suspicious about what you are doing on the computer and you feel he would react to learning about this safe place for you, maybe you need to spend a little computer time printing off some recipes or something to justify the time you spend on it.

I never grew up with physical abuse and there was no alcohol in the home. I know I was really blessed in this. However, I made choices as an adult and I think now alcohol is a main source/crutch/escape for so many otherwise resolveable problems in my life today.

In spite of that, depression is/has been around for all my immediate family members throughout. It's like a cloud of hopelessness that we learned, and we almost USE it or RESORT to it when we feel we cannot cope with things. Just like an alcoholic tends to do.

The woman our father married after severals years of being widowed did not seem to KNOW what depression was!!! She had this incredibly optomistic, opinionated, FIRE!! I'm serious. You felt obligated to put on a happy face around her. She sort of SHAMED everone into it.

If anyone complained about something, she'd asked how they planned to deal with that. You know, stuff like that.....so if you didn't have a clue, you still didn't want to appear stupid, so you'd try to come up with some sort of intelligent response. Honestly, it was that age-old thing about saying you weren't hungry and the parent telling you all about the starving children in China. Man, you ate, even if it tasted like cardboard.

She wasn't evil -- she just assumed and EXPECTED everyone to take responsibility. I avoided her opinions as much as I could, but I also GOT a tremendous amount of uplift and willpower and determination from knowing her. She DISMISSED depression. We saw them once or twice a year. I could not have handled her living in my same town. (I think she would have had us all scrubbing the sidewalks!!!) But she taught me some neat stuff and I think of her often when I'm so down that I'm barely functioning. I will still remember her ASSUMING I always felt too, that I was obligated to step up to whatever occasion.

I liked that I got respect from her even when I didn't feel deserving of it.

I think that is what we all get from coming and talking on these threads. So......please keep talking and thinking and sharing. Everyone here cares alot about you.

October 23, 2006
3:34 pm
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armyleo
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I guess this is too confusing because I'm posting on 2 threads. I'm loosing the girls because as I posted to MaStrong...They specially the oldest has started yelling at me.. telling me to "shut up and be quite" -yelling at me...I've lost it a couple of times and just tore into her,,, then we have this shouting match.

I feel horrible why can't I do this to my H, why do I take it out on her???

Then the youngest one is getting on my nerves, I try not to show it but if I don't do something that she wants she sulks right away or starts crying, makes me feel horrible....

I can't handle them right now...I can't handle myself...

I'm loosing them because he tells me "you will never get the girls... don't even try!!!" no-one would ever give them to you.

and reading the post on the other side about parenting tips, I think I am the worst mom ever... I don't think I have done any of what everyone says.

October 23, 2006
3:37 pm
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armyleo
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on top of that he just got off the phone and tells me I'm affecting his health and safety at work.. If anything happens to him it's because of me.. Because I can't handle anything at home, because I can't be a wife and mom, that he has to be after me all the time... If anything were to happen to him I would feel so guilty. that I put him in danger, because his mind wasn't on his job.

I can't go on with all this... it's bottled up and

October 23, 2006
3:48 pm
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nappy
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First of all Armyleo, your husband is not right and second are the girls seeing how he is treating you? Teenager girls does act like that because they are coming into being a woman but you are still there mother. Don't let them do you like that.
I really wish that you can pull yourself up and let it be none that you will not be treated like that and that you are the woman of the house.
I understand that you are hoping and wishing that things would change but we have to understand also that this is just the way it is and the only person that can change is you.
The way your husband is thinking is he is not thinking about you. Your kids love you but they is only seeing what there father is doing and they think that it is ok but it is not.
Please stand up for yourself or get out. I don't want to read that anything has happen to you. I wish that I could reach out to you and pull you through so that you can live the rest of your life in peace. Peace that god has for us not this. This is not living in peace it seem more like hell and that is not a place that you want to be. You are a good person and don't let no one tell you other wise. You do have strength and you need to find that strength within.
The will of god is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and alot bigger. Start reading John chapter 14, the beginning goes like this
DO NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLE.

October 23, 2006
5:08 pm
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bevdee
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Army,

Good to see you here. I read your last post, and wanted to tell you not to let him get to you. If he is saying things like this - "just got off the phone and tells me I'm affecting his health and safety,"

he is probably knows that he can work on your guilt. HE DIDN'T CARE IF HE AFFECTED YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY THE LAST TIME HE WHOOPED UP ON YOU, DID HE? Or the time before that?

Hang on to your clarity, sweetie! Don't let his bullying cloud your thinking.

Bevdee

October 23, 2006
5:14 pm
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smarterone
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If you are such a problem to his health, why doesnt he leave. You know why, cause no one would put up with his bull. He knows he has a good person that he is walking all over, because of her dedication, and fear.\Praying for your strength.

October 23, 2006
6:01 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Armyleo:

Please don't think me cruel for printing this, but I want you to see what happens when things get out of hand. Not only w/ adults, coz of your hubby is beating on you now, then what will happen when he gets angry at one of the girls. I realize your kids are older than this,,,, but the damage could be as severe. Again, please read and re-read and forgive me if it hurts. I want you to see. ...

Oct 22... is accused of critically injuring the child he was baby-sitting early Thursday. Authorities said became angry when the child did not stop crying. He shook her and threw her down, according to court records filed Friday. who joined the Police Department in 2003, has not appeared in court but was in custody Friday. His bond was set at $250,000.

He allegedly threw Alyssa down on a mattress and shook her, leaving her with brain injuries and a skull fracture, court records said. There were also bruises on her neck, back and forehead, as well as an adult bite mark on her left leg.

The girl underwent emergency surgery as doctors tried to relieve pressure in her brain. Although Alyssa initially seemed to improve, her condition worsened so much by Saturday that her father acknowledged she was going to die.

Oct. 23...A 28-year-old police officer who was charged with first-degree assault and abuse of a child is scheduled to be arraigned this afternoon in County Circuit Court. ... before Alyssa died Sunday at Children’s Mercy Hospital.

October 23, 2006
6:08 pm
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armyleo
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NO!! NO!!! He wouldn't!!!

Why are you showing me this??

OMG - NO!!

October 23, 2006
6:11 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Army i show you because i pray he would not. I pray he would not. but i also want you to see that the police officer did not get off. He did not walk. His buddies did not stand up for him. Army... you can get the help you need. Honestly you can.

October 23, 2006
6:16 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Armyangel:

I am sorry it hurts. I am sorry you don't want to see. I am sorry if you are angry at me; I understand if you are. I just want you to know that you can get help.

As for my posting this.... I prayed and felt I should. Please don't reflect your anger at me to anyone else here. They are good folks.

If you want me to not post you again then say so and it will be done. I do care about you and what you are going thru. And I am sorry you are hurting.

w/love,
mamaC

October 23, 2006
6:37 pm
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free
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Actually, army, teenage girls are almost ALWAYS given to the mom. If the mom is a crack-head not in re-hab, or if the mom is in prison, then they can go to the dad. you don't even have to claim abuse towards you. Teenage girls need their moms. No teen girl wants to tell dad she needs tampons, razors, has a yeast infection, or to have him go bikini shopping with her, or to ask mom about her boyfriend, sex, etc. Teen girls go with mom if at all possible.

So army, unless you're a crackhead, the girls are gonna be with you.

there's always a chance, I know, but lightning could hit me in the head repeatedly this afternoon as well. It's sunny here in Central CA at the moment, but hey, there's always a chance.

Your girls are destined to repeat this army. they watch, they learn, they repeat what you do, say, be. It's just how kids are.

You can change that. You can break this cycle. They can't. he won't. But you can.

free

October 23, 2006
10:10 pm
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Jenni
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Army, please come back here. There are people here who are trying to help you. And it may not be things you want to hear, but it's meant to help you. You have a thick wall built around you, with many trying to break thru that wall to get to you and your safety AND your children's.

Please don't take the advice here as offensive. Honey, you are going thru some denial, and I feel it's crucial for you to begin to look at some of these things. It will help you to accept the reality of it, and to take steps in assuring yours and your children's safety.

Please get back here!

October 23, 2006
11:32 pm
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ggfred4
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army, this is GG...just wanting a friend to talk to and hoping you are around...

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