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any relationship addicts out there?
July 21, 2005
8:58 pm
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star eyed
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so, i'm learning i'm a relationship addict? is anyone else? what do you know about it?

July 21, 2005
9:03 pm
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lita
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i feel addicted to bad relationships, most of the time i either get bored with people or i hold on to the ones i shouldnt

July 21, 2005
9:04 pm
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dgroovy1
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Star eyed, I would definetly define myself as a relationship addict. There are other names for it...codependancy, enabling, martyrism and self destruction. Wish I could offer an example of my success, but not yet, as luck would have it. I fear to leave my current relationship because I would immediately find another and the known is better than the unknown, at least I know what I am dealing with now. I believe first we must learn to be alone and love ourselves, the way I figure it, if we can master those things, the rest will be CAKE! Good luck and peace to you and yours.

July 21, 2005
9:04 pm
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dgroovy1
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Star eyed, I would definetly define myself as a relationship addict. There are other names for it...codependancy, enabling, martyrism and self destruction. Wish I could offer an example of my success, but not yet, as luck would have it. I fear to leave my current relationship because I would immediately find another and the known is better than the unknown, at least I know what I am dealing with now. I believe first we must learn to be alone and love ourselves, the way I figure it, if we can master those things, the rest will be CAKE! Good luck and peace to you and yours.

July 21, 2005
9:08 pm
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star eyed
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does the person you are with know you are a relationship addict? do you love that person?

July 21, 2005
11:03 pm
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ktydid
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i am definately a relationship addict. Just check out my thread on relationship advice. Yep I'm addicted. Afraid to be alone, afraid to go through the pain of saying goodbye. I want a relationship and to be loved so badly. Obsessed by it, why I should or should not be in it. I really love my bf, but at the same time, I'm not sur I get the things I should in it. Hes an alcoholic, afraid of marriage, not sure about my kids, etc. He really does care, but he'll probably never marrry me. But I stay, and probably will. until I maybe find Mr. right. But then again, will I ever, until I can love myself first. It's always torture inside. Relationship addictions are so real and so exhausting. You are not alone, and I feel better just knowing ther are other people out there, that understand. Everyone comes with issues, so this is just ours. We're ok. Its all in continuing to try to grow and forgiving ourselves where we fall down. I know my heart is in the right place, so I'll just keep on trying to do better. Good luck!!!

July 22, 2005
12:03 am
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exoticflower
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I am the person on the other end of a relationship addiction...it is hell, but I understand that it is as valid as an alcohol additcion, Drug addiction, codependancy, etc...kudos to you for reaching out and wanting help.

July 22, 2005
1:37 am
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on my way
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just posted a thread"wnatto aks you all to think about this before i saw this one...kind of the same thing but with a light bulb maybe?

July 22, 2005
5:56 pm
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withapureheart
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I'm a relationship addict, a codependant big time. It is the most painful experience I have ever felt. I am so insecure that I check up on him all of the time. I'm obsessed with it. It is physically and emotionally painful and I don't know which way is up. I sometimes feel like running as fast and as far away as possible. It doesn't help that he's a flirt, and when I first moved in I found dosens of phone numbers and emails. I still find them. the first several months of our relationship he was still chatting on the date sites. He only backed off when I caught him, and even then he lied to me about it. It took twice catching him. I've found notes and he is sometimes secretive about where he's going. Sometimes the phone numbers on his phone don't belong to anyone in he can remember. Maybe I'm just being stupid, because he is very loving and communicative. He's home everynight with me, and he doesn't spend time on the computer at night except for acceptable things...I don't know, I think I'm going crazy sometimes.

July 22, 2005
6:24 pm
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dustygirl
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for all us relationship addicts - try attending atleast 6 meeting of SLAA - Sex and Love Addicts Anon. I have been going for 2 months now and it is slowly changing my life in ways that I never thought possible. We are not alone in being addicted to bad relationships.

http://www.slaafws.org

July 22, 2005
6:45 pm
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dustygirl
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Characteristics of Sex & Love Addiction
Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.

Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.

Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.

We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.

We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care, and support.

We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.

We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.

We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.

We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.

To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.

We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.

July 23, 2005
12:20 pm
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withapureheart
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Well that would be me. Except I didn't have a lot of partners. But so much of that is true.
The good news is that I am in a recovery group, and I am working on the issues that brought me to this place. We do the 12 step program, and now we are on step 9.
Thanks

July 23, 2005
7:58 pm
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downinthedumps
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I'm totally like withapureheart. I'm always checking up on my boyfriend and I question him all the time. He said he feels like i'm his mother. I find numbers in his phone he says they are friends. But if they are friends why can't they call the home phone?

July 24, 2005
4:59 pm
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star eyed
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this is helpful-- what kinds of things do you talk about in these SLAA meetings? how has it changed your life?

July 26, 2005
12:25 am
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clayrains
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I think that most people right now that're in relationships, or at least a decent percentage of them, are relationship addicts. Why else would you see so many millions of dollars being spent on dating sites like match.com and e-harmony.

If I were to ever happen to meet someone I just couldn't get enough of, I'd marry them. But I think it's kind of ridiculous how some people will delude themselves into thinking they've found someone like that, when they really haven't, and will search high and low and cause themselves so much trouble just to purposely fulfill "destiny."

It's also annoying when your, perhaps well meaning, married friends co-workers and other older people I know act as if I'm not living right and doing something wrong because I'm 34 and am not married with kids or at least a steady girlfriend. It's insulting to me It may actually be the ones that are attached that are really "living wrong."

July 26, 2005
9:04 am
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dazed and confused
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Well I knew I was codependent but I guess I am a relationship addict to after reading these threads. how strange and familiar. I have the need of being loved etc. I am on my third marriage. Different packages same guy...strange. I thought I was going for the complete opposite that I had learned my lesson. My second husband, addict long hair tatoos physically and emotionally abusive. This one is clean cut alcoholic , not drugs so I thought it would be different. owns his own business. Now I take car of everything still and a business..yet I can't take care of myself enough to be out of this. Weird.

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