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any alcoholics out there that have lied and cheated.. why?
November 11, 2011
3:51 pm
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wireless28806
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I have met a sweet person, but they drink every night.  I have caught her in a few little lies.  Why do they lie and cheat?  Need some help please,...

November 12, 2011
3:58 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi wireless:  This is from the archives.  I noticed you're asking the same questions on different threads.  Hope this helps.  sd

 

 

angel4U
12-Feb-06

Found this on sober24.com and thought some of you would find it helpful ... if anything, I though it might help ease your questioning of yourself.

I found the comparison of an addict to a sociopath (aka - Narsiccist) to be quite interesting ... Maybe why some on this site are referring to alcoholics as Narcissists?

as an fyi - The recovering addicts/alcoholics on the sober24 site totally agree with what is said here ... and hearing directly from the horse's mouth (in this case, many horses' mouthes) rings loud for me ... =)

Love, angel4u

================ What Addicts Do

I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do.

You cannot nor will not change my behavior.

You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use.

When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

Anonymous

November 13, 2011
7:53 pm
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free
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Hi wireless,

 

I printed this out years back and put it on my fridge.  My then husband went absolutely ballistic. I found that interesting.  He tried to turn the table on me by saying I drink, etc. but I kept my calm, and asked him "when have I lied to you, stolen from you, cheated you, hidden things from you, betrayed your trust, sworn at you, belittled you, etc etc."   I used to ask the very same question as you:   "why?"  Never found an answer.  The part that stuck out most in this poem is the line "stop being surprised, I am an addict, and this is what addicts do."  Because I was always so upset when he would do these things.

 

The man I'm with now doesn't drink alcohol- if so, very rarely, and that works for me.  Maybe it's just about finding what will work for you.

 

free

November 14, 2011
11:10 am
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wireless28806
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Free... Thank you so much..  Did your ex cheat and lie?  My g friend constantly stares at guys, even when she knows I am looking at her.  It is very humiliating.  It is like a disease...  Is it the addiction to beer and pot?  Or just the personality?  She is very kind to me, but I dont trust her now...

November 16, 2011
7:11 am
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StronginHim77
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From what you have shared (on several threads), you know what you are dealing with (an alcoholic) and that the choice to remain entangled -- or break free -- lies entirely in your hands. 

I was in your shoes, some years back.  Kept posting agonizing question after agonizing question here on the threads, hoping (against hope and sanity) that someone here would give me a justification for staying in a very toxic relationship.  Bottom line:  No one could.  I was simply dragging my heels and indulging in "magical thinking" that -- despite all evidence to the contrary -- the relationship would work out, somehow.  I would not have to face the panic of LEAVING HIM.  AND BEING ALONE.

Face your fears.  Get counseling from a licensed professional, if you can afford it.  Find out WHY you are replaying the old dynamics with your alcoholic parent(s) with this woman.   Go to Al-Anon.  Go to CODA.  Take steps towards your own recovery, while mulling through this "waiting period." 

It will strengthen you.  And that's better than doing nothing.  Do something for YOURSELF.

-  Ma Strong

November 16, 2011
10:32 pm
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ShiningLight
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wireless28806,

 

Definitely because too much alcohol in the body and brain affects the behavior of the person as well. Alcoholics may suffer from anxiety, depression, anger and fears because they have concluded that substance like alcohol can help them and the only answer to their problems. I suggest that you submit her to an alcohol rehab facility or consult a substance abuse counselor so she can get the proper treatment she needs. If you don't trust her anymore then at least help her as a friend to obtain sober living and a new life away from addiction.

 

Hope that helps.

December 4, 2011
9:28 am
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wireless28806
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what addicts do...  I used to do some of those things.. Thank You.  I do not drink; I live a boring, happy life.  I now know what kind of person I used to be, and now, dont want to be ever!  Thank You....

December 7, 2011
7:39 am
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wireless28806
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hey everybody... Last night I left my girlfriend.  Too much has happened, and the feeling of anxiety, humiliation, stress, and her sarcastic attitude, has done enough to me.  I am now learning about empowerment, the new me.  I need to take care of me, and do what is right... be true to myself.. really true.  To go inside, and know what I really want, and need.  Not living to care for somebody, do for somebody, live for somebody who doesnt care about me, buit to do these things because I care for me...

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