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anxiety issues
May 18, 2006
12:13 pm
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clover
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September 29, 2010
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After 12 years of being married to a controling, self-centered man, I found myself having panic attacts and falling into depression. Realizing that my marriage was a large part of my problem, I asked my husband to go to counseling. After several months of his stalling, I just broke down - I could not stop crying, I was having chest pain and my entire body quaked. There was no way I could even drive, so I begged my husband to take me to our family doctor. When asked if I was under any emotional distress, I was afraid to answer with my husband in the room - I just froze, when what I wanted to scream was - I want a divorce! My husband, as usual, replied for me - saying that I was having a breakdown, that I was being irrational. The doctor prescribed prozac, telling me to try it and I would see things more clearly and feel much better about my life in about a weeks time. So, being a "good girl" I took the meds and within 3 days I was hospitalized with dibilitating migaines. It took me months to recuperate from all the drugs that were pumped into my body. When I finally regained my clarity, I decided to focus on me - my well being spiritually and physically. By this time my husband was hardly ever home and I had 3 children who needed me. After a year I was strong enough to tell my husband - it was counseling or divorce - 7 months later I found a lawyer I could afford and started the proceedings. My husband laughed - telling me I could never make it without him and no other man would ever want me. I didn't care aboout that, I kept my faith, and told him if he gave me custody of the children, he could have everything else. He gladly agreed and everything was set in motion.
During all of this, I had befriended a younger man (8years) who was going through some difficult times himself and we soon became best of friends . When my divorce became final we started dating and are now engaged! A happy ending.........one would think - but my insecurities and lack of confidence get the better of me- the feeling I am not good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. Sometimes I feel like my happiness is going to be ripped away from me in an instant. This becomes a serious issue with my fiance and I , he doesn't understand how I can know he loves me but still feel this way.......and neither do I.

May 18, 2006
12:22 pm
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taj64
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Oh my goodness! You came to the right place. You sound like such a sensitive warm soul. You are still hurt from the previous marriage, I can tell. I definately would try to work on yourself above everything. Try to get as much inforamtion as you can about this, read or even try individual counseling. You don't sound like you are loving yourself enough. You can do this though. None of us are perfect. Your fiance loves you the way you are so how about loving yourself the way you are. Accept imperfection and find ways to see humor in those imperfections. Concentrate on your strenghts and cultivate those rather than stay stuck in negativity. When you catch yourself in a negative state, turn it around and talk gently about yourself. You're so worth it in every way. Others see it so accept that it is true. I have read quite a few books that i get from library to help me in my quest for self esteem. Believe me, I have low self esteem as well and I am crawling out of it. Little by little if I have to and so far Im doing better. I can do this too. I am learning to accept me for me.

May 18, 2006
12:49 pm
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fireman38
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September 27, 2010
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clover, you are making some pretty powerful changes in your life, it is no wonder you feel the anxiety. I am also changing in my life, I have met a wonderful lady, yet when i feel myself changing in the relationship, i get scared and run...i don't know if i am in a healthy or un-healthy relationship, so i am putting some space between it, which feels way out of control....fears of losing her, she fears losing me, but i have to get myself figured out first. good luck to you!!! I beleive we love the people we are with, the question is do we love ourselves??

May 18, 2006
1:16 pm
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smarterone
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September 24, 2010
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I understand where you are coming from. Try looking at it that you are lucky that you have a new man who loves you and understands you. Obviously, he sees something in you that he loves. Ask him what it is and focus on that.

May 19, 2006
9:46 am
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clover
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Wow - thanks for all your responses, I am beginning to understand more each day about how important it is to learn to love yourself. I also am aware that my issues stem not only from an abusive marriage but even earlier - being raised as an unwanted child (my mother made that verbally and physically known each day of my life) made me desparate to find someone to love me - unfortunately desparation has you make poor choices and I found myself pregnant and feeling forced into getting married even though, I knew in my heart that wasn't what was right . My children are my greatest treasure , so something good did come from a bad situation. I just need to realize that this time in my life is totally different, that things do happen for a reason, that they will work out for me, and I do deserve the love that I now have in my life. Maybe then I can overcome this anxiety. Hmmm.....that seems so much easier said than done. It really makes a difference to have people who listen and understand where you are coming from -thanks again! Fireman38, smarterone and Taj64 - I hope you can fill me in on how things are going with you all as well!

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