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Answering the question of where my "husband" is when I'm a single mother
October 19, 2006
2:50 am
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Anonymous
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Hey everyone,

As many of you know on here I'm a single mom. My beef is this. When you see I am ovbiously not wearing a ring on my ring finger...why must you ask where my husband is??? (FYI...I left the C.A. when I found out I was pregnant...he abused me but sure ain't gonna touch my little one!!)

I try to make light of it and not take it personal that people ask me this but everytime I am flabbergasted. I understand nosy people will always be present in society but seriously...

I have come to the point of telling people "he died" when complete strangers ask me just to get them to shut up and feel stupid for asking such a personal question. Is that a terrible thing to do?

How do other single moms field these nosy questions? This time advice IS solicited...lol

October 19, 2006
3:13 am
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santino
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Funny you should mention this, I'm a single father and people do this 2 me all the time! 2day I took my kids 2 get their hair cut and the same lady who has been cutting their hair for years always ask the same question. Hows your wife doing? I know how you feel, it's so annoying, lol. I just usually say, shes doing fine and change the subject. 🙂

October 19, 2006
5:23 am
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revelation
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I'd be really annoyed if someone was so nosy...quite simply, its none of their business....I'd probably go with

A direct "I don't have one" then bow your head to the side, raise your eyebrows and smile as if to say "Got a problem with that silly baby?".

What a nosy question to ask...

There is another much ruder answer to the question...its one used quite frequently in Ireland when someone is being too nosy in asking where someone is....

Nosy person: Where is your husband?
You: Up my ass picking daisies!

Rev.

October 19, 2006
12:16 pm
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Anonymous
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HAHAHAHA

Yeah, I've been going with the I DON'T HAVE ONE and proceed to stare off into space thus ensues an uncomfortable silence...

OR

He died. Which also ensues an uncomfortable silence.

Of course, having kids seems to light up an invisible sign on my forehead:Please come up and ask away...anything goes! Feel free to give unsolicited advice!

I try not to let the nosies get to me but dang! I get so annoyed. And then when I get the pity look when I say I don't have one...I hate that. I don't need to be pitied for leaving the jerk. I need to be pitied for ever having been with him in the first place! LOL

I know its hard for many to fathom the idea of being single and raising a child, but in my case at least, it was the ONLY option. See How you fall prey to a Charmer/Abuser thread and that would have been my life with the dud. Blech!

Why oh why is there such a stigma attached to single parents here in the US? I just don't get it. Could be that I'm originally from Iceland where single mothers are the norm...but really ppl!

October 19, 2006
12:33 pm
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taj64
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Yes I think single moms in U.S. take a lot of heat when in reality they should be admired. It is a tough job to raise children by yourself and be responsible for all the things that two parent families do and split it up. And I feel that some look down on single parents as if they cannot do the job. I feel my kids came out better than a lot of kids that came from two parent families. And I really cannot stand the comments that single moms bring men in and out of their life when it come to dating. I mean really, everyone deserves a relationship as long as it is healthy and works for all involved, and it takes dating to find one. Im a single mom and I do not bring dates around unless we have dated awhile. Well those are my vents about it.

October 19, 2006
1:05 pm
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lovetocrochet
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I agree that is a rather nosy question. I don't ever remember getting asked that between my marriages... not even in Mass when it was clear it was just me and my daughter.

I actually got asked more often where my daughter was when it wasn't my weekend and I'd just smile and say "Oh she's with her father right now." People just went "Oh" right back and then minded their own business. It was such a non-issue that in reality I was freely disclosing I was divorced more than people asked me about it.

I like the Irish response - I can actually hear it being said with the accent and everything. Given I'm part Irish that appeals SO much to me... going to have to keep that one handy.

October 19, 2006
2:24 pm
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Anonymous
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Thats the thing, single parents should be admired not admonished. I don't mean to say that single moms are all martyrs, far from it. We make our mistakes like everyone else. But to be honest, sometimes I think it is EASIER to be single than to depend on anyone else, even if I was in a healthy relationship. So many moms I know do little else than complain about their husbands and lack of a helping hand. I don't have that problem because I'm the only to take care of my little guy and do the chores.
I get asked this question EVERY TIME I'm out with my little guy. Wouldn't bother me so much if it was once in a blue moon, but every time?!!
I guess some people never heard of the saying that some things are better left unsaid...or unasked in this case;)

October 19, 2006
3:04 pm
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gracenotes
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What an annoying question. I just read the other day that, in the USA, the percentage of married couples is less overall than the number of unmarried couples living together, single parents, and other family variations besides the traditional mom, day, and two kids. This is a change in the last few years. So, the married couples with kids are statistically the minority. Interesting.

October 19, 2006
4:51 pm
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bonni
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Maggalisa,
Why does this question bother you so much? The absence of ring doesn't necessarily mean you're not married. I am married and very often forget my ring.

I ask because I asked a new friend what her husband did and that's when she told me she was divorced. I never looked at her hand at all, so I don't know if she was wearing a ring.

bonni

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