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Another drunken weekend!!!
February 12, 2004
9:11 am
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Zinnie
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Hey Want,

Do NOT feel that way O.K. - your Dad loves you - enough to still want to kick someone's you know what for not loving and taking care of his daughter!

Little red LOUD boy is at it full tilt this morning. He is currently running laps through the house at top speed - leaping over Miss Pee Wee, with his alligator hanging out of his mouth. He jumped on the recliner so hard - he made it recline.

Would you like to borrow him for a bit?

Zinnie

February 12, 2004
12:59 pm
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yessienyc
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wanttobewell...you dont know me iam very new to the site (2mnths) I just wanted to say I am sorry your going through this.
[[[{{{besitos}}}]]]

lots of kisses.
yes

February 12, 2004
3:38 pm
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Wanttobewell
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Zinnie,,,he'd fit right in with 3 cats. I can see them know all fuzzed-up with backs arched, circling stiff-legged, ears back,,,scared to death but trying to fake out the LOUD one!!!

I had a long talk with my brother this morning, and he calmed me down (crying hysterically like some sort of deranged woman), and put the situation with my parents into perspective a bit more, saying that they only wanted my happiness, the one thing a parent cannot give a child. I love him so much.

Yessie,,I haven't been here too long either, but I sure am glad I found it. Have you had any "drunken episodes" to deal with? Hope you're doing well.

Zinnie,,hope you're feeling better!!

February 14, 2004
10:02 pm
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Hoopla
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How are things after this week? Any different, better, new insights?

Hoping you find happiness.

February 15, 2004
2:47 am
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kmshull
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My ex husband was the same way and I tried for years to "help" and "rescue" him. I only ended up feeling resentful and persecuted him for being unappreciative of the help and support I was trying to give him. Unfortunately, at the same time, I was looking to him to give me a sense of self-worth and let's just say, it was a quite unhealthy relationship. I ended up having to separate from him. I didn't know what else to do for my own sanity. I didn't propose divorce right away; I decided to let things be and see what happened. He said he wanted to stop drinking, but he didn't. I finally decided I didn't want to live like that and divorce would be the best thing. I certainly feel for you and your situation. You need to decide when enough is enough for you.

February 15, 2004
11:51 am
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Wanttobewell
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Hi all,,,Thanks again for the input. I've been working all weekend but ran out of reports a while ago. There is beer drinking going on, but that is not nearly so bad as when he drinks liquor. He hasn't been ugly or kept me from working. Right now asleep on the couch.

Zinnie, I did ask my dad on Friday about what he said regarding having children. He said he didn't mean anything negative.

Hoopla, I really don't any any new insight, just to be ready to take care of myself and assert myself. I thank you,,I wish you happiness also.

Kmshull,, My situation sounds a lot like the one you were in. I really don't see any hope for the drinking to stop for any significant amount of time unless his health really starts to go downhill and he has to stop or die. I know I was looking for validation from him, as I have from all of my past relationships. I realize that I have to validate myself. Now I see that I have been looking for validation elsewhere when all along I needed to give it to myself instead of depending on others. I'm sorry you had to end your marriage, but you decided how far you wanted to go with him and then got out. I don't want to generalize, but I've found that severe alcoholics most likely are not going to quit,,maybe they'll stop for a bit, but always start again at some point.

I believe I said something on the abuse thread about them being able to tell when you've had enough and begin to feel strong. They can just tell, and then their behavior becomes more humble, and they turn on some charm. It's become so predictable. Thing is I didn't LET myself see it before. But things have gotten to the point that the elephant in the living room has gotten so large that it must be addressed. I don't pretend not to notice things anymore in order to "keep the peace."

I will say what I will, and he will respond as he will. I am feeling stronger every day as I realize that I DO have choices. Not easy choices but it's all up to me really. Mom and dad have been calling me daily to check out how things are. Between them and you great, caring people, I realize that I'm really not alone at all. There are more friends to be made and time to spend with family instead of being at the beck and call of an alcoholic. Life is out there, and I'll find it. Not overnight, but I'm getting better.

We will see... W

February 15, 2004
12:34 pm
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Tumbleweed8
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Glad to hear you're doing better, W. I'm happy you have your parents in your support team. I know that means a lot.

February 15, 2004
5:01 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Want,

I agree with Tumbles I'm glad to hear that you have the support of your parents. As I said, I'm sure your Dad didn't mean anything negative towards you. It's hard to think of our parents as having lives in which we are not a part of isn't it?

It's always a surprise when I'm home to hear folks talk about the work my Dad has done on their cars or motorcycles. His "hobby" since retiring is refurbishing old cars and Harley Davidson's. It was something he has always enjoyed, but now he makes tons of money doing it. But, it's so far removed from him being "my Dad" - does that make sense?

I talked to my friend this morning, and she is thinking of leaving her husband, but she does not have a job. I told her to come to work tomorrow, and I will begin the paper work on her back ground. If she is cleared - which is won't be a problem, then I can hire her to work for me. But, again it's still hard to see him doing this to himself.

Just know that you also have support here... you are not alone in your fight.

Love,

Zinnie

February 16, 2004
6:23 pm
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sosos
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Wanttobewell...How's it going? When I read your posts, I think...how does she do it? But, that was me, except add drugs to the mix. The ex was in for 5 days, has drove me crazy calling because "he has no one", and has now been released (which became it's own nightmare yesterday, one more chance to ruin something for me and my kids) and has no results. Other than they talked to him about a transplant list, and SSI. He continuosly talks about his death, and letting him die, not only to me, but to our son. I hate him for that. It was a bad weekend, guess this isn't a place for me to vent, so thank you. Is he a hard liquor or beer guy, don't know what difference it makes, just curious. Take care of yourself, always. That was the most important thing I could have done. But right now, I am so sick and tired of hearing how strong I am, seems like I've heard that all my life. For once, I wish someone else could take over and be strong for me, and let me fall into them.

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