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Anorexia
July 30, 2007
3:02 pm
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anabella
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I have struggled with anorexia now for almost 20 years. On and off at times. Even in "recovery", I have days that I struggled with thoughts of starving. I am currently falling back into that pattern. HELP!

July 30, 2007
3:17 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Annabelle,
I saw your post and immediately called a friend of mine to find out what to tell you. She runs a discussion group for parents of anorexics and is hesitant for you to visit the site because if you have no one helping you it can send you in the other direction. She has found help for her daughter who is weight restored and she has taken her to Chicago to a lab there and have her on a vitamin and mineral regiman. I am sure you know you are deficient in these areas because of your anorexia. She offered for me to give you her email address and have you contact her and she would help you find the help you need. I don't know the regulations here. I perhaps could send it to the person in charge of this site and they could forward it to you for anonimity. Please don't go through this alone. My best friend since 3ed grade still suffers from it.
Know that I am out here and thinking about you. If I can help you get help I will find a way.

Bitsy

July 30, 2007
3:51 pm
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anabella
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Thank you Bitsy. I began restricting my food intake and being obsessed with my body since I was 12. It has been a struggle! I have been in and out of therapy for some time now. I appreciate the help...I don't know how it works either in regards to emails and stuff. I have never been on this site until today. I do have people around me who could support me, but I do not share with them much. They are clsoe enough to me though that I can't get away with significant weight loss. I am "small" to begin with; when I restrict I get skeletal, so it really shows! I am in a funk and can't seem to find my way out. Any help would be good!

July 30, 2007
5:13 pm
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euqcaj
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I have had experience with both bulemia and anorexia. I am so glad that Bitsy could give you some information. I struggles with these issues for 25 years. At one point the doctor said if I lost 3 more pounds I would be hospitalized,...that was 30 years ago. I weighed 98 pounds, 5'3". I am now healthy, I exercise regularly and I weigh about 115. Food is a pleasure to me now, it wasn't always that way. It took prayer, a strong desire, will power, and counseling to get to where I am at now. There is hope and I will be hoping for you. euqcaj

July 31, 2007
9:56 am
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anabella
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Thank you, euqcaj.

I am 5'0 (and 31 yrs old); my lowest weight was 78 pounds 3 years ago. I am now about 105. My weight has fluctuated from 78 to 120, but has mainly stayed at the very low end. I also have two little girls that keep me motivated to stay healthy. I am "ok" physically: I eat fairly well, I exercise "normally", but mentally...that is a completely different issue! I can't seem to get the thoughts (voices) out of my head. The person I see in the mirror is not me at all, based on what people tell me anyway. How do I get past the distortion and the voices???

August 1, 2007
11:39 am
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StronginHim77
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I responded on your other thread.

- Ma Strong

August 1, 2007
12:25 pm
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HARRYO
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It' been a while since I posted on this site. I don't know if what I have anorexia, but I know that it is
an eating disorder. I am a man 59
years old. Being thin has always been a badge of honor for me and
a big part of my self worth.
My problem began when I was 55 and
I fell very hard and very quickly for a woman who became unavailable to
me because she became involved
with a married man. I was devastated
and lost a lot of weight becaus I
couldn't eat. I totally detached
from her, and when she reached out
to me for a friendship only relationship i reluctantly agreed.
I started working out again and gained
the weight back with hopes that I
could get her back the way it was.
We saw each other a couple of times a week for the next few years and the
only times it seemed that we were
intimate was around the holidays or
at weddings or after parties with her
closest friends. I always suspected
that she was still seeing him
but I settled for what she would give
me.
In early May I started in a relationship another woman and I fell
head over heels with. The woman
that wanted my friendship cried
and said that she wanted me to stay in her life because I was her best friend.
The next time I saw her I confronted her about the "other man" and my
anger got the best of me and now she doesn't ever want anythin to do with me. This happened in Mid May and
i was fine with it because with my
new love I felt a sense of empowerment and liberation, because
the honesty and the healthy emotional
feeling seemed like it was sent by my higher power.
In early JUly my new girlfriend became sick and jaundiced, and at
first we were worried that it was heaptitis or something. She has
been diagnosed with bile duct cancer
and all prognosis seem bad so
far. this woman is such an
inspiration to me because she is o honest and pure and brave.
I am upset and I have lost about 15 pounds because watching her sick and wither away has my stomach tied i9n a knot where I can't eat and I am relly
depressed. Being codependent and
I can't rescue her is depressing the
hell out of me.
Just like I obsessed to be able to get the other one back someday I am
obsessing about getting some miracle cure to help cure my new love.
So from a middle aged man's perspective I think anorexia is a
function of obsessing to try to change
things that we are powerless over and
not being able to accept them.
I remember when I was a teen ager and
I had this recurring dream about being trapped in a naroow stairwell
and ascending a set of step[s and a door opening only to another hallway and another set of sets, the door opening and more of the same untill I woke up in a cold sweat. This feels
like the nighmare that I am living now.
I am so thankfull that my new love
even though she may be terminal with only a short time to live has
shown me that I don't have to settle
and honesty and what you value about yourself are the positive affirmations
that will heal you and set you free.
I am praying toi get my appetite back
and want a miracle for her to recover
from the grips of her insidious
disease, and have the courage to beat
the codependency that is eating
my insides up like her cancer.

August 1, 2007
1:22 pm
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StronginHim77
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HARRYO -

Different people respond to grief and loss of "control" in different ways. Some eat to excess and GAIN weight; others lose their normal appetite and LOSE weight.

When my late husband became seriously ill, then died, I dropped nearly 40 lbs. in just a couple of months from the grief, stress and loss of control over my life. I think this is normal and can happen to most of us (either gaining or losing dramatically, when dealing with such traumas).

I wouldn't overly worry about your weight loss. It is quite understandable. My heart goes out to you for what you are enduring. It is tough to help someone we love to die.

Just remember, the parting is TEMPORARY. I hope that brings you some comfort.

- Ma Strong

August 1, 2007
5:03 pm
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euqcaj
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How do you get rid of the distortion and voices? Time, building your own selfworth, determination to stay on "the right track" even when you don't feel like doing it, for me it was bulemia. It was an awful cycle I was in and it wasn't until I finally made a decision to get well and trusted in God to guide me, that it became a reality. That was 16 years ago. I knew I had to do it and I truly wanted to in my heart. It was NOT easy but I decided. To this day sometimes I look in the mirror and see myself as fat. I just remember I'm exercising appropriatly, eating well, and I actually am what I should way. So I suck in my stomach, stand up straight, and walk away from the mirror and the scale. I weigh myself once a month, on the same day, in the morning. If I'm starting to gain a couple pounds, I know it, and I just cut back a little bit on something. And low and behold, next month I'm on my target weight! It is possible. I would be happy to be ther for you. euqcaj

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