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Angry!
November 24, 2005
11:19 pm
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joyful1
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I'm angry that I am not strong enough to keep my boundries in check and be strong enough to see him through his addictions at the same time! It was easier to just leave him after repeated attmpts to convince him to stop. I am angry that he loves his substances more than me, his children, and himself! I am angry that I am angry and I want it to stop!!!!

November 25, 2005
10:13 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Joyful,

Have you started taking some simple but practical actions to prevent the situation from getting worse?

Be it thru literature, coda meetings, support groups, seeking counseling...do whatever it takes to improve this situation. Otherwise nothing changes if nothing changes.

There is good book about boundaries called "Boundaries in marriage" by Dr. Henry Cloud. Also, "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie.

There are so many meetings to help break down the cycle of addiction, such as AA, coda, 12 steps etc.

Invest in everything useful your hand can get hold of that will improve and make your life more healthy and happy.

A journey of 1000 mile starts with one single step. Start that step today!

~All the best!~Ras

November 25, 2005
10:20 pm
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exoticflower
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((((joyfull))), I would be angry too. DO you go to Alanon or some such? Your anger is justifiable and completely apropriate, but it would help to have a way to channel it or know how to use it to heal yourself where you have been hurt.

November 26, 2005
1:56 pm
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joyful1
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No, I don't go to any type of support group. I do try to channel my anger but, it isn't enough. I have decided to start a weight loss program to get myself healthy again however, I am afraid that I will go to fast and lose too rapidly out of my agression. I also plan to stop smoking too. I know how to take one day at a time, I just don't know what to do with this anger without being destructive to myself. If I could afford boxing lessons that would probably help alot, however, there isn't any place around me that offers them. I want to beat him for being soo stupid.

I am soo angry, I feel like I could go to Iraq and take on the war all by myself with the aggression I hold. I would be a foolish thing to do knowing that I would be fighting a loseing battle.

If I give my agression to my higher power, I become angry with him for not giving me the power to deal with it. So, I rationalize with the fact that he has given me that power but, I am angry becasue I don't always know how to utilize it. Meaning I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Is this messed up or what?

November 30, 2005
11:58 am
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Dear joyful

I just read this thread, then did a site search with the one word "anger" and came up with alot of the old threads I remembered that discuss anger. One, "Is anger a secondary emotion", was very eye-opening for me.

There were a lot of helpful suggestions given.

November 30, 2005
12:42 pm
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Lass
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Joyful 1,

I saw an ad recently at Play it Again Sports for a hanging punching bag and speedbag combo for under $200. I plan to get one for Christmas for all of us to be sent to work out on when we are out of sorts. Call it our therapy workout. I have always wanted one of these, cuz' sometimes you just want to hit something....

LL

November 30, 2005
12:59 pm
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kathygy
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Joyful,

Your anger is well warrented. I find that I need to feel my anger fully and completely before it diminishes. Making it wrong only makes it worse. What you resist, persists.

The best place for me to work on my anger is in therapy. I find it helps a lot to yell and scream and say everything you want to say to your husband with a completely supportive audience.

One phrase that helps me a lot is "How dare you ...!!!" in a very angry voice while walking toward the person and pointing my finger while I say this. Of course, the is only imagined to be there. But I have realized a lot of anger this way.

However, being angry at yourself is never helpful. Rather, see if you can find some comapassion for the wounded child in you who didn't learn that she had the right to set boundaries.

December 1, 2005
12:56 am
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lost and found
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sometimes getting angry is a good sighn. it is probably about time. it shows you are starting to engage healthy boundries. good luck and blessings always.

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