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angry management
September 10, 2001
11:34 pm
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mercedes
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Me and my boyfriend have been living together for 9 years. I love him with all my heart. He has two kids and I have one. His kids really back talk alot to me. I have raised them since they were two and four. Me and his son don't get along most of the time.They get into my stuff all the time and when I confront them with it their response is oh I didn't know.But they keep doing the same thing over and over and all they say is they forgot. So when I get on to them their dad steps in and gets mad at me.There are so many things that make me angry that I can't list them all.They play me and their dad against one another all the time. and they will lie right to his face and he believes them even after I have told him the truth. My boyfriend says that I am angry all the time and that I need to take a angry management class. But I think if I would get more support from him I wouldn't be mad as much.What do I do? Do I really need to go to this class? Or do I just tell him to find someone else?

September 11, 2001
7:03 pm
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Molly
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You have good reasons to be angry, he is not supporting you. I would suggest counseling, some one that deals with blended families. tell him to manage that.

September 11, 2001
7:43 pm
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C-Bear
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I'd say find someone else. If he got children that don';t wanna listen tell him that. His little "angels" are not what they seem to be when he's there. And a rule of thumb, my Mom always told me she'd believe an adult before the kids. So he should have no reason to believe children over an adult. You know what happened to me when I acted up at that age, I was beaten. My uncle was engaged to a woman I'll call Zizi. I was jumping on her bed one time when I was seven playing around and I broke the frame. She snatched me up, put me over her knee, and beat my butt so bad that I couldn't sit for days, and she told my mother. Then, I got another whipping from my mother. Where has the old fashion values gone? In my day when an adult told you to do something, you did it and you knew that they'd whip you if you didn't. It seems to me he doesn't value discipline or his children whouldn't act that way. Now, he's blaming everybody but the right body, himself and if he doesn't wanna do his job and wants to take his guilt out on you maybe he should find someone who'll put up with it. But, tell him, you're not the one. I tell all of my friends that whether or not they discipline their children, they won't come to my house acting up because I will beat their butts like their my own children and then tell their parents I did it. Once again I ask you, what happened to the days when we all had the same values? Now, noone wants to do right. I hope it works out. And as for the anger management class heck no, you don't need it, he needs to take a parenting skills class to deal with his little brats, that's what that is.
He's simply blaming everybody but the right body.

September 12, 2001
1:20 pm
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Molly
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I swear divorced dads with custody are the most difficult breed. There is often so much baggage that comes with them that they can't see the forest through the trees, and the same with divorced moms, with the dad on the other end of things, They need to be worked out with the parents, all four of them if necessary other wise the inmates take over the institution. As the step mom, nothing you say will carry weight, unless you get back up, from their mother, your husband, or a counselor.

September 13, 2001
12:19 am
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mercedes
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Thank You for responding to me I feel sometimes that I am going crazy. I have a 14 year old son and me and his father is devoirced he lives in florida and my son only gets to see him during the summer. He seems to be okay with that but I know it is hard. He's a really good kid well mannered very polite and is a really good student in school. I wood really like to get his kids to that point but they just don't care. Why? Because nobody makes them care. I had a insident tonight where his son had a current event due in science tomarrow which is thursday and he told his dad that it wasn't due until friday. Now my son had the same science teacher for two years and I knew they were always due on thursdays. Tell me thats not playing his father.
Any way getting back to your responses they were great. I agree about with the whippens I got my share but my dad or mom never beat me. I have whipped my son. But I don't need to now. He likes to do alot of things like talk on his computer,skate board and go to his friends house so its real easy to punish him. I just take away one of his privalges and that works better then anything. The other two kids they don't care they just wait until noone is home or they use the excuse I forgot. I hate those words because everything is I forgot and their dad thinks just because they forgot that it is okay. So they use the words all the time to get out of trouble.
On the other response about leaving. If I left I would have to go back to the east coast because that is where I am from. I could not make it out here in Califonia by myself. And my son only has four years left in school before he graduates. He does very well and I do not want anything to mess him up as far as getting high honors in school. I don't think he could handle that leaving his friends and school. So I will stick it out for him. It makes me angry that I have to be put in that situation. Me and my boyfriend get along great. Our arguements are not about us and our relatioship its over his kids.As far as getting support from his mother that will never happen because she resents me for raising her kids.(but she didnt want them and still doesn't)Her son has begged her to let him come live with her but she tells him no. She says you and her are going to have to learn to get along. Isn't that something to tell your son.That is alot of his problem but he doesn't have to take it out on me and his father doesn't have to let him eather. I have told him on accassion that he was a bad parent. He spent no time with his kids and he didn't care what they do as long as they stay out of his hair.
I will write back soon I think he is comming. Thanks again and keep giving me your input.

September 13, 2001
4:05 pm
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Molly
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I fought that war for years, and simply surrendered. it is a useless battle, and I think unfortunately in the best interest of your son, that up rooting him right now would be hard. So, choose your battles wisely, make a plan, save your money, and keep sane. its hard to ignore some things, but if he can, and as long as they stay out of your hair, let it go. You can't help someone that doesn't know or want help.

September 13, 2001
8:24 pm
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mercedes
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Thanks molly your words are really helpful. My son means everything to me and I will do anything to make him happy. He stays gone alot over his friends house so he doesn't have to listen to the kids bad mouth me. He is 5"11 and 180 pounds and he will kill them. He has already gotten onto the boy. He pinned him down on the floor and started pounding him in the head where he had a big knot on his forhead. I thought my boyfriend was going to kill him. He never put his hands on him but he yelled at him alot. I told him he was lucky that his son was still alive because my son has heard enough and he is not going to let them talk to his mother like that anymore. But now I let him stay at his friends house so he doesn't have to listen to it.
To change the subject to about leaving. Me and my boyfriend just had a dicusion the other day about that. He owns a business that we both started together its a machine shop. He does the machining and I do all the office work and the packaging and the deliveries and the pick ups and the kids and the laundry and opps I got carried away.Well you get the picture. He was telling me the other day if your not happy then why don't you leave I told him I will leave when he gives me 130,000.00 dollars I would be out of his life for ever and he hung up on me. He didn't mention it again. I wander why? Any way it really helps to talk about this so thanks so much for being there. I'm not the type that would rake someone over the coals I just would want my fare share and concedering what I have been through I think that amount is nothing. Just get me started a new life. But I hope it doesn't come to that.

September 13, 2001
8:38 pm
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Molly
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I sure hope you have your name and social on paper. I some what made the same mistake, took over running my mates business. Bad move. Nothing in writing. Tax games. That is why I try to keep it all on the up and up despite the disagreements. i still have a way to go, but not as nieve this go around.
Violence is not acceptable. Gotta find a better way, although you want to stick around for your son, you both need to be safe, and secure. your in a hard place.

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