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anger and negativism
August 13, 2001
4:40 pm
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lilacs
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Where do you turn when someone you love suffers from anger (although not physically abusive), depression and severe negativism? My dad is 72 and has tried paxil, zoloft, prozac all to not avail. If anything he seemed worse. He is a kind loving giving man but these emotions are taking over his life.

August 13, 2001
7:12 pm
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Molly
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Hey, he is getting older, and realizing his limitations, and most likely damn pissed off about it. You can't see, can't jump out of bed, all your friends are passing away, loosing your memory and aware of it, looking forward to board and care, meds are not going to help.
Did you know one of the closet alcoholic problems we have today is the elderly?
What is his social life like, health in general, does he have any motivation at all, is there a place where he can feel useful? Is mom still around? aging sucks, and watching it for you with his decline in health, is very hard. There are support groups out there, does he or you go to one?

August 13, 2001
9:11 pm
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Alena
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Lilac, everyone reacts to aging differently I suppose. I can agree with Molly though, I've seen parents,aunts, and inlaws reach that great number of 72 and it has affected them all the same in that they had a hard time coping with some part or another. Father in law was cool, but kept saying how totally unprepared he was for the changes of old age, but he remained always in good spirits even taking care of his ailing wife. My dear gramma died at 86 and never once did I ever hear her complain or speak badly of anyone.
The others slowly got crankier and crankier the older they got.

Is your dad in relatively good health otherwise? I try to put myself in my mom's shoes, she'll be 80 this month. She is always anxious or depressed or worrying about something that I just can't understand, so I try to feel what she feels when she goes to bed at night or wakes in the morning. She is so fearful of everything...it hurts to see her that way. But I think if I was that age, would I worry that each day may be my last? It's fact of life that we are all heading for the great beyond,that's the plan, never fails. So it stands to reason, the older we get the closer it gets. Has to be a scary thought, has to make you impatient and touchy, ...depressed.
Does he have any outside interests? Anything to make him feel "needed", useful? I know when my mom spends too much time around the house, she gets more and more depressed....need to get out and be a part of the world.
It aint over till it's over....they need to know that and stay spirited, stay a part of the family, they need to keep "giving" of themselves too, ya know?

August 19, 2001
10:37 pm
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lilacs
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Molly and Elena,
Thanks for taking the time to reply. You both helped put things in perspective. My Dad always did dread the idea of getting old, even when he was quite young so of course he would handle the real thing harder than someone else might. Also you mentioned his social life. My Mom has always enjoyed a quiet life and I see him needing socialization more and more as he ages.
I wish I could help the severe negativism that he suffers from. It seems to invade all areas of his life. I will try to keep in mind all you had to offer. Thanks much! Lilacs

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