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And then he was gone....................
February 6, 2006
11:46 pm
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starfire
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Been having serious issues with by bf lately. I posted about him not being able to let go of his ex. Well, as of lastnight night, we discussed the situation at hand and had it taken care of. I need to be a stronger women and not let this other women bother me as long as he includes me in on his relatiohship with her. Do not try to hide it from me. I told him lastnite I am giving him a free ticket out. If he wants to go then go, no fight from me, ALl i want is some honesty. We agreed on the terms of what their relationship should consist of and that i needed to be a part of it and he agreed claiming he has nothing to hide. NO problem. We were going to move on with our relationship, tomarrow is our 2 yr anniversary. Well, to make a long story short, he got a call from his senior officer, he is in the National Guards, tellilng him he is now on alert and they should be going to Iraq in the next 30 days. Geez, when it rains it pours i guess!!! I asked him what next, and he doesn;t know, he has a lot to think about. Yet, so do I. DO i want to put the next 2 yrs of my life on hold for this guy, not knowing where it will lead. We have discussed our furture before, he said that i am the one he wants to be with, that i just need to give him time. You see, he was married twice before to the same women, and had alcoholic parents. DO i really want to put my life on hold, or should i let him go and move on?

February 7, 2006
1:42 pm
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kathygy
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star,

I really don't like it when a man says 'give me more time'. How much time???

I have had this said to me and it seems like it never gets to the point of where I want things to be.

I think your bf needs to be 'there' already. Rather than putting yourself on hold while he figures it out.

You could stay in touch with him but not limit yourself to him until he can make a firm committment.

February 7, 2006
2:03 pm
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gingerleigh
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Oh my god, Starfire, please take it from someone who has been there and done that... I had a rocky relationship for two years with my ex, and then he got deployed to Iraq so we got married lickety split before he left. Worst decision I could have made. We filed for divorce less than a month after he came home. I put my life on hold for 18 months. I wasted my late twenties on a guy who was NOT worth it.

The Universe is trying to tell you something by taking this guy out of your immediate circle for a while.

Please, whatever you do, don't make the same mistake I made. You don't have to close the chapter on him completely and tell him it will NEVER be, but don't play the role of wife/girlfriend left stateside and pine away for a year and a half and then have it all fall apart on you when he returns.

Are my own experiences clouding my message to you? You bet they are! He was always so secretive about things before he left, just unavailable at times and would forget about my feelings, and defensive if ever I brought up how I felt. And in 18 months that he was gone, you know how many letters I got? Six. That's right, approximately one letter for every three months he was over there.

Don't let him play the card of "I'm getting deployed and I need you to support me while I defend our country, Baby" bullshit. Please, please, please...

February 7, 2006
4:07 pm
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classof77
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Star,
I don't know your boyfriend. I have, however, used the I want to be with you but I need more time line in my own relationship. Why? because I need more time. It isn't that I don't care, about my friend (sorry, have a problem with the word boyfriend). He is a person not a boy this or that.

I have been married twice wasted my 20s, 30s and part of my early 40s on men. I have things to do on my own now. These things have nothing to do with the opposite sex, but entirely to do with my own personal success. I just don't want to be responsible or "tied" to some one at this point. Granted I am not being deployed in the military. However, my son is stationed in Korea for the next year. His wife is living in West Va. near her family. They have survived his deployment to Kuwait. His being home for a year and now gone again.

Also what exactly in your life will you be putting on hold for the next two years? I guess my point here is why is this such an all or nothing situation? Is there some reason why you both can't remain in the relationship taking things as they come and living your lives? Don't know if any of this helps but you must do what feels right in your gut. Take care.

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