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And I THANKED HIM?? what the hell
January 21, 2005
1:39 pm
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Anonymous
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Of course you can lean on me if you ever need to, you are just what I need right now and I hope i can be what you need if you need something.

January 21, 2005
1:41 pm
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Cici
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Yeah, when I was miscarrying and going through labor in the ER, when I really needed my ex....he was smoking crack and getting high with his buddies, possibly with the girl he was seeing while I was pregnant.

It hurts.

I think that thses men are simply not capable of empathy. Like we agreed before, they were broken at one time and healed wrong.

I have given up wanting anything but peace and quiet and to be left alone by my ex. It took about 2 weeks of painful no contact, and me falling off the wagon, to get here.

It hurts to try try try try to manipulate/control/beg/plead/force/help someone into being healthier and better. It hurts so much to try and give so much of yourself, only to be rejected in the end. When I think of the last time I saw my ex, the cold, closed look in his eyes....

January 21, 2005
1:43 pm
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DTEE
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Thanks Aces.... I will be checking in during the weekend. Keep your head up We'll talk soon.

January 21, 2005
1:44 pm
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Aces,

I know you have had your ups and downs with Mr. Jack and I am happy for you getting thru this rough pain and emotions. You will, you're doing great!

I am so impressed at your last comment about how you handled it and saying thank you. I see it as not being weak, but that you have embraced this experience. Sometimes we can get to a positive place where we can appreciate the life experience it has given us, even if it was a bad experience. You should be proud of how you handled this!

(((many hugs)))),

Sew

January 21, 2005
1:57 pm
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I know but I didn't thank him for anything but being strong enough to end it. It hurts so much at times, and other times I feel like I will be fine. I know one thing, I do not have an urge to call him. And that is good. I need to make sure I don't start to miss him because that is when I start thinking it was all rosy and great when in reality it sucked ass.

Cici- it sucks being rejected, and then the worst part sometimes and I know I am so guilty of this is that I was never really done because I never knew if he was going to be done, sounds sad doesn't it. And it wasn't until I said doesn't matter this time if he comes back or not, I won't do it again.

Secretly and I know this is wrong, but I want Mr. Jack to come back to me, when I am completely over him or something and where I don't want him and he will want to be with me, and say how much he missed me and needed me in his life, and I will say you had your chance.

January 21, 2005
3:11 pm
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But until then I work on me, and take satisfaction in the fact that in the end I have no more abuse. Because as much as can and want to deny it, it was abuse.

January 21, 2005
3:21 pm
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sewunique
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Aces,

I know. And that took strength and real growth on your part. To thank him, maybe some day this will ring in his ears. But no matter. By him being forward with you, you heard him say it, what you needed to hear. Many times we do not get that, but I am glad you did so you have the satisfaction of hearing it. Saying it was abuse is hard, but in the right step. Down deep I knew my STBS was abusive and it helped writing it here over andover. But then I would turn around and question if it really was. I am getting better at it. Lst nite I was ready to post about it as I was feeling like it was my fault, was I doing the right thing? Then I knew the answeer and it got easier. wouldn't it be wonderful to just get over these things and move on quickly with our lives rather than going back and forth with this agony? There is hope. We can get better, we shall overcome this monster of coda. I will be glad when that day comes.

Sew/C

January 21, 2005
3:32 pm
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Anonymous
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Okay so what is STBS?

January 21, 2005
3:33 pm
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sewunique
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ooops,my typing. sorry that was STBX, or; Soon to be ex husband

January 21, 2005
3:55 pm
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Anonymous
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OHH okay I get it, I was trying to figure it out and then figured I would just ask instead of hurting my brain anymore than I have to ha ha.

I still don't know if Mr. Jack was abusive or not, I think and hear he was but a part of me thinks that if I hadn't done what I had done, then it wouldn't have gotten that far.

January 21, 2005
4:02 pm
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CAMER
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yes, what is STBX??? not very good with code words on computers....

Aces, thanking him was not back, it just showed how much character you have, and basically thanking him for
something that helped you too...recognizing that maybe being with him you felt alone, and now without him you feel alone...I think you are just better off without him all & all...no more phone calls, etc..time to move ahead.

You had so many responses on this thread & must know that we are all here supporting you thru this, and I truely believe Mr Jack just needs to
be "let go"....you have grown so much in the past Aces, and have been there to support me too...and I hope that things go well for you, this is change, and for that...change is good.

I wish you peace & comfort...love, camer

January 21, 2005
4:09 pm
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Thank you Camer, it was hard, it has been hard, because in all honesty I have heard this before from him and to me I have never "let go" because it has all seemed like just a game he played, but this time, no more playing not for me, I don't have to win them all and this is definitley one game I cannot win.

I will always be here for you as well if you need me Camer, I think that you have been there since the beginning such a long time ago. It just hurts so much knowing that I could have prevented this a while ago you know.

January 21, 2005
4:20 pm
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CAMER
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again Aces, this is just change, and its change for the better. Yes, sometimes we wish we could do things sooner than later...but its all a learning lesson in life. Now is the time to put you as #1 and no more Mr. Jack.....and totally "letting go" is hard. Just know you have soooooo many people here who love and support you!!! and we will help you get thru this the whole way, just keep coming back and posting....and lets not talk about Mr. You know who...he is just bad news!!! (((love ya))) camer

January 21, 2005
4:59 pm
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Anonymous
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Yeah well change sucks, but it is what is needed to make things unsuck so to speak. Mr. Jack can jack off.

January 21, 2005
5:03 pm
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sewunique
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whooooops, now that was funny! Keep venting!!! What are you doing for yourself this weekend? There are some great movies at the theatres right now....S

January 21, 2005
5:31 pm
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Which movies? I want to go snowboarding, I have a paper to work on, I was thinking of going up to see a friend in another city close to here, I am not sure. I know I won't call him that is not what is hard anymore, what is hard is just dealing with the pain.

January 21, 2005
6:20 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Aces & Spades,

All I can say is WOW!!! You have grown so much sronger than you were just a few weeks ago. I am really impressed! Wish I had your gumption. (sp?)

I'm truly happy for you. I know you still hurt, but hey, you are soooo much further ahead of a lot of people on here that have been trying "to let go" (me included)that you should be happy with what you have accomplished.....the pain will fade, especially now that you're done talking to him 🙂

January 21, 2005
6:22 pm
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I am just excited for that month marker when I can say thank god that I am over this. I truly hope that he doesnt' try to contact me either, and respects my wishes enough, I think he will, since obviously this is all his idea, but I know that my resolve does tend to go to the shitter when he does call and that is what always breaks me. Therefore that is why I told him OUT OF MY LIFE, I need that. And if felt sooo GOOD to say, it was like a big brick lifted off my chest.

January 21, 2005
7:36 pm
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DTEE
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Stay strong Aces... Get through this weekend w/o any contact. If he calls don't answer it....Promise? You will feel great on Monday after you do this. That is only a few days....you can do it. I will do it too. It seems like you have had a much better day today. It only gets better.... I am heading home soon. If we don't talk soon, have a great weekend. I will check in over the weekend. Big props to you Aces :o)

January 21, 2005
7:51 pm
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CAMER
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(((hi Aces, my thoughts are with you thru these tough times)))))) lotsa hugs your way, you are so much stronger than you will ever know.

January 22, 2005
8:13 pm
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DTEE
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Aces ..... How you doing today? I hope you are out having a good time or treating yourself to something special.......Thought I would check in w/ you. I am hoping to hear how great you feel on Monday after no contact for the WHOLE weekend. Stay strong. You can do it. Talk to you on Monday.

January 22, 2005
8:28 pm
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Alegab
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Wow its unreal how many of us have gone through the same thing. These guys don't care two s---- about what we feel. Its all about them. It is one of the hardest things to go through withdrawal and greiving from these loosers. I always thought that J would be the most empathetic person in the world because he is a psychologist. NO WAY. He is human like anybody else and serves his needs.

I am in a bad spot right now. I need a reality check. I just finished journaling and TELLING MYSELF THE TRUTH. If i am not honest with myself i will never get better and get out of my RUT. Yes i felt very happy this morning when i heard from him, "i made up something to get out and call you, i miss you, do you have everything you need at home for the storm?" Yes it made me feel good for the moment. Reality check: when i asked him to please try to get on line tonight his answer--- i'll try my best. What other answer did i expect? Did anything change since yesterday when i got the load off my shoulders and told him everything i felt? NO. All it did is make me feel better to let him know how i felt . I was honest and to the point. Even having admitted to him that right now i can't let go because i don't feel strong enough. I believe the day will come SOON where i will be able to let go and go on with my life.

I feel very sad and lonely right now. My girls are out with their friends in their homes. My husband is home doing his own thing- having his "affair with the television" lol lol.

I am still in hope of him coming on line. What for? For him to tell me i can only stay on a minute, she is around. My anger is coming back. Did i expect otherwise?

Please post i need your support.

Love and hugs Alegab

January 22, 2005
8:34 pm
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DTEE
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Alegab - I'm here but don't fully understand your dilema. Are you having an afair w/ this person you want to get online with? I'm sorry I haven't read any of your threads.

January 22, 2005
8:39 pm
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Alegab
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DTEE - Yes i am. If you'd like to know what this is about you can read some of my other threads one is:
Feeling very down and anxious--- anyone here to talk? Alegab.

I would appreciate some support.

Thank you.

January 22, 2005
10:10 pm
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art angel
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Aces,

I hope you're doing well. I've been thinkin about you! Stay strong, I know it's very hard. So very hard.

keep us posted,

art angel

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