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An update.....Lolli
October 7, 2006
5:14 pm
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lollipop3
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To all you gals who have been cheerleaders for the ex-ex (Sd....rising)....

It seems to be wor-king.

I admit it, he's wearin' me down.

I'm still not ready to jump head first into a relationship but he is definately growing on me.

He has done so many sweet, cute, funny, etc. things....it's hard NOT to like him.

He has been so supportive and patient and understanding. He sent me the cutest card for my birthday. We have both talked at length about our feelings and our fears and everytime I wait for him to drop the bomb and say the totally wrong thing....he does just the opposite and says exactly the RIGHT thing.

After being with the Snowblower it is scary. I am finding myself having a difficult time believing what he says and my first thought is always "yeh, right". I am so used the Snowblower saying whatever he thinks he should say, regardless of whether or not there is any truth to it or if he ever intends on following through. I have to constantly remind myself that the ex-ex is not the Snowblower and he has never, in 16 years, ever given me reason to doubt his word. Still, it's hard... but he seems to be getting through non the less.

As some of you know, my plans for this weekend were to do absolutely nothing. Well, he and I went to dinner last night and he mentioned that local annual festival was happening this weekend. I asked him if he remembered our very first date. He said no (he doesn't remember ANYTHING and it drives him nuts). Anyway, I told him it was that very festival. After we left the restaurant he said he wanted to "drive by the festival to see how they were setting it up this year.". When we got to the place.....he stopped the truck, looked at me and said....loudly, I might add...."you come to the festival and re-live our first date with me!" It was so funny and cute the way he said it. It cracked-me-up. Needless to say I agreed.

So today I am resting. Tomorrow we will be re-living our first date 16 years ago.

And today, I ran out for a few errands and when I got home and got my mail, there was a card in my mailbox. At first I thought the Snowblower had decided to get one to cover for the lie he told (silly me) but nope. It was from the ex-ex and it was the NICEST CARD EVER! It was one of those really nice cards that talked about our friendship and how much it means to him.

Yup....he's wearin' me down.....or...wearing down my wall at least.

As I said, I'm still not ready to commit to an acutal relationship. I still have a lot of unresolved feelings with the Snowblower that I need to work through but we're getting there.

And it just may be when I finally find my way.....my prince will be waiting.

Perhaps fairytales can come true after all?

Thanks for listening.

Lolli

Oh and btw.....IF he and I do get back together and live happily ever after.....there WILL be a book in our future. I'm getting rich off this story.

October 7, 2006
5:32 pm
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bonita1
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Lolli!

I just posted to you on armyleo's thread! Let me get this straight... you are re-igniting feelings for your ex before the Snowblower? Wow! He has still kept in touch? Very unusual. You must be difficult to forget. Of course, you are wonderful!! LOL

It's good to be cautious. Go slowly. I don't know the problems you had with this ex that caused you to split up but those problems could still be there. Research, hon!!

~~bonita 🙂

October 7, 2006
5:35 pm
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I know I'm being a geek...but I just have to share this card.....

Our lives have taken us in so many different directions since we first became friends, and yet our friendship has remained a lasting bond that keeps us from drifting too far apart.

We've been there for each other in good times and bad with support and sympathy, laughter and love.

As I think about our friendship, I realize it is one of the things I cherish most about my life...

And today, I just wanted to be sure you knew it too.

************************************

Yeh, he's cute.

October 7, 2006
5:38 pm
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artist 2
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It's nice to see someone is so happy. Thanks for sharing.

October 7, 2006
5:41 pm
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Miss Lolli, good golly,

It isn't called lurking when you come on the site, read the threads and don't comment. It is called "observing." You have simply been observing, ha ha!

I, on the other hand, am not on the site during the week. My life has suddenly become busier if that is even possible. I am taking two courses at my local university trying to fulfill some pre-requisites before getting into the Special Education Teaching Program.

Of course, I am still working full-time and raising my two girls who are now 13 and 7. Believe me, the 7 year old is easier than the 13 year old. Teenagers!!!

I am also headed out to mail a payment and do a little shopping. Yes, weekends are even busier and there may not be a lot of response on these boards. But its always good to see you, read about your love life (ha, ha), and post to you.

My love-life is non-existant, but I am learning to love myself. Whew, that was deep!

luv ya, too!

~~bonita ;p

October 7, 2006
5:42 pm
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sdesigns
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Tee hee hee. I love it!!!!!

Just wait til the makeover......hehehehe.

SD doing a little dance.

October 7, 2006
5:42 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Bonita...thanks for checking in.

I understand and appreciate your concern.

He and I dated for 8 years and have been broken up for nine. When our relationship ended...we remained friends.

There was no major drama that caused us to break up, it was more a matter of me growing out of the relationship. He lived a certain lifestyle that originally I found very exciting but as I got older realized I wanted something more.

Now here we are 9 years and several "collective" relationships later and have found ourselves both single again and thus rekindled our friendship.

Slowly (very slowly) but surely, it seems to be evolving into something more.

So many things have changed for so many reasons...it would be too long to tell. But to answer your question, no..the issue that broke us up is no longer there.

In a nutshell, he no longer lives that lifestyle, he doesn't drink, owns his own business, has been in therapy for over a year, and is finally, it seems, ready to settle down.

To say that he has changed...would be an understatement.

October 7, 2006
5:45 pm
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AWwwwww, lolli!

That was such a great card. He sounds so cool. Wow! I would be getting worn down too!! Is he a keeper?

~~ bonita

October 7, 2006
5:49 pm
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((((SD)))

I can just see you doing that little dance just like Snoopy did on the Charlie Brown comic strip. You are too cute! It is nice to see some good postings now and then, isn't it?

Miss Lolli, you have given us a good and hopeful posting. Loved that card!

~~bonita :))

October 7, 2006
5:51 pm
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lollipop3
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Thank you artist 🙂

SD....I knew you'd be happy. The makeover is supposed to be next weekend!

Bonita,

Yes, he is definately a keeper. I just hope that I can't get passed my own baggage before it's too late. I can't help but feel that I would be a fool to let him go. And if I do....you really all should get together to slap me.

And btw...that's quite the work load you're carrying! Good luck with your classes.....I'm proud of you.

Lolli

October 7, 2006
6:02 pm
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bonita1
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Awwww shucks, thanks for the good wishes, lolli. I can't be the one to slap some sense into you!!!! You are too sweet! If you cannot feel for him the way that he feels for you, then you cannot force it. Anyway, nobody should slap anybody! If the feelings are not there, then just stay friends.

Are you in counseling? Trying to get past the Snowblower and move on with your life? Maybe it would not be such a bad idea. Jumping into another relationship when you are not ready is definitely not a good idea. Take some time off from dating. It can't hurt and may really help.

On a lighter note, you and SD are looking to do a makeover? Sounds like fun!! Can I tag along??? LOL

~~bonita 🙂

October 7, 2006
6:44 pm
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Hey Lolli

I have a friend that got into a relationship because they both have something in common.. Playing tennis.. She did not have the feelings right away that he did... She considered him more of a friend.. They hung out everyday and she could really find no fault with him but just did not love him the same way he did...

Wake up call... Once another girl became interested in him and wanted him to coach her in tennis... She got very jealous... She did not realize how much this affected her... She finally came to terms with it and told him how much it bothered her... His response.. if it bothers you that much I won/t do it.... He has really grown on her... and all of a sudden she did not realize the feelings until that happened... It has been a slow process for her...

Perhaps you are discovering snowblower doesn/t give you what you really need and want and your ex ex does. Perhaps you are beginning to realize how much he has been there, how much compatibility you have and how snowblower has no idea what it means to love.... Maybe it is more about ex ex now than snowblower...

Or perhaps you still are not completely over snowblower and still harbor some kind of feelings.. but as time goes on, perhaps you will realize Snowblower serves no purpose other than realizing how he once affected you and you don/t want it anymore... Then ex ex becomes more attracted because he gives you more validation, comfort, companionship and in the end perhaps you see the difference

October 7, 2006
6:47 pm
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Hi Bonita,

Yes, I have been in counseling for over 2 years and it has helped me tremendously. But, I've still got a ways to go yet.

Snowblower and I broke up for good about 31/2 months ago although it's been brewing and been on again, off again since last Sept.

The ex-ex and I have been seeing each other on a "friends only" basis since June. He has been very supportive and patient and we have left it as...whatever happens, happens. But these days he seems to be growing on me a bit.

The makeover is for him. In order to make his "transition" complete, he has asked me to help him with a makeover, which will consist of cutting off his very long hair and a new wardrobe.

As you can see....SD has been on of the ex-ex's biggest cheerleaders! LOL

October 7, 2006
7:15 pm
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lolli,

this truly is a fairy tale - I love it love it love it!!!

SD and I knew it - she's doing the happy dance and I am shaking the pom-pom's.

I was going to write and ask how your down time was going.....but you beat me to it.

sooooooooooo damn happy for you - this is how it's supposed to be - slow and steady.

very thrilled for you!

and that card was precious - usually it's the girl giving those silly cards, I know I am the hallmark queen....nice to see a guy pick one out...and how appropriate it is!

October 7, 2006
7:20 pm
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hi lolli.........

thanks for sharing your news... I have always liked your style very much and have a great deal of trust in your level-headedness.

Aw, heck, I want to cheer too 🙂 However things turn out.... what is happening is lovely to hear about.

wishing the best for you always,

hugs from kroika

October 7, 2006
7:23 pm
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Oh my gosh!!!

The makeover is for HIM???? That is so funny! Here I was thinking it was going to be a girls' day at the spa and it's for him!! Is it a good thing? Does he really want to be made over? No more long ponytail, torn jeans, holey t-shirts, etc. etc.?

Wow! Of course, I don't really know how he dresses but the fact that he wants a change means he is seriously ready to take his life in a new direction. Well, good for him, it thats what he really wants.

You go, girl!

~~bonita

elizabeth anne,

Yes, I believe that sometimes feelings can develop slowly like you described, but there has to be some physical attraction at the beginning, too. Don't you agree?

~~bonita

October 7, 2006
7:50 pm
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Bonita

Very good question... Chemistry... my ex is not that good looking... yet, I saw him in another light.. I felt he was sexy, good looking, only because I looked at him in a different way... and I still do... It wasn/t about looks, it was about the way he made me feel... and maybe with some people they develope those feelings over time... I really haven/t been in a relationship that I did not feel chemistry from the beginning...

But from talking to my friend, who did not feel the chemistry in the beginning is now having "that growing effect" on her and is discovering she has more feelings for him than she realized... maybe the physical attraction took more time and maybe she developed more feelings than she realized... So maybe it isn/t all about feeling it at the moment, but realizing over time it is much more than you thought

October 7, 2006
8:55 pm
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Hi Everyone and thank you all for your support!

Bonita,

Physical attraction has been an issue and although I haven't said so, I think he realizes this may be the case and could have a wee bit to do with why he wants the makeover.

As I have said in another thread, originally when he and I first started dating....I honestly thought he was the sexiest man alive. Not only is he extremely handsome in my opinion, but he carries himself with an air of confidence that exuded sexy. He still very handsome and carries himself that way but over the years my tastes have changed.

When I was younger I was a bonafide "biker chick" and I loved his biker look. He had (has) long hair, covered in tatoos, jeans, cowboy boots, leather jacket, etc. etc. Also, when I was younger I was always attracted to older men. When we began dating...I had just turned 19, he was 31. Now that I am older, I tend to like a more clean cut look and generally am attracted to men more my own age. He is still that old school biker.

The whole makeover thing was completely his idea and I must admit....I am interested in seeing if that makes the difference for me.

I also experienced a little bit of what elizabeth was talking about a few weeks ago. I went to his shop to help him with some paper work and when I got there....there was a girl there talking to him. Admittedly, I felt a little pang of jealousy. It didn't last long however. Although I could see that she was interested in him...it was obvious to me that he didn't feel the same about her. So...the feelings are beginning to come to the surface...I'm just not entirely ready to do anything about it yet.

Which brings me to the next thing.....

He has been looking at a house to rent and I have to tell ya....it's PERFECT......for me. LOL

This is KILLING ME! He's not sure if he wants to take it or not because, in his words...."it's too big for one person". But OMG...it's perfect. Unfortunately, the timing is not so perfect.

Are we ready? Okay......It's two floors, two full baths..one upstairs, one downstairs and three bedrooms with the master bedroom on the first floor. The master bath has one of those lion's paw tubs THAT I LOVE AND ALWAYS WANTED!!! It's got hard wood and tile floors, tiled walls, island in the kitchen, fireplace, huge wrap around deck, a finished basement with washer and dryer, brand new appliances including a dishwasher and TWO 15'CLOSETS!!!!!!!!!!!

AND.....

It is on a main road but set back into the woods and literally 3 minutes from tons of restaurants, shopping centers, a movie theater and the highways!

And on top of all of that....it's only $100 more a month than what he is paying now....with heat included!

WHY, WHY, WHY does it have to be NOW?????????

Why couldn't this come along in another month or two when I know for sure?????????

He has a couple of weeks to decide.

Oh, the agony of it all!

October 7, 2006
9:05 pm
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Oh and did I mention...the house is also 5 minutes away from my best friends house....on the lake.

For the love of everything holy....why now??????

October 7, 2006
11:19 pm
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{For the love of everything holy....why now??????}

'Cause the Cosmic Prankster didn't get her name for nothing ;0)

October 8, 2006
1:48 am
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Will he not live there unless you do? You don/t sound ready... so don/t put the pressure on yourself... You know when you know....

October 8, 2006
8:57 am
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lollipop3
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elizabeth,

I wouldn't say that he WON'T live there if I don't..but he did mention several times that it was too big.

He said that he was weighing the pros and cons and would decide.

That whole schpeal up there was more about me being a......I don't know what I'm being, I can't think of a word.

In other words.....the house is perfect and I would like him to take it JUST IN CASE it works out between us.

Oh....here's a word.....selfish.

But no worries, I won't be giving up my apartment until I am good and ready. Not for him or anybody else.

October 8, 2006
9:19 am
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risingfromtheashes
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so tell him that.

tell him you love the house and would love to see him rent it - cuz you know it would be perfect.

and leave it at THAT.

I agree, sometimes the higher powers have a sense of humor and are trying to tell you something.

oh, and wouldn't it be PERFECT for you to be AWAY FROM SNOW????????? boy, he would shit a brick if he found out you were moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 8, 2006
7:23 pm
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lolli,

That house sounds perfectly wonderful! But you don't want to make a decision to be with somebody just because you like his house!! LOL

He sounds as if he is still attractive to women even with his old biker look. Maybe you won't like him so clean cut because it will be out of character for him? Be careful what you wish for. You may not always like what you get.

Don't feel pressured to rush into anything. Enjoy the journey.

luv ya,

~~bonita 😉

October 9, 2006
12:31 pm
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OMG...the anxiety today is unbearable.

I am so confused and feeling so much pressure, I feel like my chest is going to explode.

I think I've finally figured out that the problem is me.

The ex-ex is trying so hard. He's doing everything right. He is offering me everything I have always said I wanted. Love, trust, security, emotional and financial stability, respect, marriage, children, a home, communication, interest, willingness to compromise, friendship. He doesn't drink or do drugs, he has been in therapy for over a year and has self-awareness. He is honest and trustworthy. His family loves me. My family loves him. He has never called me names or put me down.

So what is my problem????????????

Why am I so anxious?????

Why can't I let go of the Snowblower? Why is it....knowing that I will never get what I need and deserve from the him....I still want him back. I still want him to come back to me and tell me how much he loves me and that he'll change?

I just want to call him and tell him that we can get back together to make all of this go away.

What the fuck is wrong with me?????

I just want to cry.

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