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"An Explanation Of "Letting Go" The best description I have ever read.
January 24, 2006
3:16 pm
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Lostrose
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Not sure if this has been posted before. It really helped me understanding what it means to LET GO. I hope this helps others.

An Explanation Of "Letting Go"

By Bill Ferguson

The experience of love is an inner state. When this is present, you are happy, alive and free. You feel good about yourself and good about life. As you bring the experience of love into your life, life works effortlessly and great things happen.

The opposite of love is fear and upset. When this is present, you close down inside. you lose your creativity and your ability to see clearly. You get tunnel vision and you interact in a way that almost always makes your situation worse.

Whether you live in a state of love or a state of upset depends, not on your circumstances, but on how your relate to your circumstances. A good way to see this is to look at upsets.

Upsets seem to be caused by what happens but they're not. Upsets are caused by your fighting and resisting what happens. To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen if somehow you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset.

There would be no upset because upsets aren't caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears.

To live in the experience of love, and to create a life that works, you need to stop the fighting and resisting. You do this through a process called "letting go."

Letting go is the inner action that releases the fear and upset. The moment you let go, everything seems to change. With the fear and upset gone, you see your situation very differently. You become creative and discover solutions that you could never have seen before.

To let go, you need to do the opposite of fighting and resisting. You need to let go of your demands and expectations for how life should be and make peace with the way life is.

Find what you are resisting. Then give it full permission to be there. If you have a fear of losing a relationship, be willing to lose it. If you are resisting the way someone is, give the person full permission to be that way.

Be willing for anything. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great.

Keep in mind that letting go is a state of mind and has nothing to do with your actions. Letting go is the process that removes the fear and upset so you can see what action you need to take.

In your heart, you can be willing to lose someone, but in your actions, do everything you can to make sure the person feels so loved that he or she would never want to leave.

To make letting go a little easier, there are several steps you can take. The first is trusting. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay. When you know that you will be okay, letting go becomes relatively easy.

Trusting is also telling the truth. You really will be okay no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be okay.

The second step in the process of letting go is to be willing to feel your hurt. Be willing to feel all the hurt and the feelings of being not okay that your circumstances reactivate. Be willing to feel the hurt of being worthless or not good enough.

The avoidance of this hurt is what makes you resist. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, the need to resist disappears. You can then let go.

For example, Robert had a fear of losing his wife Jan. To make sure she didn't leave, he hung on to her. His hanging on then pushed her further and further away. Robert was afraid of losing Jan because if she left him, this would reactivate all his hurt of feeling not worth loving. To avoid this hurt. He hung on.

Once he was willing to feel his hurt, the loss of Jan ceased to be a treat. He no longer needed to hang on and became willing for her to leave. The moment this happened he changed the way he related to her. Instead of needing Jan, he started treasuring her. Jan then felt so loved and able to be herself, she didn't want to leave.

This is what happens in life. The more you are able to let go and flow with life, the more life takes care of itself. You may not always get what you want, but you can always be free inside. You can restore both your peace of mind and your effectiveness. You can create a life that works.

January 24, 2006
3:31 pm
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xfiler
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Lostrose... that is fantastic!!! It seems hard but maybe it can become a habit like anything else!

January 24, 2006
3:44 pm
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Lostrose
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I agree..We can always change our habits & after reading this I now know how to 🙂

January 24, 2006
3:56 pm
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whidbey
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"In your heart, you can be willing to lose someone, but in your actions, do everything you can to make sure the person feels so loved that he or she would never want to leave."

I like the general concept, but have a caveat (sp?) with this one.

As long as what you do to love them does not compromise your self-worth or blur your boundaries.

January 24, 2006
10:44 pm
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hopeful for change
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I am getting it. The same as detatching right. (not that i am good at this) However a few times I did detatch fully, I prayed and gave it to god and said I know I have no control. I felt peaceful. I definitly have to do alot of this. Thanks for the inspiration.

January 27, 2006
4:35 am
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Lass
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What an amazing post. Thanks for that, Lostrose. I totally agree.

Ll

January 27, 2006
8:31 am
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toyia
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>>>>>>As long as what you do to love them does not compromise your self-worth or blur your boundaries. >>>>>>>>>>

Thank you Whidbey!!

I'm in that situation right now!
I feel so totally belittled and disrepected by my husband.

I thought I was such a happy person, I could overlook his behavior.
Now, I'm feeling depressed and worthless.
I can't remember when I was happy!
I have compromised.....& it came back to bite me, REAL hard!

January 27, 2006
11:14 am
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Lostrose
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Thanks everyone. After last night this article about letting go helped me to let go of my ex.

January 27, 2006
11:21 am
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caraway
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Let it go for 2006.. By T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts an d pains .....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ....
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left think about it, and then ....
LET IT GO!!!

January 27, 2006
1:41 pm
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CAMER
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(((LOSTROSE))) thanks...this part is me definitely!!!....." Robert was afraid of losing Jan because if she left him, this would reactivate all his hurt of feeling not worth loving. To avoid this hurt. He hung on."......that has been one of my lifelong problems....hanging onto others so i don't have to deal with myself.........i have to keep re reading this, and letting go more often.

love, camer

January 27, 2006
1:43 pm
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Lostrose
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Camer, I'm glad it will help you. I know I was having a problem on how to let go without letting go completely. This helped me understand what I needed to do. Good luck.

January 27, 2006
2:05 pm
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Philmore Bowles
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Here's what Yoda had to say about Letting Go, as it pertains to death.

"The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side. Death is a natural part of life . . . attachment leads to jealousy - the shadow of greed, that is."

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose."

Keeping in mind that we are all living on borrowed time helps me to be mindful of attachments. All of life is just a temporary gift from God.

I do my best to make the most of this moment and be prepared to meet my maker in the next one.

Best wishes.

January 27, 2006
2:32 pm
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garfield9547
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Lostrose

There would be no upset because upsets aren't caused by what happened. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happened. The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears"

Thanks

Garfield

January 27, 2006
3:43 pm
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msmom37
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Wow! The "Letting Go" statement really hit me smack in the face. Not intentionally of course but it's like a reality check!

I have been in an abusive marriage off and on for 11 years and I've "left" 3 times but always went back. Hoping things would be better. My husband hasn't hit since I've returned but I still have that fear. The fear of not knowing if something is going to set him off. I'm tired of not being appreciated or loved by this man and what's worse, is we have 2 children in the middle of it. I had always believed strongly in marriage and stood by it. I want to let my husband go but he always pulls me back in his web of misery. I know I deserve better and when we was seperated last summer, I didn't realize until later how much happier I was then. Not worrying about getting the hubby all mad over something stupid.

I've lost friends along the years as at this point, not on speaking terms with my parents. They don't like my husband and they made that clear.

I wish for once my husband would agree to let me go. I wish he would learn to let me go and be free.

I don't have anyone to blame for returning this last time. I did it on my own will because I thought things would be better. It may seem "better" for a while but it won't be long until you're right back to feeling hopeless and unloved, unrespected.

I wish HE would let me GO.

January 27, 2006
4:48 pm
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Lostrose
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msmom37, He can't let you go, ONLY YOU can do that for yourself. Find a way & read, read, read, & you will be able to let go.

I wish you best.

January 27, 2006
6:58 pm
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hopeful for change
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Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

This is the part that got me. When that part of the story is over. We surely don't know what the next chapter in our lives will be, yet we try to Keep the "same" and not go to the next chapter I guess. Maybe the next chapter is when it all comes together and gets real good.

January 27, 2006
8:30 pm
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binkette
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Caraway
I've never been on a posting site for anything, but lately been wondering about the codependent thing. In counseling and WAS dating until yesterday...I found out by the "walking away" thing. Last week we were "soulmates" this week we're finished apparently.
Tonight I was debating calling him---I'm in a new town, friends hours away--family deceased...ugh.
Instead, because I really do know better...I started google-ing terms I've learned and read about from therapy. I saw your posting about Let it go! and it was exactly what I needed to read. Synchronicity. Thank you.

January 27, 2006
9:32 pm
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taj64
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MS mom 37, I pray that you make the right decision that is for YOU. You deserve better.What is it that you want? Write down all the things you want for yourself. It might help.

January 28, 2006
7:42 pm
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BoneT
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1-28-06 I thought that 2006 was going to be a good year.I was even told it was going to be by the one i thought loved me.But it did't turn out that way, here we are only 28 days into the year and I'm alone hurting inside.I read bill's explanation of letting go and it did I must say help me. i am going to read it and put it to use everyday because it is the best explanation of letting go I've ever read.I hope to pass this on to others so they can find comfort for a little while.BoneT

February 3, 2006
9:38 pm
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I need to read this often thank you

February 10, 2006
9:36 pm
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BoneT
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You are so correct I read it everyday it's the one by Bill Fergerson right? There is another out there that is alright but Bill's is best. BoneT

February 10, 2006
9:51 pm
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BoneT
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Has anybody read anything else by Bill Fergerson I would like to get some more of his inspirationl outlook on life thanks BoneT

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