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An angel called Nappy - TAJ
March 23, 2007
4:06 pm
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Nappy,

I think you already know what i am thinking as I am not going to write it.

You are brave and very smart about life as if you almost wrote the book on it.

You are the angel on many a shoulder and you always remain strong.

Thanks so much for all your efforts and being kind to people.

I did not want it to go unnoticed what kind of special person you are.

I believe in your words and desire to help.

Thanks for being a friend, not just to me but others in the world.

Continue on with angeling.

TAJ

March 23, 2007
4:16 pm
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Thank you so much Taj.

I started crying because those words meant so much to me.

I have been through alot in life, somethings that I wouldn't wish on anybody but one thing that I can say is that it made me stronger and the person that I am today.

I realize after my mother died, I was 15 at the time, that life is a big lesson and if we don't get taught about things in life, we will never learn. Whether it is the good or the bad, we will be taught a lesson, one way or another.

When I speak, it is truly coming from the heart, and I thank you so much for being a friend to me.

You are also a kind and gentle person. And it has been a pleasure meeting you and hope that we will continue to have a friendship and to help each other through life happiness and pain so that we can see each other on the other side of joy and peace.

You are also an angel to me and I know that god is RIGHT when he said that he will bring angels into your life and you are one of them to me.
Love
Nappy!

March 23, 2007
8:06 pm
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Touched by an angel 🙂

March 29, 2007
10:28 am
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Hi Nappy.

I have been feeling so let down lately. So incredibly unappreciated. I might as well be talking to a wall sometimes.

I think I need to come up with some solutions but not sure how to start.

Any ideas to overcome lack of feeling disappointed when it come to overkill of disappointments?

Im tired of being friends with people who do not listen.

Do you consider yourself a good friend?

Maybe I need a new batch of friends too.

People drop friends like flies instead of truly understand EACH OTHER.

I don't know anymore

I see you have a knack for always seeing the positive and the good.

I think I need to be touched by an angel so I am calling on you.

March 29, 2007
12:28 pm
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Good Morning Taj,
I hope that you are doing well today. I really miss talking with you but I sense that something is wrong.

Your question ask do I consider myself a good friend? Yes I do.

Sometimes we have to look at people for who they are. They are not bad people, maybe they just don't understand about some things and then maybe they need some positive talking to also.

It does hurt sometimes when we have peoples in our lives that makes us feel unappreciated but I have learned to appreciate myself. When I started appreciating myself, I started attracting alot of positive peoples in my life. When you really start to feel like that, you will know who your friends are. You will know the friends that you need to let go of and the ones that truly care about you.
See a friend does have the knowledge to understand another friend, whether the problems are good or bad, that friend will be there for them. A friend will give you the truth and they will be there to give your strength.

You are appreciated. You are a special person and don't you forget that. No matter how many friends that don't want to listen, just know in your heart that YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND TO OTHER AND YOU ARE APPRECIATED.

Don't let disappointments ruin your day, disappointments is just a part of life and it comes in all shapes and sizes.

Are there friends in your life that you may need to let go?

Nappy!

March 29, 2007
12:56 pm
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Yes. My best friend asked me a week ago to borrow money, not just few but money and she even suggested I take money out on my credit card. She knows I have serious credit card debt; she knows I have as much debt as her. We are both single moms. But I always seem to be the one to stay afloat and manage money, always on time, etc. Good responsible and the like. While she cannot and always behind and living almost to the level to living on the streets. I feels sorry for her yet because I don't trust and I don't loan out money because I know everytime I have that I don't get it back. I feel horrible to be low and not help a friend yet she shold know I just don't have it as I am struggling too. OF course she did not return my past few email though i don't assume she is upset with me because of that.

I also have another friend who seems bothered if I ever even seem to be seeking the slightest of support if I have a problem. She seems to "turn the cheek".

Both of my friends Im always giving too much and they never call me to ask me how I am doing etc.

I also have serious issues with my family. I rarely get calls from anyone unless I do the calling. I backed off awhile ago. My phone does not ring anymore.

Im tired of giving and giving.

Last night I went to dinner with my son who just turned 18. My son decided to invite my ex and his father. I cannot stand my ex father in law. he is biggest tightwad, always was and so my ex is too. WHy I am supposed to be getting child support I have not seen a check since June of last year, nothing. He doesnt chip in a cent for anything. I am broke but yet I do have good credit and pay bills on time, there is not much left. So yesterday I get a call short at the end of the workday from child support office with a very direct man asking if my son was in school because today is his birthday. So I answer no. ANd I start to ask about my child support you, mind you it is only 300 a month for two teenagers and I live in one of the most expensive counties in the U.S. and that does not go very far. I have work hard all my life, steady job, get my kids what they need. So anyway the man does not listen to me and only want that one questioned answer. And so reason for call was that my ex is no longer responsible for 18 but ok that is true, but why on his birthday does this man call and ruin a very special day for me> Im sick about this. so back to dinner, Im already not having a good time that was supposed to be special and at the end of the meal, my ex and my ex father in law grab the check and each pulls out their wallet and put in money for their meals and their meal only. We had my son, my son's girlfriend and me and our daughter. I am so steamed and downhearted that I am old of everything. Old of giving and giving and giving and old of being a friend to care when nobody else really gives a crap about me -except my kids, that is a given.

So this is my vent about freinds and caring and lending out and you can talk akd talk and help help help but you are not heard.

People just don't want to be bothered, People just don;t care. And I find it even more amazing when you talk to a friend for a very long time and all of a sudden a light bulb goes off as if it is the first time it was heard and everything you said over and over went to pieces and guess what somebody else said the same thing and all of a sudden it is a new flash? Cuz they never really heard you in the first place, no matter how many times you said it.

I am ticked for all the years that I spent helping my ex and always taking responsibility of both of us and he did not help ever. And he stood there at the dinner table looking as if he had not a clue why I was mad as if this was all so new to him and why am I mad at the same time as I am getting my wallet out. At first he gave me $3 and I said what is this for the bread at the table cuz that is free. I was very insulted and I drove down the road and realize my life needs to change. I need to get out of this existence and move away. A place to be me, a place to start over and not be used by anyone.

March 29, 2007
1:03 pm
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To give you idea. the bill was $85 plus tip which was 105. They each put it in less than 20 a piece. I covered the rest of the bill. about 70 of it, single mom with 2 kids.

My ex lives with his girlfriend....for free.

My ex father in law spend easily tons of money at the gamblin spot every single weekend. Probably drops hundreds down no problem but could not chip in extra money for his grandson's 18th birthday meal. Im disgusted and sick of it.

March 29, 2007
1:59 pm
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I'm sorry my friend that you are feeling like this. Some peoples in our lives can make us so angry that we just want to PUNCH them in there face (smile)

But this is where you draw your strength from.

Let start with your friend that ask you for money. She may be your friend but some where in there I think that she is jealous of you. Your friend is looking at you. She see a strong woman there, she see you. She is trying to figure out with all of the issues that she may know about you, she is wondering how you are doing it. She is wondering how you are staying afloat inspite of the money problems that you may have.
I'm that same way my friend, I had to ask sometimes when I was a single mother with no money, how am I doing this? God
And now since you know about this friend, this is where you need to learn to say NO. Because you don't have money to give and not get back. She need to take care of her own struggle just like you are taken care of your. I told you, you are a strong person.

And the friend that turn the other cheek, well this person is not a friend. And you will know next time that if you need to talk to anyone, well this is not the person to do it with.

And when it comes down to family, well I can tell you alot. It is funny that me and you seem almost alike here. I have a big family, brother and sisters. I always thought that we were close but somewhere in life things change. Well they never called me to ask me how I was doing but I was always calling asking because I care about my family. My sisters would go out to dinner or something, they would never call me. I was hurt at first, I was hurt for a long time. I even stop talking to my family for about 3 years. Well I decided that I have wasted three years being mad at them but didn't realize that life still goes on. Once I made that peace with myself and to them. I started to form a relationship with one of my sister and an aunt. It funny how things turn out. That is why I don't waste no time with how people are.

Ah, the eating with the ex and the family member that haven't change one bit. I would just look at it like, we went to dinner, we ate, I hated it but I got through it. And the next time a special dinner or something comes along, you don't need to include the ex or father in law, unless you make it clear that when we order, it will be on separate checks and just hope that the kids knows that we can enjoy our self with them as a family. The ex will be who he is and the father in law will be who he is. Let them stay like that. You be the bigger person.

I understand about giving and giving. I feel to that I have gave my whole life but I learn that it made me feel good about myself because when I do good, it does comes right back to me. But you will also know who to say no to and who to say yes to.

This is where you will have to change you. And once you change, watch how the other people in your life look at you. Either they will change with you, or you will leave them behind.

I didn't ask for child support, I just didn't want to have anything to do with the kids father, he knows he had childrens, I didn't have to take him to court for the judge to say what he have to do in life. But I also knew that his hurt was going to come from his sons. Well my boys are grown and there father is getting older and they don't want to have anything to do with him. It sad because he can't be proud of the things that they are doing in there life. He already knows that he can't get the thank you's for helping me. Now at his age, he is wallowing in his own sh**.
I'm the one that is proud not him.

You are a strong person and you is doing exactly what you are suppose to be doing in life, taking care of you and your childrens and you are doing a good job at that.

Nappy!

March 29, 2007
4:03 pm
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Yes I read this nice long post for me and I could not ask for better. It is definately worth it weight in gold. Lately been really even tougher than usual. My ex for past week or so I know him so well and been calling a lot and hinting around for us to get back ...I know this pattern. But he is still with his girlfriend and when I saw the other day that desperate feeling and from what he desribes he says she loves him too much and he does not love her that way back and because I have been there I know. It is weird cuz all I have to do is say the word and we could be back but I don't want him. Cuz look how he is. He cant take care of his family but he acts at times like he wants to be with me but not act like a man to take care of a family. I know he can love but I do need more than just love. Plus I am blocked where he is concern. I fell for the other guy, he is gone out of my life but I cannot change the clock and go back. I would never break that woman's heart like that. He goes home to her. My ex BF went home to her. And here I am again, all alone but no matter. I still have me. And I just needed it reinforced by someone who really does understand....you. Wow, everytime i read a post from you, I think that is exactly the way I feel.

The reality of my family is not that this was talked about but I really do feel my family judged me over my mistakes. It was never the same after the details came out, that I had fallen for a married man. They all pretty much dumped me except one brother.And to be honest Im not sure they were all really there for me anyway before that all happened. As time goes by, the pain of everything is subsiding. But lately been frustrated with the usual. This will iron out, and Im glad I let it out. Cuz I needed to let it out. And my angel came through. Thank you very much. It was exactly what i needed and all I had to do was ask! That was easy!

March 29, 2007
6:18 pm
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Oh Taj, your ex still love you. And I know for a fact that when he got up with this other girl, no he didn't love her because he is still in love with you.
And you are right, if you were to start acting like you are interest in him, he would come running. It is like a game sometimes, you loved him, he was scared to love you, he in turn thought he could love someone else, she love him and he don't love her. My ex or ex's was the same way. I knew that they love me, they was just as confuse as I was when it came down to our feelings. Your ex already knows what he lost and maybe hating him self for it. Like I said, he is looking at you also. You are a strong woman and a beautiful one at that. He is not stupid for now wanting you, he probably is stupid because he lost you.

And don't let anyone judge you because of the mistakes that you may have made in life, even if it was with a married man, please! We are humans, and we will make mistakes in our life. Hell I fell in love with a man that was married back in my days, I loved him so but it didn't work out so I had to let him go and find someone that was available to me.

I'm glad that you let out some things that was bothering you. I will always be there for you when you need me. One good thing about this is that Taj, it is better to get it out and deal with the pain right then, then to keep holding on to stuff. That is one thing that I have learn in life. Let it go and keep going. And you have came a longggggggggggggg way!

I really do see a strong woman here. And I can say myself that I have been on here for a while and I am proud of you.

Love your friend,
Nappy!

March 29, 2007
6:18 pm
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Oh Taj, your ex still love you. And I know for a fact that when he got up with this other girl, no he didn't love her because he is still in love with you.
And you are right, if you were to start acting like you are interest in him, he would come running. It is like a game sometimes, you loved him, he was scared to love you, he in turn thought he could love someone else, she love him and he don't love her. My ex or ex's was the same way. I knew that they love me, they was just as confuse as I was when it came down to our feelings. Your ex already knows what he lost and maybe hating him self for it. Like I said, he is looking at you also. You are a strong woman and a beautiful one at that. He is not stupid for now wanting you, he probably is stupid because he lost you.

And don't let anyone judge you because of the mistakes that you may have made in life, even if it was with a married man, please! We are humans, and we will make mistakes in our life. Hell I fell in love with a man that was married back in my days, I loved him so but it didn't work out so I had to let him go and find someone that was available to me.

I'm glad that you let out some things that was bothering you. I will always be there for you when you need me. One good thing about this is that Taj, it is better to get it out and deal with the pain right then, then to keep holding on to stuff. That is one thing that I have learn in life. Let it go and keep going. And you have came a longggggggggggggg way!

I really do see a strong woman here. And I can say myself that I have been on here for a while and I am proud of you.

Love your friend,
Nappy!

March 29, 2007
6:19 pm
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Sorry! hit the button twice

(smile)

Nappy

March 29, 2007
7:39 pm
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Im really glad this event happened even if I am really angry right now. I cannot believe I ALMOST got sucked in. It is not the amount of money really it isn't. It is the principle of the thing. Were we all so little he could not chip in for his son, his daughter and his son's girlfriend's dinner at a dinner we once in a blue moon go to? Did he actually think I would be ok with that? Oh Im still so angry. I think about him living with his girlfriend and living rent free while I struggle to make ends meet and he sit there and say he doesnt have much money. Not my problems dude. Im sick of this. My ex husband will see there and look innocent like that. I don't want to see him or the ex boyfriend ever again. All the pain they caused me was never worth a lick.Yep, when you settle for less, you get less that what you deserve. Got that right. I settle for bottom barrel.

April 2, 2007
3:45 pm
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Hello Taj,
Just wanted to know how are you doing today?
I hope that you are having a wonderful day. And I also hope that you had a pleasant weekend.

Are you doing anything exciting for Easter?

Nappy!

April 2, 2007
5:12 pm
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hello Angel. Im dping pretty good.

I ran into that dude that left me with the tab on a dinner date yesterday. We were coming right at each other, no way to avoid each other so I just gave a quick second look that i recognize him and quickly walked right on by him. It looked like he and I were heading in same direction of the store yet he made his way to next store and I went in my store. But a few moments later I spotted him in the store and pretty close as if he followed me in there, not really sure. But I left there immediately.

Im doing ok. I went house shopping but not too many on the market.

And my job is so-so, nothing to write home about.

Both of my kids are out of the house this weekend and both are usually there and expect me to drive everywhere leaving me very little time on the weekend for me so I am celebratign Easter on my own, all by myself and hate to say it but I am looking forward to having the house to myself. I really need it. But I will still buy my kids easter baskets even though they are in teens.

Thank you for cheering me up last week.

How are you angel friend?

April 2, 2007
5:47 pm
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I'm doing fine my friend. I had a nice weekend, it sure went by fast but I guess I am looking forward to Easter. My kids are grown and I still make them a easter basket.(little one's smile) but I have to do my grandson one and that one is very big. (smile)

How exciting it is to go house hunting? Do you have something in mind of what you looking for. I just moved in my house in October of last year. I am still putting things away but I guess it will take me until this october of 07 that I finally got everything put away. (smile)

So with the kids being gone this weekend, what exciting plan to you have for yourself? I finally went and got a massage. I didn't realize how much I needed one (smile). I think I almost fell asleep because it was feeling so good. I finally am taking care of me and it feel good.

Not much going on but just working and enjoying myself because it is spring time and I am planting in my garden. I just love the dirt (smile).

Get back with me if you have a chance.

Nappy

April 2, 2007
7:28 pm
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You are grandmother? Whaaaaat? I thought I was talking to a young mama. You sound awfully young in hearing from you.

I dont know what I will do. You did give me idea. I have been working on my yard and I may plant some flowers. I tried this last year. Everything I planted but a couple of die hard plants died. But I won't give up.

I am living in lonliness I have never experienced to this degree. I really am alone in my world. I am trying to overcome it. I figure it will take me longer to adjust. That is the need to look for a home. I want something different. I don't know if this is the answer but I keep at it like it is.

What kind of house do you have?

April 3, 2007
12:27 pm
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How are you nappy? I have been reading my Abandonment Recovery book and it is really helping me overcome some of my problems. I am able to get past some issues and think positive. I look to myself and my own strength and then I feel ok. Out of all the books I read, that one seems to make the most sense to me.

April 3, 2007
12:41 pm
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Well Good Morning Taj,
I hope that you are having a bless day today.
Thank you very much for the compliment. Girl I am a HOT MAMA! (smile) Thank you very much. You as young as you feel and I feel good.
It is funny that you said about being a grandmother. When I with my sons, people thinks that I am one of there girlfriends, and when mens are trying to talk to me, they think I'm with my boyfriend, I think that is so funny.
In my days, grandmothers were old and looking like grandmothers but I think that it is something in the water (smile) because I have four grandkids and when I'm with each one or all of them, peoples think that they are my childrens.

I understand very well my friend about being alone. And lonliness is a terrible fear but guess what? You can over come it. But don't you ever think that you are alone in this world because you are not. You have a lot to be thankful for and I do see a wonderful and beautiful person inside you and I'm very thankful for meeting such a person on this site.

Now we are going to work on that lonliness. I'm glad that I gave you an ideal about the flowers. This is something also that you can find peace in. Matter of fact a very beautiful peace. And since the kids are going to be gone, maybe change around in the house. Give it a difference feel so that when you walk into the room, it will look difference. When I use to feel sad all the time, I starting redesigning each room. You don't even have to buy anything, just move furnitures or pieces around to give the room a difference feel.

Is that the reason that you are moving or wanting a new house? I will pray for you my friend that you get a new home and in the mean time we are going to work to together so that you can over come this lonliness because I am here for you if you need me.

Do you go out with friends?

Get back with me when you have a chance.

Nappy!

April 3, 2007
1:03 pm
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I mostly want to move to change and get out of townhouse life and now that I have a big dog, I want some room and a place I can call my own instead of a just a box. I have moved things around. I have a great townhouse and nicely decorated, that is not the problem. I just feel I need to be in a place where I can fit in as I have been here for 4 years and I just want to go somewhere else. My daughter is in high school and what I really want is to move away but cannot move her from school to school.I want her to stay in same school. I want my daughter to be grounded somewhere and I have done my part but I also want to be happy too and I know I am not completely happy where I am.

I too look young for my age too. Someone in my office just complimented on my kids pics I keep at my desk wondering who they were and I said my kids and he said I did not look old enough to have kids that age. Im lucky in looks, that is not my problem.

I look forward to the day I become a grandmother. I have a feeling I am going to be a really good grandmother.

My big goal in life was to be a good mom, so far so good, in tact. But outside relationships like a partner or family, friends, that is where I lack security. So I read my book on abandonment as I was raised by two alcholics and some family members also alcoholic and then I married one. I seem to have been left out of many things in life. I need to get out of the long rut I have been in. With warmer weather I might have a chance at this. I have a dog, so this is a thought to get out and go places with my dog. I am thinking out loud here.

April 3, 2007
1:22 pm
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I think that we must of hit the buttom at the same time but I am doing well my friend. Today is another day.

I have also read several books on abandonment issues and I was at the head of the class on this one. I didn't realize my fear until later on in life. But I have came a long way in life when I starting turning my life into positive ways. I guess I gave it all up to god because I just couldn't handle all that were on my plate but he did.

But I here to tell you that you have more strength then you may think that you have. I didn't think I had any but I do so we will work together and help each other out.

Your friend
Nappy!

April 3, 2007
1:36 pm
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Well if you want changes in life then that is exactly what will happen.

I understand about being in a townhouse. I once lived in one and it was good for a while until the boys starting growing up and then I moved into a house (with someone of course) but since that didn't work out, I moved back into an apartment. I'm now in a house of my own. It has been a long time coming but I had to wait and let god guide me in the direction that I was suppose to go. Now I have my own.

I always used to think that I needed a man to live with if I had a house. I think that was because of my up bringing with my parents. Two parent in the household kind of thing but I didn't ever think that I was going to be a single mother. I guess I was scared at first of getting my own home but I had to face my fear and do it anyway. And I did.

It is just a three bedroom, two bath, lot of space in the front and back yard. So when the grandkids do come over they can play in the yard or help me with my gardening (smile.)

What things do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies? This is spring time and this is the time that we should embrace the warm weather and since you have a dog, go outside, take walk. I just love walking. I do it now because it is going to be to hot to be outside doing anything. I feel that we all are going to be cooking out here in my state because of the weather. It do get hot!

And you can get out of that rut!

Nappy

April 3, 2007
4:54 pm
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I have been a single mom for over ten years now. They are almost grown. I have no regrets either about this. I don't want a big house a small one will do but extra comforting features like a fireplace, things that will please me. I want a 3 bedroom, 2 bath and hopefully nice living room, dining room and of course a nice kitchen. I do have all this but there is just something about having a home like this. I have done very well without a man in my life. I do not have much money but about to buy my fourth home in sequence. NOt to shabby for a working hard single mom. I do feel stronger today. My ex husband called and I stood up for myself telling him I did not think it was right of him not to chip in for the birthday dinner for my son. But I did not address the fact that I have not been getting child support from him in a long time. I was just about to bring it up and the phone went dead. ha timing is everything. Im sad that he could not step up to the plate like a good dad should.

April 4, 2007
11:45 am
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nappy
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September 29, 2010
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Good Morning Taj,
How are you doing today? I hope that your day is going well.

I have also been a single mom for many years. My boys are grown. Two have family of there own. I enjoy every bit of being a mother. And now I am a grandmother. I take real pride in that because my mother died young, so my boys didn't get a chance to meet her nor my father. So I'm blessed that I have this chance in life to be there grandmother.

I was bless to get this house. The complex that I was in started turning our apartment in to condos. So I had to moved. They gave me a week to move out so you know that I was stress but I kept my faith in god and he did provide.

We as single mother can do more then some people think we can. I guess is because we have to, we are the ones taking care of the childrens.

I can understand your hurt for your ex husband. He should of step up in being a father but if he haven't in the past well there might not be to much changes in him but it is only going to hurt him in the long run in life with his childrens. He might not think so but it will.

I hope that you are having a bless day and get back with me when you have a chance.

Nappy!

April 4, 2007
3:55 pm
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de ja vue
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September 24, 2010
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Taj, I hope things have been better for you the last few days. I just wanted to say thankyou for al your advice and support, it was much needed and appreciated. Your situation is very similar to mine and hearing of it has lessened my pain knowing im not alone.

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