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Am I wrong to want a committment?
October 14, 2004
10:24 am
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wontgiveup
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Hey there y'all!

I am new to the group and have read some very interesting and enlightening things here.. So here's my story!

I am am thrice divorced mother of 3 (22 yo girl, 20 yo girl, 8 yo boy). You see the pattern... I have been in a relationship with a man now for 2 1/2 years. He makes me feel like a goddess, always telling me how beautiful I am and what a great woman I am. However, when I want to talk "marriage" he gets defensive. He was married once. They lived with his parents while they were married. In fact, he has lived at home all of his life (48 years old). His dad (who is still living) has never made him get out on his own. I think he doesn't want to give up his freedom of spending the weekend with me and then going back to his "safe place" (home). Am I rambling? I know that I have made ALOT of mistakes, but I want this one to work out. I feel like I am providing everything that a wife would provide, so I want the committment. HELP!

October 14, 2004
11:10 am
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CAMER
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you may want a commitment, but look at his track record, still living at
home at the age of 48 years old. Doesnt this man have a job or any type of independence to live on his own. It says alot about him...also you cannot "force" him to marry you, does he ever talk about marriage with you??? talk with him and see if you both have a healthy future down the road.

October 14, 2004
11:21 am
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wontgiveup
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Camer,

Thanks for the reply.. I know, it sounds pretty pathetic doesn't it? He has a job, but he claims that he doesn't make enough to be on his own. I think he just likes having extra money to blow eating out and buying gadgets. We have talked about marriage...he states "Haven't you made enough mistakes?" Codependent is a mild adjective for me!

October 14, 2004
11:32 am
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Cici
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still living with parents...doesn't want to grow up. committment is impossible unless you plan on being mommy #2.

Also, some people just don't either believe in or want marriage. Can't force someone to change how they look at something like that.

October 14, 2004
11:41 am
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wontgiveup
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CiCi,

Thanx for the input! I have been reading some other threads and y'all are too cool! It has really made my day! I now know that I am beating my head against a wall. Now let's see how long it lasts!

October 14, 2004
11:56 am
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CAMER
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you do have choices, stay with him and be his mommy #2 or move ahead in life with someone who has the same values and goals as you. Remember, you can't change him, but you can change what you choose to put up with in life. good luck & keep venting.

October 14, 2004
12:14 pm
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kathygy
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Stop providing him with everything a wife would provide. When you do it doesn't movitate him to marry you. Why should he if he's getting all of his needs met.

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