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Am I too old to father children?
May 18, 2010
1:21 am
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Worried_Dad
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I turned 48 in December.

I've noticed that some women who haven't had kids, even if they are in their 40's really want to have kids.

I love kids, think I am pretty wise in the Dad department.

I am in the best physical condition of my life. I can pick up about three times my body weight, do six cartwheels and two handsprings, then break a pile of boards with my knuckles, then rip a piece of sheet aluminum with my eyebrows.

Based on my current health and that of my ancestors, it looks like I am going to be clever and spry until I am 85-80 or so. Apparently my mind will never go.

But for heaven's sake, I am 48 and a half years old.

I am imagining a young man or woman at their high school graduation. With their 66 year old Dad in attendance.

I dunno. I am thinking I am too old to father a child, much though I love the idea.

What do you guys think?

May 18, 2010
1:39 am
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sexychoclady
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No i don't think ur too old. I feel at ur age u have matured and ready to take on the huge responsiblity, of rasing a child.Not to mention u may have to work a lil longer. But thats great, i say go for it..

May 18, 2010
9:02 am
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chelonia mydas
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Hey WD,

Rip aluminum with your eyebrows? really? 🙂 Wow a superhero like you could father a child at 148.

All kidding aside, I understand your concerns about being an older parent and going to your child's graduation and being slightly younger than the grandparents in the group.

But also consider this:

age is just a number, never let it keep you from following your dreams

what counts in parenting isn't being young, but loving them, being there for them and doing the best you can to support their life. People of all ages succeed or fail at this task, it has nothing to do with their age and everything to do with their maturity, mental health and ability to provide for child's needs

From my personal point of view, I have concerns about bringing a child into this world, not because of the age of the parents but because the world has so many orphans/unwanted kids already. If you really want to love a child, perhaps adopt one that would otherwise suffer and be ignored throughout their life. There are hundreds of thousands of children in need of a family. Those who are able to care for a child should adopt before they bring another life into this world.

May 18, 2010
9:34 am
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broken heart
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age doesnt matter you can have children any time you want to. now is the good time,being old means that now you are more mature, responsible and loving &caring father. you will be a good father,just think positively and you will enjoy their presence, their cry, laughter etc....
just go for it

May 18, 2010
10:57 am
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LouWho
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My parents were in their forties when I was born, which was quite a thing at that time, very old. People gossiped in the hospital about "the old lady" that had given birth to me.

I think in some ways it kept my parents young. Even though they were not the ideal "emotionally" qualified parents to have (otherwise I doubt I would be here blogging) physically it was not a limitation.

It never made any difference to me to see my grey haired parents at any of my graduations, I never noticed their age, and neither did my friends. If they did, they never mentioned it.

Like most kids, the important thing was how your parents treated you-were they good people, did they love me, did I matter, did they take good care of me, were they strict, were they fair, were they cool?--These were the only issues that seemed to matter until I was in my late teens.

I can never once remember being aware of their age difference with other parents.

I will say that I grew up feeling more comfortable around older people than I did younger ones. In some ways I did feel a bit more mature than my contemporaries, but this was something that served me well throughout my life.

I would probably be more concerned about financial resources. Do I have the financial vehicles in place that would support my family in case of accidental injury (perhaps crippling eyebrow ligiment injury)? Do I have accidental policies to cover my family in case of crippling injury since I am older and less capable of rebounding from injury like a younger person might.

I mean that would be my deepest concern over and above the concern of my age, the financial thing. But that's just me.

I never chose the path of children, I always thought I would not make a very good parent-having been a teacher, I have seen some real mistakes in child-rearing. I thought it would probably be better left to others better suited to it. Now at 50, I wonder if that wasn't either really, really smart, or a big mistake. I will never know, but I tend to think that I made the right choice.

The things that prevented me from doing it were emotional-I didn't want to do to my children what my parents unknowingly did to me. They were great people, they worked hard at trying to be good parents...they just did not have the tools on board to do a great job of it.

I don't think age is the big concern. If you feel that you are up to it, have a partner who is completely vested in the idea, feel that this is what your heart wants to do, have the time and money to devote yourselves to it, and your health is good, then age isn't much of an issue.

One further thing-I have seen many men who reach a certain age and want a second chance at children. This isn't the case, is it? If it is, then that might warrant some real consideration, because I think that could be something entirely different. I have seen men who have many regrets about their first go-round with children and want to try it again. In those cases, I have always wanted to ask "is it really about children or is it about wanting another try to overcome the mistakes of the past?" One is an altruistic motive, one is not, and it bares reflection.

Just an opinion.

May 18, 2010
11:00 am
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sdesigns
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WD: Besides being able to physically father a child ( of course you can) consider that many children are raised by their grandparents anyhow, so you just may fit in the crowd at those graduations.

"I am in the best physical condition of my life. I can pick up about three times my body weight, do six cartwheels and two handsprings, then break a pile of boards with my knuckles, then rip a piece of sheet aluminum with my eyebrows. "

Gee, I hope you don't do all that in bed......or you just may NOT be able to father a child. I'd be scared to try and do the deed with ya.

sd

May 18, 2010
11:04 am
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truthBtold
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WD,

Shoot, look at the TV anchor Larry King!

At age 73, he has 2 sons, ages 7 & 8.

48 1/2 is nothing!

(Have you considered maybe being a "Big Brother" right now for starters? Just a thought......)

May 18, 2010
12:05 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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worried dad - is having biological children of your own a priority?

cuz if biology isn't necessary, there are TONS and TONS of kids you could foster or adopt....even as a single dad.

If biology is the real issue - no, it's not too late.

I think the only real issue you need to consider is "what if" - meaning providing financially and having a back up plan should that sheet metal miss and impale your brain and lead to an early demise....having a set of legal guardians is a consideration you may have to consider later in life.

But you aren't THAT much later in life....many people put off having children in exchange for building careers and having it "all" before kids....it's not unusual.

i just watched a show on discovery, pregnant at 70!!! and a few of those wives had younger husbands who never got to be a father, and they wanted to give them that chance.

these days, if finances are sound enough, you could hire a surrogate, inseminate, then raise the child yourself until you find mrs. mom to join the picture......single women use donors so they can be moms...why not fathers?

May 18, 2010
5:20 pm
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_anonymous
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WD- I think you are the right age.

May 18, 2010
6:04 pm
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StronginHim77
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I had one of my children in my early forties. There are advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages:

- More Financially Stable

- Calmer and more patient

- More grateful to be a parent than many younger parents might be.

Disadvantages:

- More set in my ways (so the disruption of centering life around a baby's 24/7 demands was rough! And I really missed time for reading or pursuing ANY of my other interests, such as SLEEPING!)

- More exhausting (Forties aren't twenties when it comes to keeping up with a whiney toddler or carpooling to soccer, music lessons, tutoring, etc. on a daily basis...you get the drift.)

- There are no guarantees. Despite our best efforts to eat well and exercise, we cannot predict the future course of our health. It is beyond our control. So be prepared for the unexpected. I found myself hit with a debilitating health issue, just 4 years after we had our second son. We NEVER forsaw such a disaster. Got thru it, but it sure was hard, while raising two sons.

Wishing you well,

- Ma Strong

May 18, 2010
6:06 pm
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StronginHim77
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For all who have recommended adoption, Worried Dad might not qualify for adoption, due to his age. Many agencies prefer younger parents and place a ceiling on ages for applicants.

- Ma

May 19, 2010
10:30 am
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risingfromtheashes
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even for older children???? seems unfair....I understand a younger parent for younger children, but older kids don't have the same needs....and could benefit from an older parent.

May 19, 2010
11:22 am
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chelonia mydas
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There are also many agencies that will not adopt to people of a religion other than the one they dictate. When I was married we looked into adopting (and we were in our late 20's). Because we lived in a rural area, the only two adoption agencies available refused to approve the homestudy of anyone who wasn't of their religion (Lutheran or Catholic). It was too expensive to have someone come in from another location to do the homestudy for us. By the time we moved to a new home, the marriage was falling apart so we didn't persue it further.

His mature age will only ensure that he works with an agency that is open to helping children find parents of his age range. Hopefully he lives in an area with more options than what I had.

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