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am i the only one who's scared?
April 27, 2000
7:20 pm
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idontknow
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It's weird, as soon as I think I have a problem I discover one that would be worse, so I try to forget that maybe there is something wrong. I just broke up withmy boyfriend after a year and a half, and I feel shattered. Why? I don't know. It was a horrible relationship and I was never happy. I progressively became more depressed but stayed with him out of guilt. guilt for everything! We were in an accident in September, he was driving, I broke all the bones in my right arm, have had two surgeries, am expecting another. He lost his license because we had been drinking. I sacrificed all of my personal time to him, to take him anywhere he wanted to go, because I felt like it was my fault in the accident. He told me how I was the one who wanted to go out. I feel weird. Idon't want to go to counseling, at this point I keep saying it's too much hassle. I just want people to talk to me and listen and I want to figure out why I'm so messed up...why did I need him so badly, why do I feel like I need him now? I know I'll get over it, but it's hard to maintain that thought. I know I don't want to go back, but what if I slip and I get back in it. He made me miserable why would I do that...but what if I do, then I'll be that much more unhappy.

April 27, 2000
8:01 pm
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janes
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If you don't want to go back why would you slip and go back?

Why should you be unhappy?

If he made you so miserable why are you making yourself miserable now?

Are you a horribly evil person or are you simply very codependent and needing therapy a lot so you can be happy and live your life for you .. and find the love of your life?

If you don't want therapy start a study program with books by Melody Beattie and others.

Start living for your self. Make your self happy and do not feel guilt over anything you did not directly do...

You must take charge of your life and then it will become your own.

Good luck.

April 27, 2000
9:43 pm
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Brenda
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Majjor low self esteem and poor upbringing contributes to your feelings. Talk more and release these negative thoughts and bring some support and positive people into your life. YOu do not need him or anyone who treats you so poorly. Take care of yourself

April 28, 2000
11:21 am
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idontknow
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Thank you for your advice. I am extremely codependent, but why did I become so? I feel lost now. I try to make myself happy by doing things for myself, but his image nags in my mind. I ask myself the same question. Why would I make myself miserable now if that's all he did. But I still hope it's him every time the phone rings. I still hope he'll show up at my doorstep. I will try to get therapy or atleast read something by the recommended author. How come I didn't see how horrible our relationship was while I was in it. How come I didn't see what was happening to me? I used to be so fun and outgoing, he made me feel guilty. I feel like he has instilled a guilt trip in me, so that I feel guilty about anyting which makes me happy. I read over what I first wrote and it is so scrambled and mixed up. I have so many feelings, I don't know what to do with them. I feel like my friends are sick of listening to me. It feels good to write here, but I still worry that it all sounds so dumb, I feel like I'm whining.

April 28, 2000
11:39 am
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ions
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wow a kindred spirit!! I feel very much the same way you do. I came out of a 4 year relationship almost a year ago. It was not the best relationship even though she was very wonderful person. But everything I did in life was for her, now I am trying to live for myself and not doing very well at it. I tried to seek counselling but the city I live in is terrible and makes it extremely difficult to find one. I constantly have this person on my mind it affects my ability to concentrate, sleep, and most of all be happy. I am scared that I will not find somebody I like as much again. No you are not the only one who is scared.

April 28, 2000
12:01 pm
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idontknow
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Do you know why you're like that? i don't know why I am. We must both be beautiful people if we can spend so much time worrying about somebody else, but why do we think that no one else will see this? Why do we feel like they were the only one? That can't be true.

April 28, 2000
1:58 pm
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Brenda
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What is your true, honest motivation (payoff) for wanting to get back with your ex's?
Is it true authentic love ( which you guys dont know yet because you dont love yourselves ) or is it pure NEED, to fill the void, the emptiness the desperation that you feel within because you have neglected to care and nurture yourselves?
I know this sounds harsh, but there is a big difference, if you can truly say, I care about the other persons wellbeing, success, spiritual and whole growth as much as my own and getting back with him would benefit him as much as me, well thats authentic love.
If it is purely selfish and to avoid the nagging emptiness and loneliness within, it is NOT.
You both need to take this time alone, to work on the real stuff
YOUR GOD GIVEN SELVES
Blessings

April 28, 2000
9:17 pm
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ions
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ARGH!!!! I reflect on the relationship(constantly) I remember the problems and accept that the relationship was not perfect but I was willing to live with the problems as she was so much of what I want in a partner. Coincidently I have not met anyone even close to having the same qualities that she had.
"I care about the other persons wellbeing, success, spiritual and whole growth as much as my own" that I can say for sure, I am constantly wondering how/what she is doing and I hope she is doing well. But if us being together is better for both of us I do not think I can say that.
As for taking this time of being on my own......I am so tired of it, I dwell on my past constantly with little regard for my future.
Why am I like this....Damn I so wish I knew!! I have been told I am good looking, I am smart, polite, honest, blah blah blah not a bad catch at all. But I dunno....
Spring is here and instead of enjoying the beautiful weather I am consumed by thoughts of her. I want past it. Now.

May 1, 2000
11:31 am
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idontknow
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I wish that from one love-sick person to another I could give you good advice. I finally had a good weekend this weekend because I did just that. I forced myself to get interested in the outside world. I made myself get distracted by other people and situations. If you like sports, watch them on TV, go to a bar and watch them with friends. There will always be down time but balance it out with some positive thinking. Read some of the other threads in here. Ther's lots of things on thinking positive, and training your mind to do so. I'm going to go see a counselor after dragging my feet for so long. I know that I need help. Especially because there are always ups and downs after the relationship, so i'm finding out, but eventually, I guess, the ups outweigh the downs. When you're at work try to make yourself busy too. If you two weren't right for each other, imagine how many more out there are like her and will fall in love with you as easily as she did. I really think you must force yourself to be distracted. Even though I am happy now i realize, that my hone could ring, and I'll get sad that it's not him. But I have to stay positive NOW for as long as possible.

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