Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
AM I REALLY A SELFISH PERSON?
October 3, 2001
7:49 pm
Avatar
philter
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi,how are you all?
How am I ?
I'm totally confused ,what is it that I'm doing wrong.I DON'T understand where my wife is coming from.She asks me if I care about her, she asks me if I love her and tells me that I cut myself off from her.
During the past few years I have stopped going out anywhere, the only time I'm away from home is to go to work (somedays we work together)If we go out we go together.I GAINED CONTROL OF MY ADDICTIONS for my family as well as my own sanity,I am on medication for compulsive obsessive behaviour.I have been on this medication for 2 years ,this medication interferes with my ability to climax during intercourse, my wife and I enjoy sex, she gets orgasms ,I don't .The only way I can achieve orgasm is to masturbate and IT is still 2 or 3 sometimes 4 days before I can orgasm.I get quiet frustrated in the days between(guys you know what its like walking around with a gun that is loaded, but the trigger is jammed)If I'm masturbating and I wake my wife up ,she says I don't love her and that I'd rather have a wank,this usually happens just prior to climax therefore no cresendo frustrated again. If I'm feeling down my wife tells me to get over it.I f she's feeling depressed she wants attention(so ,I tell her to get over it)I love her dearly and my boys as well I have mostly changed all my ways so as I could keep my family,the last two weeks I have been spending time on the computor setting up a web site,I've never used a computor until 4 weeks ago when we bought it,in this time I have been learning by trial and error and it takes time to get things done.I'm setting up this page so as I can help other people as myself,I am studying counselling to help other people,I help around the house ,I do things for my boys AM I A SELFISH PERSON.

October 3, 2001
8:46 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ya know real often when the addict gets clean, the partner is lost with out some one to blame, or fix, or complaine about. It really messes up the relational dynamics when that happens. the sex thing, God bless you, its hard its hard for a man, and for her, is it possible to really come clean with her tell her the way the meds make lets call him Willy difficult to work with, and gosh she is getting it, the least she could do is be patient. Again, I think willy isn't the issue, your a man, we know it, sorry for the what is that expression, blue balls, its not really possible for you to die from it is it??? Common laugh. She is going to have to get used to your sobriety, she is going to have to make some changes her self. its not all you, and some selfishness is healthy. Hang tough.

October 3, 2001
9:14 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Philter, congrats to you for getting control! That's terrific!

Like Molly says, it can be really hard on the spouse of an addict once the addict gets clean. It takes a whole lot of adjusting and growing on her part too. You mentioned that you got meds, and I also assume some counseling to help you out where you needed it. It might be helpful for her to go to some counseling for herself too during this adjustment period to assist her in getting used to the new clean and sober Philter. Would she be willing to do that?

October 4, 2001
10:56 am
Avatar
philter
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Molly and GINGERLEIGH ,thankyou for opinions,they were much appreciated,just after I finished posting this thread this morning my wife arrived home from work and apologised to me for the way she acted,and yes di actually mentioned that counselling may be helpful for her.(I'm not sure which country you live in,but in Australia meds are something that woman use[tampons]"laughs").And in relation to the "meds" di does actually know what effect they have on my "PERFORMANCE"Thanks again

October 4, 2001
11:31 am
Avatar
laalaa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Philter,
no, I don't think you are selfish.U say u are doing things to take hold of your situation,so how can u be? I have a mate who has C.O.D. and things were really hard 4 her 2,until she started to get help and now she is doing much better.U really sound as though u love your wife and if the truth is told I bet she loves u 2.Sometimes we take things out on the person closes 2 us,(I know I do!) purely because we can! I expect your wife knows all this isn't your fault and that you love her,but sometimes its easy to blame things on other people saying its "Their fault" because we are angry with the fickle hand of fate! Its termed as "Cutting off your nose to spite your face" which I do a lot to my husband,ie,blaming something on him which I know isn't his fault completely to make me feel better when it actually makes me feel worse!!
God do you ever wonder why the hell we are here and what on earth is going on?????!!!!! Good luck 2 U, Things sound as if they are getting better 4 U,hang on in their I'm sure you'll be fine!

October 4, 2001
12:04 pm
Avatar
shades
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

good for you

October 4, 2001
2:14 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that is funny, the meds thing, gosh, thought we spoke the same language, but Tez, has taught me lots in more than one way. 🙂
Something else for you to consider, since you are the new improved you, and she is going to be the new improved her, why not explore the book Relational Rescue, its like a work book, makes you look at you in the relationship, I saw some things in me, that effected the both of us, not that it is a miracle under cover, but insightful, and supportive of positive insights.

October 5, 2001
8:00 am
Avatar
philter
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Molly,laalaa,shades,gingerleigh ,and everything is fine at the moment,is'nt it great my eldest son has gone ice skating for his first date.Molly ,I will make sure that we have a read of that book.see yuz later.philter

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
51
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110924
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38537
Posts: 714209
Newest Members:
delight1080, laticia1, Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer