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am I just grasping?
May 26, 2005
4:27 pm
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codep
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I am legally married still, to this great guy who lives in another state, I up and ran away from the marriage b/c I thought he was weak, I thought he was emotionally needy and he drained me. He was never abusive and treated me with nothing but love, compassion, understanding and respect. He let me go to "find myself" It's been over a year since I left him, and now since b/f and I broke up I feel the urge to contact my husband and see if we cant rectify our problems b/c compared to the guys I've dated since the break-up, we really didnt have many problems. am I just grasping at "something" anything? should I just let this marriage go as it has the past year? why did he come to my mind last night? I thought about how much he really cared for me and how much he gave up for me, how much love he had for me. I"m such a fool. I didnt think I deserved it, and I thought any man that showed such sensitivity was weak. Why are these thoughts coming back to me? I know I never dealt with them, I ran and ran and ran straight into the arms of another man. why did I wake up missing my husband after all of this time? "sigh"

May 26, 2005
5:26 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Codep- we really do sound alot alike.

I think that we want was in unattainable, so that we don't have to worry about really getting close. It is so hard to keep that distance with the nice ones. So we seek out the challenges. Then if a challenge doesn't work out, we look back for affirmation from someone we KNOW can validate what we need to hear.

It's like always having a back up plan. The thing is that while it is safer to like the asshole guys who we KNOW we will never have a real relationship with, in the end we will be like 80 and alone.

I have come to realize that regardless of what I fear, as long as I just take things at my pace, it goes alright.

It sounds to be like maybe you needed affirmation from the husband because you are feeling kind of down right now.

I might be totally wrong.

I do that when something doesnt work out with a current guy, I run back to the ex's.

May 26, 2005
7:00 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Codep,

If you feel that you have become healthy, ready and found yourself, then, yes by all means. Why wait any longer... life is too short!

In addition, from what you describe him, he sounds like a mature, warm, sensitive guy (something very Rare, LOL!).

What are you waiting for???

Does he by any chance have a brother? Just kidding!!!ROFL

Best of Luck!!!

May 26, 2005
7:13 pm
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Hey codep... Seeing that you are fresh out of a relationship and have a broken heart right now, I can see why you'd be doing some soul searching and wondering "How did I end up in this place, when I had someone that truly loved me once?" I know. I've been there. I've gone back to the old safe comfortable relationship to feel loved again. But, shortly after going back, all of the reasons why we were not together anymore came rushing back and I wind up hurting the poor guy AGAIN!!! It's not fair to him. I think you should wait until you've had time to heal from this breakup and then if you still feel like you want to contact him, then I think it'll be a great idea then... but not yet.

May 26, 2005
9:42 pm
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codep
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I completely agree TC, I know I'm not ready to make a decision like that, I have done just as you did, went back when I wasnt ready and hurt him once before...I think It's to late anyway, He's anxiously awaiting the divorce papers b/c he wants to get re-married. So, I got the divorce papers finaly today, It'll be over for good by the end of next month, and then I guess I can really really move on. "sigh"

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