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Am I Just Going CrAzY??
July 9, 2000
7:54 pm
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Beautiful
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I need some quick advice. I really love my husband and I trust him completely. Even before we got together he got the magazines Penthouse and Playboy. I really didn't mind then. A couple of weeks ago I asked him to get rid of Penthouse. I didn't think that was great "reading material". He said "no problem" he understood completely.

I don't dislike Payboy. I have the clothes and everything. Just a couple of days ago the reissue letter came in for the magazine. I asked him to please stop getting Playboy. I just feel that he does not need to get them anymore. He said that he likes to read them, not look at the pictures. I use to read them, but I think I got sick of the Darva Conger thing and gave up!

I love sex and the beauty of a women, but I just feel as a married couple that should be between us! Am I wrong (girls)?

I love him and I love myself enough to know that he loves me. He would never cheat on me. Does he really need this? Why does he have to get mad at me? Should I just ignore it? Or am I just going alittle Crazy?

Thanks!

July 10, 2000
7:50 am
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Spirit
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Why the power struggle, on your part, over magazines he has been getting since before you? If, as you said, he isn't cheating on you, and loves you, and reads them for the articles, why the issue now? Is there a deeper issue at play?

July 10, 2000
9:18 am
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hazza
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Hi Beautiful,
Didn't you say that you had had your picture in one of these magazines anyway? I though I read that on another thread.
I can understand that this maybe something that is making you feel insecure, even though it may have been okay at first.

You need to ask yourself why your feelings have changed?

If you were okay with it before, where you really okay with it then or where you afraid to say how you really felt?

Or maybe you are feeling more insecure now and maybe other things in your life have made you a bit more insecure and so that this thing really is a problem now?

The best way forward is for you to really understand what you feel about this.
Think back to earlier and how you felt then and think about now - think if this is a symptom of any deeper problems that you are angry about and maybe they are comeing out in this issue.

When you really know why you are feeling this way and exactly where it comes from, I think you will be able to find a way forward.

It may be that your feelings have just changed and that is okay - we all change our opinions on things.
But you need to understand all about yourself first and then be able to explain to yor husband.
It may be that you can be okay with the situation, or it may be that you just don't want your life going that way any more.
Either way, you can only choose what you want - you can't make other peoples choices for them- in relationships we all grow all the time and have to make compromises from time to time. the two of you need to discuss it once you know what your real feelings are about it and see how you can both work it out so that you both feel respected and cared about.
peace
Hazza

July 10, 2000
10:06 am
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Cici
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In a good realtionship, one partner shouldn't try to control the other partner. If he is unhealthy about his use of the magazines, that would be one thing, but what you've described doesn't indcate any kind of pathology.

I don't agree. Just like I get my Cosmo in the mail every month, my fiancee doesn't read it and doesn't really like it, but he doesn't try to make me stop reading it.

July 10, 2000
1:18 pm
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Beautiful
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Everyone thank you for advice. I think I have opened my eyes and now I am looking at a different picture. Cici brought up a great point. I love getting Cosmo and Glamour. He doesn't really care. He has compromised and is going to stop getting Penthouse. He agrees with me. Not reading material at all. I love him and I want him to be happy in our marriage. I want him to tell everyone that he has a cool wife. I never posed in Playboy, but I was offered too in one of those contests.

I guess it is not fair for me to do this to him. I wear the clothes and to be honest I love to read Playboy! I think it is very exciting for me! I have every shirt and outfit, but that is not fair for him. If I read it, then so can he.

I want to thank everyone again. I think I just had one major problem that changed my mind. Like Hazza said, I looked back at the past and then relized why I am doing this. I am not inscure, but I got kind of sick of hearing about the same person. First she was on the news and then she posses in Playboy. I just got sick of her, I think I took it out on Playboy. Then that turned into me going against my man. It is like I keeping changing my mind about it. Which is not fair to him.

July 10, 2000
1:48 pm
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jenjen
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There is an element of addiction to pornography.

July 10, 2000
2:20 pm
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i think addiction of any kind means low self-esteem

July 10, 2000
3:34 pm
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lola
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Thanks for responding to mine. I completely understand how you feel. It sordoff makes you feel like he doesn't find you attractive and you know you are. Why do they need that. I still don't know. I know they look at the pictures. I dont think that part bothers me as the obbsessive part about it. Thanks again for responding. Your husband sounds like hes not obsessed with it. I used to think mine wasn't either. Just latly I have noticed a difference. Maybe its just me the one over reacting. Thanks again!!!

July 11, 2000
11:05 am
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Cici
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I disagree with jenjen. Just because you get a silly magazine doesn't mean you're addicted.

Personally, as long as it's not gross and raunchy, i don't mind porn at all. My fiancee and I looked through a catalouge and picked out a porn movie to watch together. I'm not addicted, though. We watched it when we got it and it's been on the shelf ever since. It was a fun thing to do and we got some new ideas, so what? I'm not offended by it, and although I'm certain that teh people invovled in that movie industry are definately not the kind you'd want over for dinner, it's their choice for a lifestyle.

I agree with Beautiful, too. I like playboy. It fascinates me. It's like a picture into the male mind.

July 11, 2000
12:47 pm
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Beautiful
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I think I am definitely over the Playboy issue. My husband I talked last night and we agreed on everything. It was a nice feeling. I watch pronos too. My husband and I have shopped for them together. I watched one, one time and he got mad. Now we watch them together. I agree with Cici. We watch it for fun and learn new and exciting things. Plus, you get so horny watching them you never finsih because you are all over your man.

I think women are beautiful. If I see one I am not shy or insecure about myself to not tell her. You have to be true to yourself and love you first. I love myself to know that it is just for fun.

Cici is right, I would not want to take them over to see mom!

Thanks everyone!

Love,

Beautiful

July 11, 2000
6:06 pm
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heartfelt
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Beautiful........never say never

July 11, 2000
6:20 pm
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Beautiful
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Heartfelt, what does that mean?

July 13, 2000
12:35 am
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heartfelt
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Beautiful.what I mean is we really have no control over what someone's motives, desires and intentions are. People will do things to fulfill there needs at the time, and it can have an effect on others. Then at times others percieve or assume or know in there hearts that the reality of the situation comes to light....like seeing the forest through the trees.

July 13, 2000
8:50 am
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Beautiful
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Everything is working out great for me!

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