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Am I Insane or just Stupid ? Beat down!
August 23, 2007
9:29 am
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wasabi
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September 27, 2010
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Ok Shot me now!
I must be Insane !
I'm leaving the country tomorrow with my husband!
He is Abusive, controling, selfish,alocoholic, manipulative. SOB
But.... Sexy, wealthy, suductive, gental suave (when he wants me !) Hot lover & wants to please me , lavish me with expenisve gifts! The father of my children!
My buisness partner...... What the hell am I to do?

Rocks my world but it's more like an earthquake!

Takes care of my physical needs but my emotions are dead!

We argued the other day & he flipped out for the first time in a long time! He pushed me & shoved me against the wall & too the hard wood floor I feel where he stood over me & held his hands around my neck!I have burses all over my arms chest & hip ........I so hate him right now!

As I nurse my bruses I feel deep shame! I want to hurt him back so badly!

The last thing I was to do is go on a trip with him.........
Oh maybe he'll be nice or it will be romantic & he make up for his behavor.....OK Not!

He insit I go ! How crazy am I for still being in the same house for over 20 years with this man!

I'm so dead inside ! It's no wonder I desire another man at this time!

I saw him yesterday at a distance our eyes meet & he smiled at me but my husband was standing behind me so I couldn't speak to him! I feel he cares for me or maybe not Is just an infatuation of my mind!

I so want to run away ...........But where would I go .........I go into my mind in my own safe space within myself......

I feel so stupid .......or just Insane
You tell me what is wronge with me why do I say with this man?????
Why am I obsessed with him though he treats me like crap most of the time.
I'm so drawn to the kindness of this other man but he is so not an option.....
I must be strong for myself!
Yesterday a police officer came to my house!
My house phone called 911 all by it self no shit a day late dame I wish the would of happen when he was holding me down on the floor! But of course in fear I said nothing!

I must be Insane to stay &/or go on this trip!I must be trippen hard!

All I did was disagree with him about a disition he made with out me(in regardes to our life savings & childrens well being! Hello this is not to be desided on by one parent!)
I told him I did not trust his Mother & if any thing every happend to him she would not help up there fore I do not want her name on ANY THING we own or have, I had ugly words with his Mother in June)I do not want to have control over my children or there trust fund in the even of an emergency!) She is a witch & does not bother with my kids! I hate her,The children dislike her! she is in denile about her sons issues & abuse she would so like us to fail & express my felling about her inraged him !!!!!!
Mommies boy I guess!

Well Im making my 18 yr old daughter power of attorney & guardian of her 15 yr. brother TODAY so if anything ever happens to me the can have freedom of choice!
I so hate how they all try to control me !
The are narssitc selfritous jerks!

I'm hurting inside & out!
I so want to leave him but have no where to go & he controls our money!
I'm so pist!
Insanity or Stupitity?????????
I'm so screwed either way!I'm so nume today!
WASABI

August 23, 2007
10:06 am
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lost lady72
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Wasabi,
Will you for the love of God stop beating yourself up he does enough of that for the both of you. You did a good thing for the kids there with power of attorney and they have each other.
Ask yourself why are you going with him, would you have a nicer time if you didn't? Do you wanna go?

Have you ever read the complete book of rules, I don't mean to sound corney but I'm getting a great kick out of it at the min pushing my boundries and testing new waters and getting some power back. You need your power back girl.

LL
P.S still lost just don't give a crap today.. Ever get days like that I love em, the world could fall down around me and I couldn't care less.. I'll probably fall with a bang tomorrow but loving it today X

August 23, 2007
10:16 pm
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wasabi
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Lost Lady
I guess I'm going?He totaly is kissing my butt now! I'm still so mad & Hurt I will not be able to post for a week you take care & if you pray ........well think of me & my kids! You too take care!
I change my life policy so he will never gane a sent from my death!
He realy took it to another level this time! Money is more important to him then any thing!
I got to go! We are leaving early in the am! You keep safe too! I'll be ok I'm tuff! I know he loves me , but he can be a real ass some times!
Wasabi

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