Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Am I high maintenance??
January 19, 2003
2:34 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi to all, I haven't written in months, but it never fails, everytime I feel in a crisis, I turn to you all for help.

I've been dating a man for a little over 3 months, we have a great deal in common, have fun together etc. He lives an hour away and has a busy career, as I do.

We became intimate after about 3 weeks of dating. From that point on, I have been feeling this tremendous void in communication. I expect him to call me more often than he does, which is about every 2-3 days. He e-mails me every day, usually very trivial things, but it's not the same. I don't want a "pen-pal" and I have told him this.

When we go to dinner or anywhere together, we have great conversation! That's the killer of it all. If I spend the night with him, then only get an e-mail vs a phone call, my feelings are hurt.

A few days ago, after dropping many hints over the last 3 mo, I came right out and told him that sometimes I just like hearing his voice and wish he would call more often. It seems whenever I call him, I get his machine. Converstion gives me a feeling of connection. He said actions speak louder than words and I should look at the things he does and how he treats me (ie: bringing me to meet his mother, taking me on weekend trips, etc)

Am I behaving like a bottomless pit ??? Why do I feel anxious when I don't get some sort of verbal acknowledgement of our time together. Maybe the realtionship means more to me than to him? He knows I am not dating anyone else and he implied that he wasn't either but not as direct as I was. His last relationship was with what he describes as a very controlling woman. Am I paying the price??

He wrote in an e-mail that I seemed high maintenance but didn't explain any further. I was hurt by that. I don't feel "needy" but deserving, yes. I'm not a drama queen, but I am passionate and sensitive. I love my personal space and respect his.

I have fallen in love with this man, he is unlike anyone I have ever met in my life and I've never told him that, only that he is "special" to me.

What exactly does high maintenance mean???? One phrase does not define me. Other men are asking me out and I'm wondering if I should "cast a wider net" or just wait and see if my pen-pal comes around.

Help.....

Ashton

January 20, 2003
9:11 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It looks like you have a need for a certain kind connection from him and he is not willing to respect that you have it. For this to work, you both may need to compromise.

You are right to be true to your own needs. Don't ever give those up. You will become a very unhappy old lady someday, if you do.

Being "high maintenance" means that he has to do a lot (more than he wants to) to please you. He is saying that you expect a lot (perhaps too much) from his point of view.

Remember: This is HIS point of view, not The Truth. You simply both have different needs, which challenges the relationship. Either it can get stronger or it will die from power struggles.

Casting your net out for other men is a really good idea. There are about 5000 perfect matches for you in this world. If he isn't it, there will be a BETTER one! Also, you can divert your energy elsewhere and he can become the one wondering why you haven't called/emailed/etc. You will also gain some perspective.

Be true to you!

January 20, 2003
9:36 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Being High Maintenance is the Best Compliment!
It means that you care about yourself enough to have high standards!
Whenever someone has said I was High maintenance, I agreed. I am! I like it too!
Best wishes Ashton

January 20, 2003
10:14 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
January 20, 2003
11:55 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Scherza hit the nail on the head. It's all about perspective, and opinions. I've been called both high and low maintenance by friends and dates, sort of depending on whether they were high or low maintenance themselves. One person who is accustomed to calling their partner every day would consider you very low maintenance. Another person who is used to relationships where exclusivity means just having a steady date for Friday and Saturday, and maybe talking about plans on Thursday evening, well sure you would be considered high maintenance. I wouldn't sweat the comment. The "high maintenance" label is just that, a label. No need to wear it if you feel it doesn't fit.

January 20, 2003
4:41 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Trust your feelings, cast that net and let go of the need to be happy through this guy.

January 20, 2003
5:37 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, just when I think I'm ready to give up on him, he comes through! Do men have ESP??

He is out of town on business, usually I never hear from him while he's away. Yesterday, he surprised me with a call. We had a nice talk-just catching up on things, family, work, etc. He said, "See, I listen to you." and told me he missed me.

Perhaps he sensed my frustration. I do still want to address the "high maintenance" thing, but the other side of me says to leave well enough alone.

Caring enough to meet each others need is important!! I'm tired of relationships that drain me, having been married to a narcissist who wouldn't walk past his reflection in a salt shaker without checking that hair.

With time, I am growing and learning to recognize my pitfalls in life. This man is intriguing to me and somehow I just know if I throw that "net" right now, without giving him time to adjust, I will be making a mistake.

Thanks 🙂

Ashton

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer