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Am I doing the right thing
December 24, 2004
12:43 pm
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lostforever
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I should be hearing from my husband soon on whether he will be allowed to have the boys for a while today and tomarrow.
I have an order of protection that says he gets the boys on sundays 10-6.
As i have said before he uses the boys to get to me. He will come over here acting all depressed telling me how much he loves me and misses me. Then he will go home and be with this other women.
I'm tired of being hurt and manipulated by this man.
I've had some friends invite the boys and me over for christmas. I've talked to the boys and asked if they want to go to their dads or go with me. They chose to go with me.
I'm sure when I tell my husband that we have other plans and he can get them as the paper say he will throw a fit.
I just feel he has chosen to start a new life with this women and now he needs to let me start a new life also. I dont feel I need to be nice to him anymore.
But then theres the guilt that I always feel when I make a dissicion. I never know or feel like i'm doing the right thing. Any suggestion on letting go of guilt? Am I making a wrong decision here or just trying to go on with my life?

December 24, 2004
1:01 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Certainly you need to have your own life.

All other things being equal, though, it is also your duty as a parent to facilitate frequent, meaningful contact between your children and their father.

And you do need to obey the court order, no matter what.

December 24, 2004
1:10 pm
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lostforever
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Yes and the court order states he gets them on sundays only! I'm not trying to turn his children away from him. He'll do a good job of that on his own. He thinks of himself and only himself. He chose to give up his visitation to go to vegas with this women. He chose not to see their christmas play because he wanted to be with this women. I have said nothing bad to them about their father. When he chooses not to show up for them I pick up the pieces of their broken hearts. Its always at his conveinece when he visits with the boys and thats not fair to them or me.

December 24, 2004
6:10 pm
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basketcase
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Hey lost, I know how you feel. I never filed for child support against my ex (we were never married so it wasn't pushed). Anyways, I always allowed him to see the kids when he wanted, thinking it was the best thing for my kids. What I have seen over the years, and as months would go by in between phone calls, visits that would never happen, etc., was that my kids needed stability, and they weren't going to get that from their father. He would build up their hopes that he was coming to see them, only to disappoint them when he didn't, and I too, was left to pick up the pieces, dry the tears, mend their broken hearts, and unfortunately to be the punching bag for their emotions. I finally decided that I was sick of it, and wrote a letter to my ex, telling him how I felt, and, believe me, I let him have it! I felt better, but it still gets me, especially during the holidays, that my kids don't have contact with their dad. But that's HIS choice. I gave him every opportunity to have a relationship with his kids. Obviously, it is his pattern to abandon his children. He has 6 children with 4 different women, and only maintains contact with the newest baby (born a few months ago).

The kids are who are important now, and as long as you follow the court order, you aren't obligated to build that relationship with their father. That's up to him, wether he chooses to do it. I got tired of trying to make it easy for him, especially when he has never helped me, financially or emotionally with our children. Sounds like you are doing all you can to move on and be happy, for you and your children. Keep that up and try not to second guess yourself and your decisions along the way. You shouldn't feel guilty for trying to be happy! Just know that you will do what is best for your children. The guilt does come and go, unfortunately, wether it's merited or not. I am dealing with it right now, too. But, I feel that he and his family know how to contact me and the kids; they know my mom's number and address also, and they have made no effort to contact us. No Christmas card, no gifts, not even a phone call! I can't feel guilty anymore for his shortcomings, and neither should you for your ex.

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