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Am I dealing with a sociopath??
February 2, 2000
4:13 pm
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Anonymous
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I have someone I thought was a friend who is in total denial of her treatment of animals and friends... She considers herself to be caring and nurturing, when she has actually gotten pissed off at a kitten for attacking a loose hamster and so threw the kitten against a wall killing it... And said she "didn't care what I or anyone thought about it - as far as she was concerned that cat was not destined to live." She has also body slammed hamsters for biting her - one of them died two days later - of course "that wasn't her fault - she didn't mean to do it..." When I started referring to her as "The Warden" of the Green Mile - "Dead Ham Walking" she got pissed and told me I had hurt her feelings... I told her that she didn't give a rat's ass about her animals and that making a joke at her expense was my way of trying to make light of a situation that was really bad... She excuses these actions by the fact that she can be loving to some of her animals when she wants to. We have exchanged numerous e-mails and she has tried to excuse her actions and says she can't understand why I feel like she "doesn't give a rat's ass" about her animals... I know she has major problems that she is unwilling to admit to, I am just feeling guilty because I can no longer tolerate someone so out of touch with reality anymore. Am I a bad friend? I tried to explain to her that her actions speak louder than her words, but she avoids the issue and throws in crap that has nothing to do with the issue. I am at my wit's end. Any advice? This person (I think) has the potential to be retalitory and I am afraid to turn her into any authorities for animal abuse, etc....

February 2, 2000
7:03 pm
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VRJ
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possibly, but don't jump to conclusions. Cruelty to animals has been identified as a precurser to further violence. And lack of conscience is a sign of sociopathy. She definitely is ill but I'm no expert so I wouldn't label her yet. Has she ever been in any kind of trouble? How are her other relationships?

February 3, 2000
8:34 am
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hazza
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You have tried to tell her how you feel. If the relationship makes you uncomfortable, break it off, you cannot help her when she does not think she needs help. You have tried, now you should develop friendships with people more on your own wavelenghth. You have been a good friend to her by being honest. Becoming her door mat and not telling her when she is in the wrong is not being a good friend, nor is she being a good friend to you (just my opinion)
But i think that in this case you have tried your best, unless she changes, being her friend may end up being damaging to you emotionally as you have to witness behaviour that you dont agree with but are powerless to do anything about, such as cruelty to animals. I have had friends like this and unless they see they have the problem there is little that can be done,live your life, you have dont your best.
Hazza

February 3, 2000
9:46 am
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Cici
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I would be unlikely for a sociopath to seek out your forgiveness or acceptance. Not only to sociopaths (clinically, antisocial personality disorder) lack a conscience or moral value system, they are manipulative and unable to have close, meaningful or evev very friendly relatinoships. Charles Manson had antisocial personality disorder.

More likely, she could be an adult with ADHD or ADD. The people who truely suffer from this disorder have very low impulse control, which sometimes results in violence or accidental injury. They think of something and do it without considering repurcussions. If she often seems jittery or "spacey", is distracted easily or can be emotional, she might have this disorder.

Regardless, I don't think you should fear for your life. Since she does not seek hep or guidance, you should simply cut yourself off from her. Can't help someone who can't help themselves.

February 3, 2000
10:45 am
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Anonymous
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Thank you everyone. You have been a tremendous help to a guilt-wracked wreck!!! I have been feeling the need to totally break from this person for sometime now and feel it is now or never. She has said way too many hurtful things to me, and I just can't tolerate her indifference to her animals and friends. Thanks for the insight on add and adhd, I never considered them. Her mother and father are both alcoholics, so it very well could be one or both of those... I thought sociopath because of her total lack of regard and inability to empathize for anyone but herself. She is manipulative - although she will go to her grave denying it! I guess you can't teach anyone anything when they think they already know!!! I did give it my best, I just have to stick to my own values and let her go... It is so sad to lose someone you have thought of as a friend.

You all have been very helpful! Thanks again.....

February 3, 2000
12:28 pm
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infaith
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Your "friends" treatment of poor helpless animals is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE, please do the right thing and report the abuse.
If she has such indifference towards animal life she probably has the same towards human life, this does lead to further criminal activity against people in most cases. Cruelty and killing animals is a precursor to worse......If you really care, she needs some intervention in her life for she surely can not handle it herself nor she she have the right to take her unrestrained rage out on beautiful creatures. God knows, what she would be capable of in the presence of a child. Please do the right thing and get her some help by reporting the abuse and perhaps a social service agency in respects to her own unbalanced personality. It may so harsh, it is tough but it is the best thing to do, she is just on a crash course to worse if not and other innocents within her range could be hurt. God bless

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